A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I was in a long distance relationship for over a year with a guy who I thought I could really see myself with in the future. However, we recently broke up due to fighting a lot mostly from trust issues and my insecurity. We agreed to take a step back and see if we could work things out. About a week ago I was anonymously sent a link to his ex girlfriend's social media site where months ago, she made claims that he was leading both of us on in the months leading up to our relationship. (Since it was a LDR, we talked for about 4 months prior to actually committing to a full time relationship). I immediately texted him asking about it. He said it couldn't have been about him but said he would ask her if it made me feel better. I said not to, I didn't want to cause drama and wanted to just trust him for once. I found out the next day through a friend that he actually did ask her. When I asked him what she said, he refused to tell me, saying I was being 'creepy' and shouldn't care. This confused me since he was so willing to ask in the first place. I went a little crazy and called him a bunch because I was so upset and he refused to answer any of my calls or texts. I wasn't shocked by this whole thing since she was a huge problem throughout our entire relationship. Once after an argument, he started texting someone- I asked if it was her and he said no. Later I saw it was to her and was upset his first instinct was to text her when he was mad at me and then lie about it. She also did a lot of things that made me uncomfortable such as go out drinking in his city then text him asking to talk at 2 in the morning and he obliged. She would privately fb message him and want to discuss romantic movies that she recently watched. She did various other things to try to keep his attention such as liking/commenting on all his pictures on facebook, texting him, and sending him snapchats throughout the day. Whenever I became suspicious of something and wanted to talk about how it made me feel, he claimed she was just a friend and since their breakup he had a strictly platonic relationship that couldn't have been interpreted as flirting. He grew increasingly mad at me for being jealous but I didn't think everything that was going on was strictly on a friendship level. He blames me for forcing him to end a friendship with her despite repeatedly telling him I would never demand nor ask him to give up a friendship for me!I don't know what to think. This isn't the first girl in his life that I have been concerned about. He drove another girl to and from bars to meet up with other friends and brought her over on Friday nights just to 'hang out' and watch movies despite knowing I was uncomfortable with it.He has ignored me for almost a week straight with barely any communication other than a text saying something mean to me. I texted him some nasty things yesterday because I was so angered that I just want answers and he won't even talk to me. I understand that he was worn out and tired from me always being slightly jealous and concerned about other girls. I don't know what to think now though since I still want to be with him and eventually move to his state. Am I being completely crazy for still hoping there's a chance we could work out?
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, facebook, flirt, his ex, jealous, long distance, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): To female anonymous reader:
It is up to you to offer your answers as you feel them. Sometimes a good answer isn't sweet and easy to swallow.
When people are hurting us, and we love them, it is difficult to leave them. Sometimes we need a push. I know when to comfort an OP, and I know when the need a little push or face something difficult. To criticize opinions because they are different from yours doesn't make yours better. Only different.
To OP:
Love often does not allow us to make decisions that are best for us. Telling people what they want to hear may not help them to make difficult decisions. Sometimes the sooner you get out of a painful situation, the sooner you will get over it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anon reader who was kind enough to answer- thank you for taking the time to write a positive answer. Just wanted to let you know it was appreciated :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): I have read some of your other responses wiseowl they have all been so rude. These people are obviously troubled and asking for help. You don't have to treat them like that! Now to the girl who asked. I have had a boyfriend who lied to me consistently through our relationship. When I would confront him on things he would act very defensively, which is what this sounds like. Honestly I would end it if he makes you that uncomfortable. You deserve to be happy. That is how relationships work. Anything less and it wasn't meant to be.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): Drama, suspicion, frustration, and stress. Such is what LDR's are made of. People insist on having them, and most are not cutout for them. You just don't know when to quit.
I think you need to go back and read your own post.
If you're so sure he's messing around with his friend, and transporting other women to bars, what will it take to make you dump him? You wrote a long story explaining why it isn't working.
Why in the world would someone with trust issues and insecurity have an LDR? A person with a peanut allergy might as well eat peanut butter, and a diabetic may as well overdose on a giant ice cream sundae and drink a bottle of chocolate syrup. It doesn't make any sense.
You described your own behavior as "crazy!!!" Who would want to deal with any of the behavior you've described in your post?
No, there isn't the remotest chance that such a tumultuous and dramatic relationship can be saved. If he hasn't spoken to you in a week and you think he's too chummy with other women, why would you want to save it?
...............................
|
