A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated my husband for 6 years and we just got married before he joined the Army. I'm 35 weeks so far and it's been very stressful and a lonely experience for me, I'm living alone in our old apartment and his parents are not far from me. The only thing that helps me feel better is praying everyday for his safe return and writing letters everyday to my husband. I just found out army FaceBook page that is posting pictures of the soldiers and I was in heaven when ever I spotted my husband. Every time I post a comment on a picture he's on my mother in law would say something negative to me that makes me very sad and I ended up crying. Eg - I left a comment saying " my soldier...... love of my life I miss you" and his mom reply to my comment "he may be yours now but he was mine first, SORRY!, one of his friends was getting out middle of bootcamp and he left a msg on my mother in law's FB page just saying "hello, my name is Josh I'm a good friend of your son and he's doing great", I left a comment saying "did he mentioned me to you" and before he answered me my mother in law reply to me "Hahahaha I upgraded you, sorry! I was crying and angry at her then his friend reply back saying that all my husband talked about it's me and how he felt guilty leaving me behind while I'm pregnant and that he really misses me, I was so happy, I wish my mother in law would just let me be a happy pregnant wife and leave me alone with my comments. She always has something negative to say whenever I said something sweet on his pictures....please help. I'm emotional stressed out over her behavior!
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 September 2014):
 Hide HER feeds. If you can't see what she is posting at least THAT can't stress you out. She is the proverbial TROLL under the bridge.
If he is still in boot camp then it won't be long before he get stationed at YOUR first duty station HOPEFULLY far away from "mommy dearest". She sounds like a jealous and possessive cow, to be frank.
Like WiseOwlE mention ALL posts/bases have GREAT programs for soldiers and family members. Since you DO NOT live on a post/base yet, YOU can contact Military One Source
http://www.militaryonesource.mil/
http://www.militaryonesource.mil/counseling?content_id=267028
Don't PLAY your MIL's games. It might be partly because her "little boy" joined the Army and that is scary for a parent, but I think it's more along the lines of being jealous of no longer being HIS first priority. I have seen this SO many time with young military couples dealing with nutty MILS.
http://www.armywivesforums.com/
Is a REALLY good website to get someone to talk to, to ask question and vent at for wives of military spouses (not just Army) - It's a bunch of really great ladies. Some who have been in your boat, so they can better understand what you are going through.
Good luck and don't let her ruin your pregnancy or your marriage. She isn't worth your tears.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 September 2014):
 You both hve a lot in common with a member of the military.She's probably as stressed as you are and as a result not rational in here "posts". Yet another good reason to stay off FB.Have you tried being close with her? You two have so much in common. PS thank you for your service to our country.
...............................
A
female
reader, Behavioural Analysis  +, writes (9 September 2014):
 Chances are, she's struggling with her (adult) baby being in the army and she's probably worried he will think so much of you and your baby that he forgets about her.
None of that means that I condone what she's doing, but I understand it. You love your husband very much, but you've only loved him for 6 or so years, she's loved him unconditionally his entire life, so have you tried maybe taking some flowers to her and tell her in a very heartfelt way about how you feel and how you know she must be finding it equally difficult, but that you'd like her support to get through it with her grandbaby on the way. Keep it all off of Facebook, though.
If that doesn't work, you'll just have to block her.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): Well it sounds like this woman is going through some big issues. That, and she lacks any tact or class. Clearly she is not a happy person. Something in her life is frustrating her greatly and she is taking it out on you. She is in a position where she feels powerless and so she is trying to compensate for it by exerting power over you in some competition she's created over her son. And she is going about it in an incredibly infantile and desperate way which is making her look stupid and hate to say it but, crazy as well. My guess is she is having marital issues or financial burdens. Whatever the reason, this woman is very unhappy and feels extremely powerless. I think sometimes understanding what drives people's madness, what compels them to act out of character, is important to reflect on in order to quell your own reactions. Especially since this is a person you have a binding relationship to given that she is your mother in law. I think you should not react at all. For whatever she is going through, she has chosen the course of action of lighting herself on fire and jumping out the window. So let her do it all on her own. Do not react to her stupidity. Like a spoiled toddler who kicks, screams and cries because he did not get his way. They will eventually stop when they don't get a reaction. So don't react.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 September 2014):
 Lovely lady, there.... your hubby's Mother. I suggest - as did WOE - that you block her and have as little to do with her as is necessary....
ONCE he returns, you might ask hubby why his Mother is such a witch.... He may know (why)......
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (9 September 2014):
 As WiseOwl has suggested, block your mother in law from your Facebook feed. Don't make any announcements about it.
The silver lining here is the woman is dumb enough to behave this way in front of witnesses so everyone sees the horse's arse she's making of herself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): Maybe it is best you block your mother-in-law from your feed; so you can't view her updates. She seems to be a cruel person; but she also happens to be your husband's mother.
So you will also have to mentally block her comments. She is spying on you and hoping to catch you communicating with other guys. So stop viewing her comments and allowing her to be able to send you responses. You can also report abuses on Facebook. Do it!
Try to minimize comments you make public, inviting her to respond to you. Why would your husband allow his mother to treat you that way? I don't give a darn where he is. If he feels so guilty about leaving you, he should be monitoring what that witch is saying to his wife on Facebook. He isn't only fighting for his country, he should be fighting for you too!
You have to join on-base organizations and services for the wives of soldiers over-seas or deployed. You don't have to be alone. Other wives like you will welcome you into the fold. All American military bases offer outreach counseling and services to the spouses of soldiers. Being shy and isolating yourself makes you very susceptible to your mother-in-law's psychological torture. You have free counseling always at your disposal. Use it. You pay taxes for it. It's one of your military-family benefits. Not just the health-care you receive!
It's there for you and it will help you deal with your loneliness. The other wives will even be happy to either visit you or bring you to events specifically set-up for your entertainment and benefit. Unlike civilian women, you don't have to be alone while your husband is away.
Each base offers their own specific services and programs.
You have no excuse for being alone or stressing; because every branch of service has these programs. Contact the base Family Services Center.
...............................
|
