A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. At first I held off having sex with him because I wanted it to be "special" I guess. I wanted to see if he was in it for the long run. And he waited just like I asked. I love him and I know he loves me. We spend So much time together but the sex sucks! He gives me oral sex almost everyday, but sometimes even that sucks. The problem IS however, his inability to stay hard. He asks all the time to have sex and I turn it down a lot because I know he won't be able to please me. Sometimes he can get it up a LITTLE bit, enough to put it in. But he never stays hard while in me. Sometimes when He's eating me out, he makes himself cum by like dry humping the bed. I feel bad because I have never attempted to give him head but I feel unsure about it because I dnt know if He's gunna get hard that way. He does have scoliosis, which is a spinal cord deformation. So I been wondering if that has anything to do with his inability to perform. I've Googled it and didn't really find a connection other than his body is weak. I enjoy being with him but I'm worried in the future that I won't wanna be with him because of this. Why can't he stay hard? Should I just talk to him about it? How would I talk about it with him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2014): @mizz.butterflies I want to try to give him a blowjob but I feel like if he doesn't get hard, either I just suck at doing it or he just really has a problem. I'm going to try it tho. And getting on top would be a nice idea, I just hope it's not awkward if he gets soft in the middle of me riding! But again, I with try it and see how it goes. If not, we will deff be having that talk! Thanks So much!
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (10 September 2014):
 I've had the same problem with my ex.He was only 22 but couldnt keep it up. he also took medical exams which turned out to be ok. so what was the real issue?
i always encouraged him to have sex, unlike you, so that his confidence wont drop. but still..
i suggest you give him a bj. I never did and when we talked about it, he subtly mentioned it . ' u could do something as well' he said.
also, change up the pattern. Dont let him eat u out all the time. Surprise him by giving him a bj and then get on top of him. when ur on top he has less stress as ur the on the one who takes control.
I suggest u do this (blowjob+on top position) and if that fails too, then sit down and talk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2014): Thanks guys. I agree that bringing it up is the best idea. I've just always been worried that it would offend him. I know men don't like to hear things like they're not pleasing a woman sexually. I didnt want to hurt his ego. I'll give it a try though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): You've got to have a conversation with him. Agree the tactic is to be short and sweet. Don't patronize him, just he factual and ask why it happens and is he perhaps doing anything about it (doctor?)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): Weird. I don't think scoliosis affects a guy's performance at all. However, he might be taking medication that does affect it. Realistically, there could be a slew of reasons.
That would bother me too and make me feel inadequate. Of course you should talk to him. In fact, I am surprised he himself is so complacent about this. A guy who wants to please a girl wouldn't wait for her to bring it up but would be trying to remedy the problem himself.
The best way to bring it up is blunt, short and sweet. "Babe, I've noticed you can't seem to keep a hard on. Is something wrong?" If he addresses the issue and tries to explain himself and work harder to please you, give him a chance. If he gets angry and defensive tell him to go eff himself.
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