A
male
age
30-35,
*JM765
writes:First of all thank you for reading this!So i've been in love with my best friend now for close to two years. We met at a friend's house and we liked each other and went on a few dates. She had just broken up with her boyfriend of two years so she didn't want anything serious. She decided it would be best for us to just be friends, and we we're. Even though it has hurt me like hell she has been my best friend for the past two years and is the one I go to for everything. Only problem is, I'm in love with her and she didn't know it..Close to a year down the road I decided I should at least try to move on and date someone else. I met a girl and I really liked her ( I thought). While we were "talking" my best friend (who I was still in love with, but at the time I was in denial) suddenly tells me she still has feelings for me. Me, being hard-headed, decided not to tell her my true feelings. So I dated this girl for 3 months while also remaining friends with my best friend. Although she was very jealous of my girlfriend, somehow we stuck it out.. My ex girlfriend and I eventually broke up and my best friend was there for me in a heartbeat. A few weeks later I noticed my feelings for her were coming back.. I didn't tell her in fear of messing up our friendship and also because I didn't want to be hurt or rejected like in our past. We went on like this for close to another year. We would hangout almost every other day and were inseparable. She was basically my girlfriend just without the physical part.. I always had to answer to her and she always answered to me. We texted each other every hour of every day and always knew what each other was up to. Now is when things began to take a turn for the worse. The end of this summer came and it was time for college.. She stayed home for college and I was planning to go 2 hours away. The last month of summer was the hardest for both of us because we knew things weren't going to be the same again. We hun gout the night before I left and when I was giving her a hug and saying goodbye she broke down and started sobbing. I left and I began to breakdown on the way home too. So even though the distance, we decided we were going to remain best friends. About a week into classes I get a text from her telling me she still has feelings for me and that she couldn't hold it in any longer and that she hoped it wasn't too late. She said shes had these feeling for about 3 months. I told her that I still had feelings for her too and she said she was very relieved. I was happier than I have ever been when I heard this and I thought something great was going to come from this. I was wrong...The next day I was coming in town and we were planning on hanging out. I texted her asking if our plans were still good. No response. I called her. She didn't answer. I didn't know what was wrong. Then I guess I got carried away and sent her a bunch of texts freaking out asking if she was ok. This just wasn't like her.. The next day I got a text from her saying "we want different things, I need space". I ended up doing what I shouldn't have done. I freaked out, bombarded her with questions, and begged for an explanation. She just ignored the majority of my texts and wouldn't explain it to me. I then decided it would be good to leave her alone. So I didn't talk to her for a week. A week later I get a text from her asking "are you doing ok?" I took this as a good sign and hoped she would try to work things out with me. Wrong again. We started talking some and she informs me how she "likes someone else" and "wants to move on" I just didn't understand and I freaked out again and begged for an explanation. I also begged her to stay friends with me. I was pretty much just acting pathetic because I didn't understand and I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was losing my best friend and I was..She then gave me this vague explanation. She said she told me her feelings because she freaked out because I was leaving. She said she didnt really mean them. She said she likes some other guy and she is head over heels for him. She said she wanted to move on from me because "we will never be together" and "I loved her too much" I just basically asked her for a chance and she said no. I basically broke down and straight up told her I was in love with her and how if she left I wouldn't be the same again . She didn't seem to care. A few days later I texted her again and just simply asked if we could be friends and she surprisingly said yes.. I apologized for the way I was acting and she said she still really cared about me. I actually ended up back at home from college for other reasons (a medical reason, and I hated where I was) and I'm taking the semester off and i am most likely going to a college closer to home next semester, possibly where she goes.. We didn't talk much but, just a few days ago she asked me to fix her car for her. She brought it over and I fixed it. We talked some. Just small talk for the most part. Things were fine but definitely not the way they used to be. Thats pretty much everything up to present tense. The last month has been hell and I feel pretty much heartbroken. I feel like she doesn't care about me anymore and I feel replaced. I don't see how she could profess all of these feelings for me and then tell me she needs space and then tell me she likes some other guy. I'm just really hurt and I didn't see it coming. I don't want to lose her as my best friend, but at the same time I also want so much more than that. I really do love her and if I lose her I don't know what I'll do. What should I do? Do I let her go? Do I try to prove myself? Ask for a chance? Let her come to me? I really don't know! I want to work this out. Any help is appreciated,Thank you!
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best friend, broke up, ex girlfriend, heartbroken, jealous, move on, needs space, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dreamer7097  +, writes (6 October 2011):
Hey!I hope you are ok... I just want to say that I have had experience in this sort of area too- it does seem like this girl just likes attention and she liked you giving her a lot of it! She also seems unsure though ...I once had a friend who said one minute he wanted me and then went cold the next-but what I did was,when he said he wasn't bothered-I didn't beg or ask why,I simply moved on.I didn't ring or text him and if I saw him out I pretended that I wasn't bothered.of course I was mature and id say hello,but for 3 months I pretended I was over him and moving on... Of course I wasn't and even though I was trying to move on I couldnt get him out of my head! But them things changed... One night he saw me out with friends (this was about 4months later) and I went up to him and said happy birthday and carried on having a good night and then I received texts saying how he wanted to make things work and how he shouldn't have let me go out of his life etc...of course the rest is history,because we stayed together for 3 and a half lovely years.we did break uor in the end but I still look back fondly...but it is possible that maybe she is either scared of something or just unsure....some people just need time and I think you have to be patient with people.it's if you can wait that long to find out,and I do think you have got to be prepared to try and move on too in case she never comes round!you can't out your life on hold,but what will be,will be.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (27 September 2011):
You can learn a lot about love from your relationship with this girl. The first thing to learn is love doesn't mean getting what you want, the way you want it, and when you want it. "Love" that is fuelled by your need for her, to be with her, desire or sex, can all be great one minute and heartbreak the next, especially when you are both young and figuring out what you want. Forget all of that when it comes to her. Love is about giving, sharing joy, being selfless for the other person, and the same goes for her, if she is to learn to love you in this way too. This kind of love doesn't care whether you can give your love in a romantic relationship, or as a close friend who you love very deeply. The relationship dynamic or style doesn't matter, what matters is the love you give.
She isn't sure what kind of relationship she wants with you. She is scared of being hurt, and of hurting you, and you are also scared. So while you guys are both saying you love one another, then being apart, scared to communicate your true feelings, then on and off and with other people, and generally not sure what direction you are facing, just slow down, take a deep breath, tell her you love her and you want to be close to her and part of her life. If it helps you to communicate effectively and to say everything you need to say, write her a letter. It can be a really good way to say everything you need to say in the way you want to say it, which isn't always easy to do in person, and you can get interrupted by the other person when talking.
Say what you have to say, and then take it slowly. If you guys need to spend a bit of time being friends while you figure out if you are both willing to take the risk to go out with one another, and work out your relationship, then do that.
Sometimes the love we have and the love we want to have are two different things. Sometimes we love someone deeply and wish that the love can be expressed romantically, but the connection between the two people just doesn't work like that. Sometimes we wish we could just be comfortable as friends but we genuinely love them in a way that is more sexual than that. At times like this, you need to learn what the nature of your love actually is, rather than what you want it to be. When you let go of trying to put a square peg in a round hole and let the relationship be what it naturally needs to be everything will start to work out, whether that means being friends or being a couple, either one could be right or wrong for you. Just take your time to find out and try not to freak out about it either way.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (26 September 2011):
 hELLO,
You are really wasting your time. This girl wrecked your other relationship with her games and undying feelings then simply throws you out when you responded to her. This girl doesn't want you and she never will. She is not a friend or anything like that. She uses you to fuel her own insecurity. You need to run away fast as Babs1 and Jmtmj says. Do not waste any more time.
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A
female
reader, Babs1 +, writes (26 September 2011):
This girl is never going to be with you. I'm saying that as a young female who knows what your friend is doing. I'm so sorry to put it like this but she is using as someone to make her feel special (a little confidence boost). I suggest to move on and forget about her all together. If you decide to remain her friend (or move on) just know that any claims she has 'feelings' for you are her way of reeling you back in. When she says that and nothing follows right away and I mean right away. Shes full of it, and she knows its not going anywhere. For you own good forget about her or at least the part of it ever going anywhere. But ripping off the bandaid fast is usually the best way. Don't let this 'friend' ruin your future fulfilling relationships. Run away! Fast!!!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (26 September 2011):
 You either be her friend... or you don't. There's no moving forward with this girl and you really do need to accept that.
No really... you do.
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