A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I was in an on again off again long distance relationship for 4 years. We were not together for more than 5 months before he would leave again. He said the relationship wasn't working out for him because he wanted a real life in person relationship. We live 6 hours apart and would see each other once a month and stayed together on a minimum of 3 to 4 days. He claimed it wasn't enough for him. So he would leave for the same reasons each time. Only for him to return after 5 to 6 months stating he misses me. Once the excitement wears off, the reality of the distance hit again. Rinse and repeat.It finally ended for good when he met someone closer. He told that he likes her a lot and wanted to see how things go. I was jealous but understood because I couldn't give him what the new girl could. So I went no contact so I can also move on with my life.5 months later, he was already contacting me on Facebook, stating that he misses me and to text him. I didn't respond to these messages and that was it.Then a year later he started messaging me again on face book stating that he misses me. He sent several pictures of us together and said " remember this" I miss you my love, I can't live without you. Curiosity got the best of me so I ended up giving in. I wasn't having any luck with dating. I tried dating other guys but nothing ever worked out. So I thought he was serious based on his level of effort to reconnect with me and we're destined to be together. I was now at place where I could move to his city if necessary.We started talking again and he said he had always thought about me and is happy to reconnect.I asked him what happened with the new girl and he said " it just didn't work out"Then he suggested we Skype sometime. We made plans to skype but he started flaking with last minute excuses such as work etc. Didn't think much of it So we decided to make plans to hangout in person. I was going to drive to his city but he said it's better he comes to see me since he lives with roommates. He was living at home around the time we were together but had now had moved out and living with roommates according to him.So he said he will take 4 days off work to see me. And i was looking forward to it. We talked about it everyday. Then he started pulling back when the day of us meeting got closer. Then all the sudden he said sorry, i can't do this right now because I have so much going on in my life and the distance doesn't help. Maybe we might have something in the future once his life is secured. I was hurt all over again. But this time I was more mad at myself for going back to him after his push and pull. And I realized that i set myself up to get hurt. And i had no one to blame but myself.This time around i changed my number and blocked him everywhere. So I can move on once and for all. Then I found out from one of our mutual friend that lives in his town that the roommates he was living with was actually his live in girlfriend. Which now makes sense why he kept flaking on our plans to Skype. One minute he would be available to Skype or talk in the phone, only for work to pop up on the last minuteWe had no contact for 3 years and I pretty much moved on, until few days days I logged in on Skype only to see a message from him saying "hey my name" its me " his name" how are you? Please text me, I've been desperately trying to get in touch with you for yearsI haven't logged in on Skype since we were in contact so I had forgotten he was still my contacts. I blocked him there too..now i feel a bit annoyed why he won't stop popping up. If he is dating other women then what does he want from me? I was tempted to sent him a message telling him off and to leave me alone but decided to just blockWhy won't he stay gone?
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facebook, jealous, living at home, long distance, move on, moved out, roommate, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2020): You say he sees other women and you want to know why he is interested in you too - you have answered your own question. He wants them for sex, fun, thrills, conquests and he wants you for same reason. To him women are all the same. The more he has the better. But none of them are individuals who matter.
A
female
reader, AnnaGreen  +, writes (16 September 2020):
 I am sorry but I do not believe that you are tired of him and do not want him back. If that were true you would not be spending hours on sending this website an email and eagerly reading all of the replies. People do that in the hope of reading something encouraging, something that gives them hope that he is not that bad, that you are in a negative mood today, that all will be well but it is taking a long time.
You are not being honest with yourself if you say you are done and dusted of him totally.
You have a family, a life, friends, probably a job, hobbies, you would be spending your time on those things not investing hours and hours on someone you say is gone and in the past.
Until you can be totally honest with yourself about this and admit this to yourself you will never move on in any way. And every time you hear from him again - whether this be now or in three years time - you will melt and soften and tell yourself that this is different and make excuses for being in touch with him again. You may say oh well it is his birthday or oh well he needed some advice, but the real reason is that your hopes are still burning.
You are the only one who is fanning these flames. In between contacting you he is busy with another woman in a full time relationship, a woman he lies to. In many ways he is the equivalent of a married man who wants a bit on the side.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 September 2020):
 Good for you.!
I hope you stick to keeping him out of your life.
Want more for yourself and more from a potential partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your insights. I just want to clarify that we didn't have contact for 3 years because I finally had enough last time and blocked him on face book and change my number.I used to talk to my relatives back in overseas on skype. But now we speak on whatsApp so I hardly used skype anymore so it never crossed my mind to block him there. I simply forgot about it, especially considering the fact he hardly uses it and only signed up for it when we met so we could chat there.Blocking him helped because he was out of mind out of sight. so when I saw a message again from him few days ago, it opened old wounds and it isn't flattering anymore having him popping up again. I realized that he won't stay gone because I've always let him come back over and over in the past. The reason why i let him come back was because I truly believed we were destined to be together but the distance was too hard for him and neither of us were in a position to move at the time. He even told me that he sees a future with me. And asked if i would considered moving in with him sometime down the road. I was still in school so I couldn't just pack up and move. However, I considered it once i finished school and was at position to move later on. That's the reason why I kept taking back, I believed he wanted to be with me but the distance was too great. If we were local, I wouldn't have kept taking him back because he won't have a legit reason of leaving me over and overBut then last time we reconnected he treating me poorly and that's when I realized that I was just someone safe and reliable to fall back on when is single because I've always taken him back and always so willing. Which is why I blocked him this time. I never block him in the past because I was always holding up hope and thought everything would be different if we live closer but once I realized that was no future, distance was just his built in excuse and contact with him will only bring hurt and dissapointment , that's when i was ready to let go. Hence why i blocked so he can't contact me. I honestly didn't think he would be back this time around. I don't want to hear from him. And it actually pissed me off that he is attempting to contact me to point wanted to tell him off and to go away and F-off. But i realized it's best to be silent. so trust me, i do not wish to go back to him. I was so hurt last time. I know it won't bring anything positive in my life
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2020): You're caught-up in ex-boyfriend drama. You haven't moved-on; or you wouldn't be writing lengthy-posts about him; all the while knowing your first mistake was letting him back into your life.
You're filling-in his dry-spells! When he can't find a date, wants sex, and doesn't feel like going through a lot of hassle.
Wise-up, girlfriend! If you didn't already feel played and messed-with; your post wouldn't be so long!
If you didn't want him to "keep popping-up" you'd tell him you don't want to see him again, block his calls; and block him on social media, the minute you see his messages! Either you like the drama or you don't. If he refuses, that's what cops are for! When guys won't leave you alone!
Learn to make guys go-away and mean it; or you'll never move on, never have another relationship without ex-bf interference; and you'll unwittingly become a victim of a stalker, who knows you don't mean it when you tell him to get lost! Have your dad send him a message telling him to bug-off! You don't seem to have it in you to deal with this issue seriously. Better learn how! This sounds unhealthy on both ends! You can't be assertive, and he knows it!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (14 September 2020):
 Don't think, for one minute, that you are unique in having an ex who randomly pops back. Most of us have had exes like that. The difference is most of us allow them back once at most, then cut them off and never respond to any further contact attempts.I have an ex who treated me badly, cheated on me repeatedly and finally went off with someone else and married her. It took me a while to get over him but I did and moved on with my life. Blow me, some 10 years down the line or more, he contacted me on Friends Reunited (those were the days, lol!) telling me he had never forgotten me and understood if I hated him. I wrote back, telling him I didn't have any strong feelings either way towards him, that he was just a part of my past and that I didn't really think there was any reason for him to contact me again. And that was the end of that.
You have acknowledged you allowed this man to keep returning into your life. This made him believe that he could drop you and pick you up as the fancy took him, even if he had a girlfriend. You were always available to him.
You are finally doing the right thing by cutting him off. Even if he manages to get in contact by some means, you don't have to respond. I understand it can be unsettling to have him popping up constantly but if you stick to your guns and refuse any contact, he will eventually have no choice but to accept the situation.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 September 2020):
Why won't he stay gone?
Because you "let" him back in, OVER and OVER.
BLOCK ALL avenues of access, unfriend him on all social media, block block and delete.
If you no longer want to be on this rollercoaster ride, GET off.
You can't control what he does or doesn't do, you CAN, however, control what YOU do, what YOU allow.
Stop wasting your time on this dude.
If you can and want to date, find someone closer to where you live so yon spend time IN person.
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A
female
reader, AnnaGreen +, writes (14 September 2020):
It was clear when he said he had a room mate that it was a female, a lover, someone who had moved in with him as a partner, but of course he would not tell you that - instead he preferred to push and pull and go hot and cold and cancel skyping at the last minute when it was awkward.He got a kick out of having her there for sex every day and having you on the edges hanging around, similar to the way some married men are. He wanted the best of both Worlds, he wanted her to be the constant every day one and you to be the part time secret one. Of course he will try to get that back, he has nothing to lose and much to gain. He would have a great life, a life that many men would love to have, if he could have two women who are both faithful to him and dancing to his tune, lying to both of them.
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