A
female
age
36-40,
*uls1215
writes:Ok so I have been with partner for 6 now. We have lived to tether for a little more than 5. About 2 years ago she was unfaithful, when I found out was devastated, hurt, and angry. I couldn't understand why she did it. Well I forgave her, and went back to her within about 3 days. Yes that was my first mistake. I heard promises of she'd change, never do it again, and treat me better. She worked for it for about a week, then when she saw I wasn't going to leave her, nothing else changed. We went back to the same routines and problems as before. I do not wear the pants in this relationship. I let her run me as if I were a child. Over time I started to realize this. I was sick of not being able to do what I wanted because I had to make sure its what she wanted. I never make a decision for us, she always decides everything. She makes me feel guilty if I want to do anything that doesn't involve her. I have become a chronic liar about what I do and what I spend my money on in fear if getting in trouble. This goes back to, she makes me feel like a child, and her a parent. I put up with it, and let her win every fight, and sacrifice my own hppiness for hers because i like to avoid confrontation. I cant stand fighting with her because she yells at me, and makes me feel horrible when we fight. I love her. I know I love her with all my heart, but I don't know what to do. The issue is, very recently, my partner came home early from work and caught me in the middle of sexual intercourse with a man. I felt so hurt and list after that, I haven't been the same since. The real messed up part is I have been doing this for over a year, with different men. Now I am at a crosroads because I know I love her, I don't want to hurt her, and there are many good things about her and our relationship. A big part of me wants to work on our problems, and get thru this. Another part of me thinks she can't change or things will eventually go back to being the same. I also have feelings, of I want my freedom, I wanna be with other people, I don't want to throw the best years of my life away, or miss out on life experience, to wake up one day and say what if. But I love her so much I can't just leave her. I want to take a break to work on things, for both of us to work on things, but I don't want her to think I just wanna go be with other people, then come running back to her. She also says she don't want to take a break, and wait for me and I don't come back. I know there are no guarantees on what will happen, which is why I don't know what to do. I know if I stay, I'm not going to be happy, but I know if I go, I'm going to be heartbroken. I know this decision effects the rest of my life, and my well being. Please does ANYONE have any advice for me??
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 June 2012):
 I don't think that taking a short break will fix anything. It is a rather toxic and dysfunctional relationship and I think you know it.
The only thing I can see happening of you take a break is that you get some distance and take a good hard look at what you are doing to yourself by staying with her. And what you are doing to her as well.
End it, move on.
A
male
reader, Discovery +, writes (18 June 2012):
Assuming this post is serious, you really need to separate. There is no exclusive relationship here or one based on mutual trust and respect. At all. I think you both need to take some time off being single and figure out what you want and where you're heading.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 My advice is : be brave, woman up and pull the plug. Definitely. This is not working, and what you call " love " is anything but. It may be emotional addiction, it may be insecurity, it may be a lot of neurotic stuff- but it's not love, at least not the kind of love upon which a solid , deep, lasting relationship is based. Why ? Quite simply, because if you really loved each other you would not be cheating on each other at any possible chance. I am not saying it's a whim, it may be that these little walks on the wild side fulfill a very real, very entrenched need.... but it is an individual, self centered need, it's not a "couple " need.
If you carry on like now, it will get ugly and all the good that there was in your relationship ( because I don't doubt there are good parts ) will end in mutual bitterness, resentment, and hostility.
As for taking a break... personally I think breaks are just stupid, and are best left to teenagers. An adult couple, if there are problems, face them and solves them together- as a couple - or, decides that the problem is too big to be solved, and splits up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): Wow... this relationship is just never going to work. Neither of you actually love each other. You both just cheat.
She cheated and so you cheated back... with a guy. I'm not sure if you are gay or, bi or whatever, but your partner clearly flies that way and you not only failed to realise you cannot make two wrongs a right, but also insulted her entire sexual orientation.
Look... two people who are in love don't act like immature children and don't hurt each other in this way.
Break up and move on. That's the best advice I think you can be given here.
Flynn 24
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