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I want to change to stop this happening again.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Crushes, Friends, Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 March 2012) 1 Answers - (Newest, 25 March 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

boy keep using me and its making me so depressed,

theres this boy iv been texting a while now and he stated clearly he didnt want a gf but he did like me, we only met up once, as we do live about a hour drive from eachother.

i accepted this as i do like him but the other day texted me saying hes getting with this girl that lives by me.

this did upset me, but to make to worse he texted last night saying he was down her house, and that he cant just leave her to come and see me,when a couple of days before he said he cant drive to see me as hes to busy and if he was he couldnt stay the night only a couple of hours, yet he can for her.

this has hurt me as much as weve been text and talking since before xmas now and then he mets this girl once and does this.

this isnt the first time something like this has happened all boy i met seem to get gfs, and im always the one left hurt.

although i have got over this before im crying myself to sleep most nights as i just think of how many boys have done this to me and just done understand why they do, as iv asked two of them and all they can say is ur a lovely girl and really pretty but its just i couldnt see us going nowwhere, why do they think this, and how can i change to get of this boy and stop it happeneing again ??

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A female reader, supermum United Kingdom +, writes (25 March 2012):

supermum agony auntFirst of all, at your age you really need to work on your spelling and grammar... even if it is just a spell check (firefox has one built in free). Sorry if that offends you, but you should at least make an effort if you want people to put in effort in responding.

In answer to your post, it seems this guy was messing you around. He made it clear he was not looking for a partner to you, which means he is not interested, despite saying he liked you. When someone says that, it is best to try and move on to save yourself getting hurt like this.

This guy is obviously a bit of a jerk, and you are better off without him. You have people saying you are attractive, so you can definately do better.

It is difficult to say how to stop it happening again, but the best thing I can think of is to work out what sort of man you would like, then go looking in the right places. For example, if you want a man who likes quiet evenings in with a movie, you will not find him in pubs and clubs.

Also, you have to work on the 'friend zone'. Once you are in, it is hard to get out! If you are interested in someone, make it clear near the beginning, before you have a chance to become close friends. Many don't want to date their friends because something may go wrong.

I would also try and boost your self confidence, it seems you are getting knocked down a lot. Someone once told me no one will ever be able to love you enough until you learn to love yourself. You need to love yourself hun. You don't NEED a man. When you believe that, they will be falling at your feet.

You are still young and have plenty of time to discover yourself, what you liike etc and maybe you should focus on that at the moment rather than finding a man.

Often when you stop looking, the right guy will drop into yout life without you even realising :)

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