A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I’m in really hard situation.My girlfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago, and it’s hard to say who really ended it; it was as mutual as it gets but it was over text messaging. We have been fighting a lot and I think at that time we had had enough. We were engaged and her only flaw was uncontrollable jealousy to the point where I couldn’t watch movies like American pie.The relationship was really intense and we both didn’t have many friends outside the relationship... but all that stuff honestly didn’t bother me because I love her with every single bit of my heart. And I didn’t want friends while I had her.Toward the end stupid issues which I have consulted with other people in my life about have told me are ridiculous and assure me I’ve done nothing wrong and to get rid of my girlfriend.... issues like her refusing to go to sporting events because of cheerleaders, leaving me for 3 days because she found I googled a famous singer who was attractive and things of this nature. She had some insecurity issues as she had plastic surgery done, I knew her previous boyfriend and he had these same problems with her to rule out me making her insecure.There was no cheating, no signs of cheating just her and me.I gave up as I felt I couldn’t make her happy and I told her that I didn’t love her anymore and to leave when she threatened to go and said she couldn’t do this anymore, that was the last thing I said to her. Both our Facebooks say single... both our numbers have been changed but I know her... she wants me to chase her to prove i really love her... but this cycle has been going on for too long....i always go after her!! She’s posted all these posts showing she’s upset... I want to call her so bad, but it's been 2 weeks and what if it's too late?What if she’s fallen out of love with me.?What do I do???!!Please don’t give me answers saying she’s a jealous crazy person and you’re better off.
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female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 "Please don’t give me answers saying she’s a jealous crazy person and you’re better off."Why ask for advice if you don't want to hear an honest answer?I'll censor the part of my answer where I give you all the completely logical reasons that you ought to look elsewhere for a mate, and just skip to the part where I tell you what you can do should you decide to try again with this girl:Make friends with others outside the relationship. Talk to a professional that can help you understand why you feel the need to be dependent on one other person and why you're comfortable ONLY having that other person because that's not healthy. I've been there before, so I say this without condescension or a lack of understanding. That needs to change, and your girlfriend needs to change as well but you can't make her go to therapy. It will say a lot about her own maturity if she is indeed able to recognize that she too has some serious issues that make her unfit as long-term partner.As far as getting her back, just call her. You say you two have fought plenty of times before, so I'm sure you'll know what to say when she answers the phone or as you leave a message. I don't think she could have moved on in the span of two weeks. When a relationship as long as yours ends, it usually takes several weeks minimum to completely move on (unless your partner is the rebound type, which I doubt if she's not the type to have too many friends).Best of luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2013): Jealousy is a difficult emotion to control in some people. It isn't really love, just a strong possessiveness that some people feel. They may love you, but they also feel they own you.She is unnaturally jealous of the silliest things. Images or anything related to other females; whether real or virtual.Do you really want back into this mess? She's a bit dingy. You need to get out more; if you have isolated yourself to obsess over a relationship. Couples with no friends become co-dependent on each other. They are usually clingy and hold on so tight they smother each other. They invade each others space so much, they fight for air.You both need to get out and make some friends. You are both in need of some therapy to help you with issues that make you anti-social. You need other people in your lives, you can't survive in isolation. You are living against the world, instead of living in it.You are willing to return to a stifling relationship, rather than open yourself up and interact with other people; or meet other women. It is inevitable that you'll break up again;once you're pushed beyond your tolerance for her nearly neurotic jealousy. Two weeks without contact is stonewalling. She knows its killing you. You're being punished with the silent treatment; because she has decided she would rather move on than deal with you, and a relationship that obviously keeps her going out of her mind.You're better off. If you want to fill a lonely void, open your heart to others. Make a few friends and you'll feel all the better for it. Surely you won't miss trying to appease her bouts of jealousy over ridiculous things.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (14 April 2013):
 Okayyyy, I was going to say run away while you have the chance, but it seems as if you want to give this another chance.
Before you contact here do some research on available counselling, maybe Relationships Australia could help, or contact your local medical centre for a referral. Then contact your girlfriend, tell her you have arranged for counselling and that you would really love it if she came with you, becuase you love her.
You know her behaviour is crazy don't you. Ahh well. If she wont go to counselling with you, GO BY YOURSELF!!
You need to learn how to change your behaviour which will, hopefully, lead to her changing hers. You should also learn some coping strategies, maybe some calming exercises, and also counselling will give you somebody to listen and help you work out what you want.
Be aware, if your girlfriend is not interested or accepting of the idea of you two getting some help there is little hope of her behaviour changing or the relationship lasting.
You may be tempted to just do what she wants and get married anyway, without trying to change behaviours, before you do that, consider any children you may have in the future. Would you really want them to be spending their formative years with a cookoo like that?
I sure hope not!
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