A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well I've been with my boyfriend for about 8/9 months and he's the nicest guy ever we get on so so well and everything should be perfect if it wasn't for my jealousy. Ever since I split up with my ex boyfriend I've been so paranoid because my ex hurt me do bad he was so so controlling and has turned me into the monster girlfriend. I hide my jealousy from my boyfriend quite well but it hurts like mad inside. I'm so insecure about my looks and it hurts me when he looks at other girls in public or even on tv. I hate when he goes out and hes going on holiday this year with his friends and I know I won't sleep for the time he's there because of my jealousy. I also work with his ex girlfriend and I compare us all the time even thought she has a boyfriend and they split up 3 years ago and were only together a few months. I hate him being near another girl and it's really upsetting me I never used to be this kind of person and I think I should split up with my boyfriend because he deserves so much better than this. I wish I could get over my insecurities and have a happy relationship. Please help :( x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 Hi,
I think you should work on yourself maybe see a shrink to help you figure things out. Even if you leave him the jealousy problem will follow you and won't be resolve. You have to be happy. Good luck :)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 Don't break up with him! He's not going to believe you if you tell him "it's me, not you. You deserve better", because that is the classic line people say when they actually mean this "I don't like you any more, I want someone better". You'll just hurt his feelings. So if you actually want whats good for him then let HIM decide whether you are good enough for him, and work to be the best girlfriend you can be.
Get therapy, or start working on yourself. You're not working on getting through this or controlling this it seems. You're just suppressing it, and blaming it on your ex. Your ex is NOT the reason you are acting the way you do now. It is all you. Your ex influenced you, sure, everyone we meet influence us. But you are still very much responsible for your own actions and your own feelings, and YOU can decide how you want to feel and react. Blaming this on your ex boyfriend excuses you from taking responsibility.
You don't have to be jealous. You don't have to be insecure. You don't have to compare yourself to his ex. But you choose to. Work on alternative choices of feelings and reactions. Google how to handle jealousy, or insecurity. Or better yet, if you have the opportunty, find a therapist that you can work with to get through this and figure out why you feel the way you do. Once you find the cause of your feelings you can attack the core reason, rather than battling the symptoms.
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