A
female
age
26-29,
*u-ke-shi
writes:I know this is certainly an issue of insecurity and I so much hate this crappy feeling. Ok so I'm 18 and I got a boyfriend who's at the age of 31. We've been sailing smoothly for 2 years, age hasn't been a problem. I know that there's nothing to be scared about, he loves me so much and does special things for me - things he said he has never done before. But this ex of his' really bugging me.He mentioned her whole name to me before (Of course because I asked for it and I was completely intrigued about his past,you kno - asking questions about stuffs they've done and memories they've shared when I knew I'd just get hurt.) I remembered this and began searching his ex's facebook account. I thought I was just interested to know what kind of faces he was dating back then so I did the marathon searching. At last, I found her.She's 2 years younger than him, white, seems just fine; but I don't want to be rude to say that there's nothing so special about her, if you know what I mean. Nothing fabulous as in, simple as a plain shirt. I'm also aware of the fact that I'm way prettier and got more appeal than her besides the bonus of being younger than she is. Also aware that we've shared a lot more memories than they did. Plus, she's currently in a relationship with another guy (so that should've calmed me enough, huh.) My boyfriend has once told me that they'd just been together for 1 month and our relationship is the strongest and longest of all(Because I asked him, again.)The problem with me is that I've been busy stalking her profile and browsing her pictures (even her pictures at her friends' profiles) and been trying to compare her with myself with questions in mind like: "Did he really love me more than this woman?"; "What if he treated her more special?"; "What if he isn't over her yet?"; "What if they were happier than we are?" I even start a fight with my boyfriend sometimes...I ask questions then let the jealousy monster bite me afterwards.I know this is soooo sick and crazy right and you can laugh about it. I have nothing to be insecured of, my boyfriend often tells that to me and kisses me but this comforts me just for a while, then will find myself again stalking her profile. I need your help so bad... :-(
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facebook, his ex, insecure, jealous, stalking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 May 2012):
 Profile stalking.... browsing his ex's pics... pestering bf with questions about his past sex life and "who is better " ( and for a one month fling !, nothing really momentous ) ... constant need for reassurance... then you say the age difference is not a problem ?? It SO is a problem..... You are a teenager and you are doing insecure teenagerish things, if you were a more mature woman closer to his age range, normally all this stuff would not even cross your mind ( yes, there are exceptions of needy , vulnerable people, but: exceptions ). You would accept as normal and inevitable that everybody comes with a past, that in life we live experiences then we get over them, and that if he is with you , it's because he wants to be with you and not with her.
You must be REALLY pretty- otherwise I can't see how a grown up man would put up for long with this " insecure crap ".
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 May 2012):
Profile stalking.... browsing his ex's pics... pestering bf with questions about his past sex life and "who is better " ( and for a one month fling !, nothing really momentous ) ... constant need for reassurance... then you say the age difference is not a problem ?? It SO is a problem..... You are a teenager and you are doing insecure teenagerish things, if you were a more mature woman closer to his age range, normally all this stuff would not even cross your mind ( yes, there are exceptions of needy , vulnerable people, but: exceptions ). You would accept as normal and inevitable that everybody comes with a past, that in life we live experiences then we get over them, and that if he is with you , it's because he wants to be with you and not with her.
You must be REALLY pretty- otherwise I can't see how a grown up man would put up for long with this " insecure crap ".
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A
female
reader, bu-ke-shi +, writes (27 May 2012):
bu-ke-shi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we have lots in common. And we know ourselves better than you do. And to tell you AGAIN that is not my problem. How many times do I need to say this? Oh my why would I need to talk to you, you're just 16 and you know just a little. Better quit being a stupid shit and go somewhere else and do what suits your age. Bye!
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A
female
reader, bu-ke-shi +, writes (25 May 2012):
bu-ke-shi is verified as being by the original poster of the question@iAmHereToHelpYou:Yes saying that definitely has nothing to do with anything. I did say that just to tell readers and make them understand that when it comes to physical aspect, I have certainly NOTHING to be insecure about and I can't understand myself why - That is my problem. I wanted to find the reason to why I am like this. It's not easy you know. And who are you to judge that it's ridiculous for him to date a 16 year old? It's more ridiculous to know that he would stay for 2 years without having to feel anything serious with me.
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A
female
reader, bu-ke-shi +, writes (25 May 2012):
bu-ke-shi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes saying that definitely has nothing to do with anything. I did say that just to tell readers that when it comes to that physical aspect, I have certainly NOTHING to worry about and I can't understand myself. I wanted to find the reason to why I am like this. It's not easy you know.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 He was only with her one month, so am pretty sure he did not love her. It take a lot longer than that to fall in love with someone, it was more of a fling than a relationship in this time frame. You need to let this go or you might just lose him if you keep this up. You need to block her from your page so that it prevents you from going in and stalking her. Am sure she has moved on and so has he, you need to stop this or you will only keep making yourself feel worse about everything. Block her so you are not tempted to keep looking and just be happy in the relationship that you are in. If you keep this behaviour up you will lose him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 I suggest that you find and read the book "Passages." By doing so, you will learn just where he is, in his life; and compare that to where you are, in your life.
I suspect that you will find and see why people whose age difference is 13 years (that's a 72% age difference for YOU!)..... rarely can make the kind of conncetion that results in a successful, long-term relationship or marriage....
HE is delighted to say to you all the things that he must in order to get you in bed.... YOU believe that you and he are meeting and laying the groundwork for a life together.... Sorry, but chances of that are slender....
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