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I slept with my wife's sister and best friend, one is now pregnant...what can I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Family, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 May 2008) 17 Answers - (Newest, 9 December 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi all

This is all a complete mess!!!

I slept with both my wifes sister and her best friend and dont know what i can do now.

They both came onto me and are so hot that i could not resist either of them...

The problem i have now is that my wifes sister is pregnant and says that the baby is mine...i am at my wits end of what to do.....she said that she will pretend that the baby is her partners and noone will be the wiser, but i am not sure if this is the best thing to do or not.....

I want to stay with my wife but have messed things up big time and i dont want to hurt her..

any advice would be great..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008):

thats how women get scorn toward males dude. i can only imagine how you would feel if she did the same and became with child from another. my suggestion is to get a blood test anyway. the sister will eventually turn on your bond of secrecy. women lure men into those situations sometimes. now think of what your wife will feel from you...her sister and her friend. WOW! I know some lawyers cause you are going to need it

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A female reader, leni Ireland +, writes (2 December 2008):

duskyrowe is right, you don't shit on your own doorstep. She'll never keep up the story that it is her partner's child, you are kidding yourself. Bless the child, kids don't deserve to be born into such devious and messed up situations. You need to bring the child up somehow. you are going to have a lifetime of problems whatever you do because the damage is done. How rotten for you eh. I just haven't got any sympathy for you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008):

Go back for more. Why waste a good thing? She is willing to hide it so keep it up. I have 2 kids and one on the way with my wifes twin sister. It is our secret.

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A female reader, kdc Australia +, writes (5 June 2008):

well if there hot or not you have a wife ,i know how much it hurts , you need to be hit over the head !

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008):

This one is such a mess that I'm kind of amazed.

You totally need to be verbally attacked, but I think you already know it so I won't bother.

Your wife's sister sounds like a real piece of work. She seduces her own sister's man and is friends with someone who wants to help out & make it a threesome? And she gets herself pregnant out of it for a bonus? I don't know whether your wife should be angrier at you or her sister.

Abortion. It's MADE for situations like this.

(Although I'm already pretty sure your wife's sister won't be willing to have an abortion. She worked too hard at making this perfect, tragic, backstabbing mess for herself. She won't want to just to throw it all away now.)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008):

when i was a little girl my family used to tell me what you do in the dark comes to light and as you can see she's pregnant now so that saying is very much true dont wait for to see if your wife will ever find out bc my guess she will and your damned either way but i can tell it will hurt a lot less if it comes from you now rather than later and from someone else. yea there is a chance see may leave you but its time to own up to what you did.

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A male reader, mephistophiles Holy See (Vatican City State) +, writes (31 May 2008):

mephistophiles agony auntAhhh,

That's some good work right there. Not only are you a fantastic adulterer, you are quite silly as well to think that you will have no attachment to this child when it is born, or that the mother will keep with the whole "it's my husbands child" line. I take it your hoping your wife's sister won't resort to any form blackmail, however; she may not be happy to have your child and then not have the biological father have any hand in the raising of said child. Oh but that's right, she is in the same boat as you isn't she? Oh what a tangled web we weave........

There is always that other option, you know the whole truth thing, but honestly I am not a fan as it really plays hell on my numbers down here, but your choice. I hear it can be quite painful for all involved , but makes things alot easier in the future.

Well I would love to see all three of you down here for the monthly Adulterer's Ball, so keep up the good work and see you soon.

Yours in sin

Mephistopheles, aka Satan, aka Prince of Darkness

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A female reader, Lovely Sweet Laura Canada +, writes (29 May 2008):

Lovely Sweet Laura agony auntShe will be more hurt if she finds out the truth later on, so tell her the truth and let her decide if she thinks you are truly sorry and wants to stay with a man that was so easily tempted. It is gonna hurt her, but she will appreciate your honesty more now than if she finds out later in another fashion. If you don't say anything and she later discovers the truth, she will feel completely deceived and probably won't be able to trust you. At least if you tell her now, it's her choice if she stays with you after knowing what you did. Fess up and tell her the truth, it's the best way if you want any chance of keeping things going with her for the long term. best of luck!

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (29 May 2008):

duskyrowe agony auntThere is a saying where I come from....... NEVER SHIT ON YOUR OWN DOORSTEP!!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

You want to stay with your wife, then you should of thought of that before you slept with these two very special women in your wife's life, her sister and her friend. My god, you dont do things by halfs, do you. I think to avoid blackmail in the future, you are going to have to come clean and face the consequences. Tell your wife before she hears it from others. If you decide not to tell, and something happens and a DNA test is done in the future, you are going to have it all to face again, only worse, and besides, it is your child, dont you think you have some responsibilities to own up to??? Get it over and done with, you did the crime, now serve the time. You may find no one wants you one day, sorry but it is just what you deserve. If i was your wife i would kick you in the knackers so hard, you wouldnt come down to earth for a week.

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A female reader, brooke5426 United Kingdom +, writes (29 May 2008):

brooke5426 agony auntI totally agree with Dr Pete. I think you have to be honest about it. Yep you're gonna get in a lot of trouble but you knew that would happen when you had sex with your wifes sister and best friend.

The point is there is an innocent little baby involved in all of this who deserves to know where he/she came from and deserves to know who its father is.

Also, how can she be ok with letting her husband raise a baby knowing fully well its not his? That is cruel and very very hurtful when the truth comes out (which it will at some point). A lot of people will be hurt if you own up to what you have done but not as badly hurt as they would be if you keep quiet and then it all comes out further down the line. You cant let him raise the baby as his own then one day out of the blue discover he is not the biological father and that his wife had an affair with her own brother in law. You need to support your child and take responsibility for it.

Its a messy situation but honesty is the best policy and at least you will be worthy of a little respect and credit if you face up to what you have done and deal with the consequences like a man.

All the best

Brooke.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

I'd definately go with being truthful on this. It will take some serious guts and emotional strength to be honest for the short-term, but in the long-term it will work out for the best. The best for you and for everyone else involved.

I have a good friend who was the child in your situation and at age 16 she found out the truth about her dad and she went completely off the rails, that was about 5 years ago and she never did really get over how her family lied to her. Don't potentially fuck up someones entire life just because you decided to sleep around.

Someone once told me that when you are truthful with everyone, nobody can touch you. I think it's a good phrase :)

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A female reader, A Cappella United States +, writes (29 May 2008):

A Cappella agony auntYou need to know that you had a choice. "they came onto me" is a REALLY LAME excuse, and one that your wife won't take. Man up, accept responsibility that you COULD HAVE said NO, even if you don't say anything to anyone about it.

How would you feel if your wife slept with your brother AND with you best friend? How betrayed would you feel by all of them? Let's take this further: what if she got pregnant by your brother (assuming you have one) and passed it off as yours? Would you rather know now, or would you rather know never, with the chance that you might find out somehow? Would finding out destroy your brother's marriage too? What do you think would hurt the least? THAT's what you need to do for your wife.

Your poor wife. She doesn't deserve this from the people who are close to her. If you love her, you need to make sure this doesn't happen again.

So regardless of what you decide to do, steer clear of temptation; don't do this to her ever again. Try to be the spouse you know she deserves, especially since her friend and sister can't be trusted either. Learn to say "no" and take responsibility for your actions.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (29 May 2008):

Danielepew agony auntWell, the baby is coming. You need to find a way to help support him or her. Pray he or she doesn't have a strong resemblance to you.

Don't sleep with any of those two women again.

Make your mind whether you really love your wife or not, and act in consequence.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

The truth of the matter is can you live with the lies? If yes then keep quiet and make sure all concerned do also. If no then you are going to have to tell your wife but if you do you have to tell her the whole truth not just the bits you think she needs to know. Do you really want to destroy not just your own life but many others also. It is an individual response lie or not?

They do say the truth will set you free.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

Ok. I had a BIG essay written about how horrible you were, but I decided to cut it out because I have a feeling that plenty more people are going to be saying that to you.

I believe in honesty, but I don't know how your wife would react to such betrayal by so many of the people she is close to.

I don't know what you should do about the baby.

It could easily come out in the future.

Think about genetics -

Eye colour, hair colour, Blood type, everything like that,

God forbid, if anything happened to your child and it needed blood or an organ then you might be found out or have to confess. Think about what the child's life would be like after that, especially if they we a child or in their teens when they found out.

Do you think that your wife could handle the truth?

Do you think that you could live with the guilt and the anxiety of being found out or the possibility of having to confess?

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A female reader, aphexinfinite United Kingdom +, writes (29 May 2008):

aphexinfinite agony auntwell were not here to judge but geez keep it in your pants man!! its not a wonder your in the this mess and only yourself to blame..well you know it will haunt you for the rest of your life.. and your wife is gonna be mega pissed u slept with her sister if you tell her. can i ask did you think of contraception? you either tell her or not. but one way youll have to choose..you could risk loosing your wife and also ruining her sisters marriage too. or you pretend as your wifes sister said..but to me ide rather know than live a lie as a lie can be more hurtful than the truth and it will eat away at you over the years. but thats me..you gotta ask yourself what will be best for your wife and not yourself as what goes around comes around!!you owe it to your wife..how do you think you will feel when they baby is born and its your child ? dont you think the baby has a right to know who the father is? you gotta look at this from all the angles and not just your own..thats my opinion i know its harsh but thats how i feel sorry aphexy

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