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I lied to her but I never cheated!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, Family, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 June 2012) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 June 2012)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

After over 2 years together we hit the biggest of all speedbumps. I was caught texting a girl I used to hook up with. The messages were never out of line, on her birthday and mine we talked a bit. Than my now ex was going to send her a nasty email so I warned her and another time that I don't know what it was even about.

My now ex found out my password and found my texting records. She ended it a few days later when she told me about it. I broke her trust, I lied but I never cheated and she thinks I did. So the first week I was sending her emails as she blocked me. The messages she did answer basically told me she didn't want to be with me. So We have a child together. She was very angry the first day I got to see him calling me a cheater and such. I continued to try to talk to her for his sake, which didn't go anywhere. That same night her and her friend were harassing the girl whom I was texting with. So I asked her and her friend to just stop, if she doesn't want me than leave it be. They stopped, I emailed her that she was just trying to hurt me and make ppl against me. When her friend left, she called me and started a fight about it. I told her I loved her and hung up.

She called me back about 10 minutes later to tell me that shes taking our son away this weekend and wanted to tell me since I was his father. I told her that there was no need to call me to tell me, but that she doesn't want this. So she got mad and hung up and I left it be. In the am I emailed her to call me when shes up I need to talk to her. She called me and still sounded asleep (So she called right as she woke up). She began yelling at me and asked if I was taking our son. I said yes and asked her to calm down. She hung up on me and wouldn't answer. So an hour later I went to her house to get my son. She saw me and asked for 5 minutes to pack him up.

I waited by my car. I asked her for a hug and she said it would only make me worse. She gave me a hug for about3 minutes. I told her I loved her and wanted to fix it. She told me she didn't know if she loved me anymore. I told her to think about it. I left with my son. About an hour before I was supposed to drop him off as I had work she calls me to ask me to drop him off with her mother. Told me to call her first as she was going to the mall. I told her I loved her and she said okay. I asked her to tell me and she told me I didn't deserve it. I asked if she did and she said she didn't know. I got her a picture frame and put a pic of the 3 of us in it. When I dropped him off I emailed her to look in there. I knew she was home for about 3 hours now, and checked my phone records and saw a call to my friend on that Friday night. She called me to say thanks.I told her I loved her and couldn't chase and hung up. That night she emailed me and I responded back at 3 am but it didn't go through.

So she emailed me at 8AM saying she emailed me and didn't know if it went through. That email was sweet about how shes hurt and its hard on her but she doesn't want to give me an answer because she is angry and the answer would be no. So I resent the email I sent her to both her email addresses. She calls me 4 hours later to tell me she got it (Idk why). So a bit later I email her and ask her why she had to get into my head. I called her from a different phone a bit later and things seemed ok. Later she got mad at me again and we stopped talking. The next day I called her to tell her something quick. She emailed me to tell me it was sweet and thank me. I found out my mother in another state was taken to the hospital again.

I called her mothers phone as they were still away hysterical crying. At first she was there for me but then quickly said she had to go and hung up. We emailed back and forth for a bit and she called me back. She told me to call someone else that she was no longer there for me. I decided to pack up and head to my parents for a few days. When she realized what was going on, she called me back and asked what I was doing. I told her packing to go, she asked if I was coming back in a sad voice. We got off the phone, and about a half hour later she called me to tell me she loved me. We talked a little and she made it clear that we arent ok but no matter how hurt she is she loves me. So the next morning I sent her a email telling herto call me, and she answered she would in a few. We get on the phone and she is like the emails and calls need to stop, I don't know if we will ever be ok I need time. Than the fight goes on for a bit. She still wanted updates on my mom and such. I told her that I would be okay and not bother her. So between the 2 of us we kept going back and forth emailing. She finally unblocked me. On my way home I tried to talk to her again and she texted me and said she wants nothing to do with me.

I asked her to tell me she doesn't love me anymore and she wouldn't. So I called her and she changed her story to right now I don't want anything to do with you, I am too mad at you. I said ok I wont bother you again and left it alone. So at 330 AM she texted me as I was driving home. I didn't answer because I didn't hear it. She called me a minute later and it basically asked if I was going to file to pay child support in the AM. I said I didn't know and she got angry. We talked a little and that was it. In the AM I said to her that I didn't think its what she wantedbut if it isn't she needs to talk to me. She called me and yelled at me. Then she said she is mad. So when I got home I went to get my son. I asked her for a hug and she pulled away. Since all this happened I have blocked the other girl from even talking to me.

I never cheated but she thinks I did. Her friend told me she loves me and misses me but just doesn't know what she wants. Any help???

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A female reader, katiekate United States +, writes (30 June 2012):

katiekate agony auntJeez. You two need to grow up. Give her a few days to decide what she wants to do. Stop all the back and forth nonsense...tell her that you are going to give her time to think, and to call you only when she is ready to make a decision either way. If she contacts you and is still giving these immature mixed messages, then you need to decide if this sort of chaotic relationship is even what you want.

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A male reader, Xearo Trinidad and Tobago +, writes (30 June 2012):

Give her time and space, let her decide for herself.

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