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male
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*immy
writes: I am a 34 year old guy who up until recently due to a severe lack of confidence, have had no sexual partners in my life. Determined to sort the problem out, I tried internet dating and met a lovely young woman around my own age. We live some 80 miles apart though and I only get to see her at weekends when I drive down. I tend to spend a lot of money on her to help her out, leaving me broke.We have been going out now for 3 months and I really love her and she says she loves me too. Over the last few weeks though, there have been problems coming to the surface. Firstly, I am in a dead end job and desperately need to get a better one if we are to make our dreams of living together come true. Due to bad health, she is on benefits and living in a council property. She has a lot of debts.Next, when we make love, due to my lack of experience, I suffer from delayed ejaculation and have not been able to achieve it at all during full penetrative sex. Part of our plans are to have children so this is unacceptable. Other problems include the fact that when I see her, we spend too much time at her mums and not enough time doing things together as a couple. She hasn’t made one commitment to see my family. On the one hand, she complains that ‘I don’t pull her lead enough’ but on the other hand says that she becomes resentful when pushed. She complains that I don’t take the initiative with handy-man style jobs and just leave her to do things like set her DVD/Video/Set top box up properly, and cooking or suggesting ideas for cooking.Our contact during the week has become less and less, even though I make the effort to text/phone her, she seldom replies and then when she does it’s just a text to say she is ill and cannot talk. I’ve tried desperately hard to sort my problems out and become the better boyfriend but am nagged by increasing fears during the week that she is getting fed up with our relationship and that she will soon call things off, which will leave me heartbroken. When confronting her about this she says that it’s my imagination and I have nothing to worry about. What can I do to save our relationship and/or alleviate my fears?
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (13 April 2006):
 Jimmy - From what you say I really don't think I trust this girl - she sounds like she is very demanding and I am concerned that you have known her for such little times but you are giving her money.
Relationships only get better when both people are willing to compromise and work at them together. One person can't do all the work and it sounds like you are.
I think that you are compromising yourself here for a girl who doesn't sound very grateful or caring. The fact she won't reply to your messages and then blames you for the relationship problems suggests she is a selfish person and not caring about you or the relationship.
I think you are trying to hard and it is up to her to put something into this relationship.
Take care of yourself and be a bit cautious - I don't really like the sound of this at all. I think that you sound like you have been too generous, patient and caring towards someone who is being very immature and selfish. I think you deserve better.
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