A
male
age
36-40,
*carymunky
writes:My girlfriend and I had been dating for a few weeks when she cheated on me with another guy. She confessed about it to a friend of hers, and told me about it at a party a week after it happened. She only told me she kissed him though.A couple months later, her friend told me that she did more than just kiss that guy. I confronted my girlfriend about it and got her to confess that the two of them had sex. Both her and her friend told me it was a one time thing.I was infuriated, crushed, disrespected to the highest degree. I broke up with her. I got my stuff from her house and gave her back her's.The next day she kept calling me and was still trying to talk to me, crying, saying she didn't want to lose me, how sorry she was that it ever happened, that she would never do anything like that again. She told me she loved me, that she wanted to be with me when she went to college, to be with me when I left for the Air Force in November. She wanted me to visit her at college and she wanted to visit me at tech school. Some of what she said; "I can't take it back. I want to. So badly. I love you. I know you don't believe that. You are the only one who has ever made me want to settle down so much and that scared me.. and now I know you're what I want. I've known for a while. You're the only one. I can't even imagine holding someone else's hand, riding in another car, kissing different lips. I need you. Please I am begging you. I am absolutely begging you"I had talked about it with some people, done a lot of thinking. It hurt me a lot to try to let her go forever, and I thought I owed it to myself, not necessarily to her, to give us another chance, to see what could be. I didn't want to walk away from something I had such strong feelings invested in. I wanted to give her another chance to prove to me she was telling the truth, to find out if it she was worth it. I saw my forgiveness for what she did as the greatest act of love for her that I could probably ever show, and that if she couldn't be faithful to me after that, then she really wouldn't be worth it, and that's what I needed to know.I had broken up with her Thursday, and on Saturday she went to a party. I found out she made out with some guy and went down on him at that party. She told me it was because we were broken up at the time, and she thought there was no chance of us getting back together, because it was before she knew I wanted to talk to her again, and she was drunk and sad and vulnerable.Yes the two of us were broken up, but doesn't the fact that she hooked up with some guy two days after we broke up tell you something about how serious she was about the relationship and what she said? I was really ready to start again with her until I heard about this.. and now I don't know if I can. Any advice on this?
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broke up, cheated on me, crush, drunk, I love you, kissing Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011):
If she did that to me that would be the end of it. Maybe by losing you she will get hurt enough so that she doesn't do that to the next guy, but I doubt it. Unforgivable in my opinion.
A
male
reader, Zypher +, writes (29 June 2011):
Yo dude I signed up just to tell you the answer to your question is **** no. I'm sorry man, I hope you find the woman of your dreams and not settle for these girls that want to play games.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): Run while u are still infront of yourself! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (15 August 2007):
 Honey, don't bother with her. She used her emotional threads to try to keep you reeled in. It was a nasty and I am sure heart wrenching ploy. She is a liar and seems to go with the flow of parties doing all kinds of crap. You did extend to her the greatest compassion and forgiveness anyone could give in a cheating partner but she tossed that to the wind (again). Let your feelings for her go and enter the military as you like. Look for a good quality woman who has the same morals as you do and is confident in herself and in the goals she has for this life. This ex-gfShe seems to be a constant crashing train with no regard to your feelings or even her own sexual purity. I am sorry to hear that the woman you love disregards you most precious feelings but it is time to look for another woman and for you to invest in you, enhancing yourself. I wish you the best in the Air Force, they ALWAYS take excellent care of their people!
*former military dependent
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (15 August 2007):
 But you had split when it happened? thats what i was wondering. So technically i personally dont term that as cheating, and like i said, were you that serious after only a few weeks?
So she only 'cheated' if you want to call it that, once?
Still cant see what everyone is on about in here about her being a repeat offender, because the way i read it was that it was only the once.
C xxxxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): If you stay with her (and somehow I think you will no matter how stupid it sounds), then whatever happens in the future is your own dumba** fault from here. You've got repeated evidence that she'll lie/cheat/apologize and then lie/cheat/apologize again. (Make no mistake, ANY hurt that she causes you in the future is 100% your fault starting right now. You've got a choice right now and you are totally aware of what she's capable of before making it.)The more times you take her back, the more she's gonna get the message that you'll accept this. It doesn't matter what you say at all, only what you DO. The only way to convince her that you won't tolerate this stuff is to NOT tolerate this stuff. Unfortunately that means leaving her for good in this case because you already gave her one chance not to test you again, and she went right ahead and tested whether you really meant it again almost immediately.So, when you say you demand respect from her, do you really mean it or not?
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A
male
reader, scarymunky +, writes (15 August 2007):
scarymunky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to clear up a detail, she cheated on me after a few weeks of us being together. I heard about her kissing the guy a week after it happened. I forgave her for that. Then a couple months later into the relationship, I heard she did more than just kiss him, so I confronted her, and she confessed. Just clearing up that question in times.Thanks for the advice so far.She's been continually calling me. I do love this girl. I don't know what to do.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (15 August 2007):
Yeah, forget about it. It doesn't matter if that first one was a "one time thing". How many other one time things will come up?
If she claims she loved you so much and days later went down on some other due, she'd full of crap. I doubt you made her want to settle down within a few weeks and even if you did, making someone want to settle down doesn't make them have sex with someone else.
You're leaving and there's no telling what she'll pull then. Maury Povich and Jerry Springer shows seem to side with giving another chance. Considering who that comes from, your best bet is to walk away.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 You ahd enough reason the first time NOT to go back...and you are looking for a second one?
It is OK to want her back, but it is not OK to take her back. It does not matter if she was with someone two days later. What matters is she broke your trust the first time, and she WILL do it again.
I think you are looking for someone to tell you it is OK to take her back and try again. If you are unable to be firm and decisive on something this important, that might be the same reason she cheated on you to begin with.
Sorry dude, but you already know the answer. As painful as it is....follow through. You are a man, that's your job.
If you take her back after all this, she will never respect you.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, FlavorDude +, writes (14 August 2007):
Wow this girl is what I call an "M80" because she sounds like she is ready to go anytime and if you are anywhere within 100 yards from her you will be feeeling it in a major way. This girl is nothing but trouble. Now here is the million dollar question! You can cut her off like a surgean now and 1. Avoid getting your heart from being further demolish 2. Save your sanity and peace of mind 3. save your time and your hard earn money OR 4. you can take her back and have a few kids and then you really stuck 5. and then deal with the headaches of a cheating girlfriend or wife whichever poison you choose. Good luck
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (14 August 2007):
Hi
Hang on a mo, you had split, and had only been seeing her a few weeks anyway? Shows her seriousness of the relationship? Is a relationship ever serious after only a few weeks? Maybe im missing things here. Maybe she didnt think you would get back together if it was only a few weeks after you got together? And it would usually take more than a few weeks to actually fall in love with someone. You said it was a couple of months later that she admitted what really happened? So by this time, she may well actually have properly fallen in love with you. Her first mistake was to not tell the truth about what she actually did with him. But i guess you have to decide if you can get over this or not.
Do you start from now or can't you start from now?
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): I think this girl has some deep issues, for one she is too immature to have a healthy relationship with anyone, and your trust is misplaced here. I think she does love you, but her definition of love is one of dependency and need. Love is not about any of this. Love is a conscious decision made with the mind and the heart to "be" a loving person, to "be" worthy of love, and to put the needs of your partner above your own most of the time. She is not far along enough in her development to be capable of real love....I think you are wasting your emotional energy on a child....move on.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 August 2007):
 No future here Buddy. She's trouble with a capital T.
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A
male
reader, Karlos Omnis +, writes (14 August 2007):
 I think that this is a sign to leave this where it is.
She's cheated on you, and then as you say immediately went with someone else.
Normally i would say this would have been a rebound thing and that she just required some closeness, but because she said that it was because there was no chance of you getting back together, then it would suggest against this.
However, you need to judge how she feels now, and how much you believe what she said to you, and how you feel about her
If you do give it another shot, keep you guard up slightly, and i wouldn't sleep with her immediately if she's that promiscuous...
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A
male
reader, strawberries +, writes (14 August 2007):
This sounds remarkably like it was lifted from a Hollyoaks script.In my opinion she has already used up all her chances. The fact that she has lied to you repeatly, and even omitted imformation whilst begging to get back with you is out of line. It will make it almost impossible for you to trust her again.If your moving away then does that you'll have a long distance relationship? I'm sorry but long distance strains relationships where there is 100% trust. do you believe that you can have that with her again?
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