A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and me have been together almost a year and a half, of course at the beginning things were great.We had a period where we broke up for a couple months because of all the arguing. I can be somewhat insecure, overbearing and controlling and that's why he left me, but he begged me to come back home (we've lived together pretty much since we started dating) Now that we've gotten back together it's pretty much the same things, I try to not be controlling, but sometimes I can't help it, I just get so scared he's going to find someone better.I'm just so insecure.He says I'm selfish and times and just spoiled and that he loves me, but doesn't know why anymore.He's just not the sweet guy that made me feel so good about myself anymore, he hates to talk about the relationship he gets so mad and irritated, and about a week ago was when he told me all those things about how I acted selfish and that he didn't know why he loved me anymore , ever since then I've been trying so hard to be sweet and think before I do and say things.I do try not to be selfish and we've seemed to get along a little better which is good,but the night we had that argument he went and hung out with one of his friends who is a girl he lived with while we were split upI just went and looked in his phone at some text messages of hers and his and a couple days after the argument she asked if things were going better and he said " I guess, she's still annoying as ****" and she said "I'm sorry I wish u were happy, you deserve to be" and he said "me too" and there were some other little comments in there that kinda hurt my feelings, he's 22 and I'm 23 , I have a 2 year old and I have really matured I guess but he still likes to go out and drink and stuff which is cool cuz hes the one working right now and he's good to my lil boy, he's a decent guy but I just feel like I'm losing him and I don't want to because I'm still in love with him more than ever
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I agree with Cerberus... you guys are just together cause there's no one else or no where else to be....
When I'm feeling insecure about where my relationship stands I ask "how are WE?"
I may be sick as a dog,
he's in pain with something
so I'm not ok, he's NOT ok but WE are fine....
how are WE is very different from HOW are YOU
you should tell him "I know you are unhappy... and I'm not happy knowing your not happy and I think that you would be happier if we were apart... so let's figure out a way to end this nicely"
and then do it honey.
IF you love him you want him happy even if that means not being with you...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): OP this is just a dead relationship between two people who are just not compatible. It's as simple as that.
He says some very horrible things to you and you also treat him like another little kid so you're just not suited to be with each other OP.
You already broke up once, things haven't changed, in fact they've gotten worse and I think you know by now that being in love with each other is not enough to make this work, is it?
You just don't work together OP. You're not losing him because you don't really have him. Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe the only reason you're with him is because of your insecurity? That perhaps you feel he's too great to lose because you're not sure you can get anyone else? Just a thought OP because insecurity can work that way too. Your neediness, clinginess and insecurity may lead you to believe you love this guy with all your heart but perhaps that's not the case and you more hate the idea of being alone than actually really love him.
I don't see this working at all, and I don't see you leaving him either, so I guess you're just stuck in this unhealthy relationship until he decides he's had enough. I hate to say it and I'd love to ease your insecurity but I can't because you have no security in this relationship at all because you simply just don't work well together.
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A
male
reader, HotGeek  +, writes (13 September 2012):
"why does he stay" - because men "never leave into the vacuum", unless really driven against the wall. We do like our breakfast made, shirt ironed and all that.
He will leave you when he finds another girl ready to take him. I don't know how to help you because you mostly concentrated on complaints instead of presenting facts. OK, you're clingy, but to what degree? Being a bit jealous is not unhealthy, but if you keep asking him where he was when he comes back is very annoying.
You need to act quickly though, it's kind of on the edge already when he has an emotionally supportive friend. A shrink perhaps?
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