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I don't want to snoop through his phone but I think my husband is cheating

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Family, Marriage problems, Three is a crowd, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 February 2017) 7 Answers - (Newest, 21 February 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I'm worried my husband is cheating. We've been married 7 years and have had the happiest relationship.

He started a new job 6 months ago and his behaviour has changed. He's started keeping his phone on silent, or constantly on his person, something he's never done before. Hes also lost his sex drive. We used to make love at least 2 or 3 times a week but we only have twice in the last 3 months despite me trying to instigate it. He's taking on extra shifts at work and gone from working 3 shifts a week to only having 3 days off in the last month.

Tonight being Valentine's Day is the first time he's had to stay on late - and is working in a part of his company where he doesn't get phone reception, although he did call me for all of 30 seconds to check in. He was due home at 6 and it's now 9. He has text a couple of times though.

Does it sound like something could be going on? I want to confront him but don't know how and I would never dream of snooping through his phone.

View related questions: at work, sex drive, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (21 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI would follow your gut instinct and have a talk with him, don't accuse him off anything but just tell him you are worried about your love life and all the extra work he is doing. Have you access to his pay slip so you know for sure he is at work? Be honest and tell him you feel you are both drifting apart the last six months and see what he has to say.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2017):

I actually disagree with some of the comments on here.

I am not convinced that your hubbie is cheating. You mention that he took on many more work shifts. Couldn't it be that he is now too tired for frequent sex because he is being overworked?

The cell behaviour is strange if it is truly a change from how he used to be though. You have a right to be suspicious for sure.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions, but I WOULD snoop!

That is the only way you are going to know for sure and put your mind at rest. Take a look at his phone secretly.

If you confront him, he will cover his tracks, delete the texts, guaranteed.

Instead, do a little investigation. Good judges don't convict the suspects before they've had it all investigated! You do the same!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017):

God! Really, if I've learned anything this is one of maybe 5 things I learned, if someone is ultra protective with their cell, it's not cause there's classified nuclear codes on it.

I've also learned sooner then later they'll mess up, u need to be watching like a hawk for this opp,then snag that phone and make sure you are ready for what you'll find. thats the part I must stress, if your not,why bother looking at all? Be in the right presence of mind, and make sure your ready to forward all incriminating texts to your cell, how u handle it from there is a different topic.

I gotta agree with the below response, if u didn't hear from him on Valentine's, I'm sorry your back burner now, a side piece,without question, not to sound unsympathetic, I'm very sympathetic, obviously I have experience in this field, and I have no patience for it,

I wish I'd had followed what the aunts had told me, it's only after a similar situation I realized,people on here no what their talking about, probably from experience, and now I not only take every single word they say seriously, I gotta dish out some advice myself, lose this sucker,or stay and play his game, your gonna do what u want and nothing any of us says will probably change that, but I'll tell you right now, u don't even need to check his phone, we will validate it for u, check out and move along.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017):

It sounds very suspicious. Have you confronted him about it? If not then I think you should! I don't know what sort of job he does but next time he's working late maybe you could call his workplace pretending to be a customer and ask to speak with him to see if he is actually there. I know snooping on people's phones is bad but if I were in your position I think I would wait until he's in the shower and sneak a peak.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017):

ooo... girl you don't need to go through his phone. What happens in the dark comes out in the light. You will know sooner rather than later that he's cheating. Just wait on it.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (15 February 2017):

There is a say: If you can't get hold of your man on Valentines Day you are the side piece. Sadly it sounds like your husband has found someone new on his job and you have become his side piece. All the signs are there. You know it. The question is what do you want to do about it? If you need permission to snoop go ahead snoop. But if he is smart enough to keep his phone on him at all times and keep it on silent then he's probably smart enough to erase any evidence so you may not find anything. But that won't change what you already know.

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A female reader, Enough already  United States +, writes (15 February 2017):

A woman's intuition is rarely wrong. Sorry, but I speak from experience. Ask him, if he becomes super defensive or wants to make you think you're crazy, you'll have your answer. Best wishes

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