A
male
age
30-35,
*obro
writes:Quick introduction. I'm having confused feelings over a female friend. I'm 18 she is 17 just over a year younger than me. She started in sixth form college (UK) the year after me. Anyway, she was the friend of a friend, and she started spending a fair amount of time with us. At first for a few weeks I found her somewhat annoying. Not sure why, as she had and has a very positive personality. Anyway, we started spending some time together when my friend was not around and I got used to her. A few weeks later I started feeling a little attraction. Then my grandfather died after a long illness. The morning he died I went into college even though at this point I did not know whether he had already died or not. Anyway, she was the first friend I saw that day.Over the next month we spent more and more time together and I guess I kind of started having a crush on her.Anyhow, shortly after, just after the Christmas holidays, she started a relationship with someone I was somewhat friendly with in college. I was a bit upset but very quickly got over it and felt ok. We still spent time together and my feelings seemingly went away. I developed somewhat of a friendship with her boyfriend (common interest - movies) and so on occassion the three of us would spend time together, often with my other friend (s) also.Then there were concerns from a few of her friends that he was a prick and she was too good for him. Anyhow he begins treating her as though he holds her incontempt. Someone talks to her about his behaviour I talk to him. We discuss it in a friendly manner and he seems to learn his lesson. I'm still at this point unaware of how much a prick he is, but as time goes on I get to know him and what he gets up to, his attitudes and so forth, I begin thinking what a poor choice she made in him.Of course I still spent time with her and I realised there seemed to be a potential trust issue between them. Very simple really at first. He seemed to borrow a lot of money from her. She nearly admitted to me that she didn't trust him to pay her back, but she quickly changed to her tone to "It doesn't matter if he does". She seemed a touch defensive at that point. Now I know it is a small point but it did suggest to me if she doesn't trust with something as small as that, she really is mixed up if she has convinced herself that he can trusted with more important things.Moving on. In the last, I dunno, 6 weeks to 2 months I've started having feelings of attraction for her again. We are spending A LOT more time together so I guess that is why. I came to realise before what a lovely, sweet person she is. And now I just spend time with her whenever possible (I'm at the end of my course so I'm not in that often to see her). Mostly just the two of us. And we both love each other's company. A couple of weeks ago, I said to her (this was my last day of college before my exams - I had no idea I would see her so soon) that she would go far with her intelligence, positive attitude, kindness and good looks. She took it as a friendly compliment, and said later it she thought it very kind. Anyhow, before I left we hugged and I kissed her hand (I had to - it is done maybe not the best thing but I don't regret it).So anyhow we spend a lot more time together. I've bought lunch for us once or twice, she has offered to return the favour once or twice. Another thing that happened - she was quite stressed one afternoon, so I took her hand and held it for a bit while I tried to reassure her. She did not seem to mind. She also chooses more often than not to sit next (sometimes quite close) to me even when she can sit equally comfortably within talking distance elsewhere. Also when we are walking she stands a lot closer than she used to. We also met for the first time outside of college and in response to my suggestion of meeting over the summer she said she would like to. I'm not reading into this as though it is anything more than being friendly as I have already said what a sweet young person she is.Now. What to do? Should she know how I feel?She is in a relationship with this prick. I don't want to interfere if he makes her happy but I don't know how much longer he will keep it up.Am I just feeling confused?Some people have suggested that I don't dismiss the possibility of her and I being a relationship one day. I'm not sure what to think.Just to add, it’s now summer, and we’re both trying to arrange a time to meet over this period also.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dobro +, writes (15 July 2008):
dobro is verified as being by the original poster of the question I realise I forgot to mention I'm going to university towards the end of September. It's only a couple of hours away, so in the remote possibility of something happening between us, it might not be too great a distance to cause problems.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): Oh, sweetie...you are in love. I think the lady in which you are speaking would be honored to have your love....If only she knew it was hers to have. Just be honest with her (I wouldn't suggest confessing my undying love or anything.) But let her know that you do have strong feelings for her. In 10 years you don't want to regret not telling her how you feel. As for her boyfriend, I think he needs to have honey put all over him, and put in a ant bed, then swiftly kicked in the shin. Good Luck Sweetie!!
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A
female
reader, BendychickP  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 I think that this girl is confused. It appears that she is having feelings for you, but isn't over the 'prick' yet. Lack of trust in a relationship is definetely not going to get it very far. You should be honest with her about your feelings, it's not good to bottle up emotion. Tell her how you feel and that if she'd like, to give you a go at being in a relationship. But this comes with a risk, if she doesn't return your feelings, it could make the friendship awkward. But I think this girl is starting to see you as more than a friend, just by the way she acts. I know how you feel about the whole her having a boyfriend thing, I'm in a similar situation at the moment. My friend has a boyfriend that is not good enough for her but you should be careful in bringing up her boyfriend in a bad way. She may get defencive or worse, get angry with you. If you tell her how you feel, don't bring anyone else into this. Don't go on about what so and so said, just keep it between you and her. I think that you have a good chance at having a relationship with this girl, so good luck!
Bendy xx
PS:Better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.
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