A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I will be 18 this year and I am still a virgin and the reason why is because I'm so confused and scared. So I spend time watching porn gay and straight and I am so sexually confused. I find a gay interesting first and ive been looking since about age 13. when I found gay porn interesting I labeled myself gay because I was interested and liked looking at it (I think it was the first thing I masturbated to) I like some girls and want to be in relationships with them. I don't get quickly aroused to them. but why do I want to be with them at times then? Today I watched straight porn and checked out women and how it worked. I was interested but I didn't get hardly aroused like how I do when I look at gay porn but I still masturbated to it watching men do them and I imagined myself doing them. I don't know if I want a girlfriend or boyfriend. But I scared to have either because I don't know how to have sexual intercourse when either I'm scared and confused. (like what if I be in a relation with a girl for a month and I was really interested in her and when we started to have sex for the first time I don't get aroused for some reason or if it was the other way around with a relation with a guy? I don't want to embarrass myself or hurt anyone's feelings or make them mad. I want to have sex and I'm ready to have it. I don't know what to do. What's the solution?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 As an older(much older) married man(note the missing word"happily") that can attest to the fact some guys will never be real positive and secure in their absolute direction. Watching gay porn is exciting, so is watching lesbian porn. Not to worry, it's all normal.
A
male
reader, Sex_counsellor  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 This confusion is a very natural part of development and most people will not admit it but will have had the same confusions. The think you have to think about is do you have sexual thoughts of other men or is just that you don't for women? I would recommend you try a straight relationship and see how things go physically. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sex_counsellor +, writes (24 May 2011):
This confusion is a very natural part of development and most people will not admit it but will have had the same confusions. The think you have to think about is do you have sexual thoughts of other men or is just that you don't for women? I would recommend you try a straight relationship and see how things go physically. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (21 May 2011):
It sounds like you may be bi-sexual.Go on actual dates with blokes and girls and see what you prefer.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 May 2011):
 Quit the porn. It's fake.
Get out there and meet people. Date a girl (or heck a boy too) see how it goes. It's not so much about sex, but what attracts you. Many teens are sexually "confused" and it's not really abnormal to not be 100% sure of your sexuality. The sudden excess of hormones is hard on the poor brain & body, let alone the emotions.
We use labels to simplify life. Some thing just aren't that simple.
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 hey,
you may be bisexual.. there is nothing wrong with that.
simply: get a girlfriend/boyfriend, and share a nice physical and emotional connection, or focus on other things in life :)
life isn't all about sex, and you can decide to be who YOU want to be. gay, straight or bisexual, your choice is your choice and people will accept you for who you are.
have a great day friend!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 The solution is to stop focusing so much on sex and trying to label yourself and force yourself to do something.
Step one: get a partner. Be that a girl or a boy. See of it goes. If you don't feel it's a good match, end the relationship/don't go on more dates, and find someone else who you are in love with, and are sexually attracted to.
Step two: don't try to go for a one night stand. Get into a relationship first with some one you KNOW you are interested in. Don't base this on porn, base it on the actual person in front of you. It's easy, either you are interested in them or you aren't. If you aren't sure, then say it's a no and keep looking.
Step three: at this step you will have been dating, forming relationships, and figuring out if your partner is the person you want to share a sexual experience with. At this stage you will not have to worry, because you and your partner care about each other, have a mutual interest in each other, and want each other sexually. Together you will sort it out.
Now, stop confusing yourself, it's hardly as difficult as you make it out to be. You don't have to label yourself or be either or. If you end up in a relationship with a guy, great, if it's with a girl, that works as well. Why try to put a label on yourself and limit yourself from who you're allowed to love and be attracted to? If you find someone, no matter their gender, that you like, GO FOR IT. It's not more complicated than that.
PS. What people get turned on by in porn rarely matters when it comes to their real life sexual stimulants. The two are separate. You don't have any sexual experience, hence you do not know yet what you like. All you know is what type of porn you watch, but that says NOTHING about what you actually will prefer in real life.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (20 May 2011):
My advice is to date a girl,see how it goes and if it turns you off then date a guy. But society will be more receptive to a guy/gal relationship than the other.
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