A
male
age
30-35,
*aimemurray
writes:Nearly 2 years ago my relationship with my parents rapidly deteriorated because they would get drunk and out of control, and then constantly abuse and threaten me and my fiancée. I was thrown out of my home by my mother, who is an alcoholic and, i have realized, is totally unhinged, and she immediately spread lies about myself and my fiancée, so that my family and friends would be on her side, and i did not have the chance to tell people what really happened. These lies resulted in us being beaten up, threatened with a gun and unable to leave the house because we were just immediately followed and had rocks thrown at us etc.I was unable to get back home to see my 10 year old brother and sister because my mother went completely mad, and was harassing and terrorising my and my fiancée's family continuously for over a year.My siblings have been told lies by my parents (the few i have heard are that i tried to stab my mum, and then ran off with my fiancée because i didn't care about my family), and they turned against me almost straight away. They were very abusive when i saw them in the street, but they sent me cards at Christmas saying they loved me and wanted me back.I have now moved very very far away, and we are finally safe, and i have started to rebuild my life and myself, and desperately want to contact my siblings, to let them know i didn't leave them out of choice, and the things they have been told aren't true, and i still love them.I have no idea what to say though? They are 10 and 13. How should i phrase the letter? Obviously i can't just tell them what happened, as they aren't going to believe that their parents were the cause of all the problems, or believe all the things they did to me, but I want to explain that i didn't do all the bad things they have been told, and that i love them .... help!!
View related questions:
alcoholic, christmas, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (18 September 2009):
 I would think that Emilyanswers has a great idea when she suggests first attempting to contact them by FaceBook or Twitter, etc.
It would be most beneficial to them, as your mother’s likely targets, to be able to contact you in return. They will feel less "abandoned", if that is how they are likely to feel and you can be sure they will contact you if their safety is in jeopardy.
It is more important to open a line of communication than it is to explain to them your side of the story. That can come in time. And it will be easier for them to accept when and if they suffer at your mother’s hands as you did.
In the meantime, they will not feel “caught between two sides”.
If the internet is not a viable solution, try sending them a benign "Thinking of you" card. In it you can have your email address or a postal address they can write to you at.
Let them know you love them and miss them and hope they will contact you soon.
Keep sending cards (Christmas, etc).
If Mom thinks these communications are benign, she will be less likely to intercept them all the time. You can them, possibly, give your phone number to them in private... just in case.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 September 2009):
I think writing to them is a good idea.
However, a letter is likely to be found by your mum.
Now you are gone, you know full well she will have started on them so you don't want to give her fuel to accuse them of being on your side and making their life miserable.
If the older one is 13 then chances are they will have a facebook, a bebo, a myspace or a twitter page.
If I were you then I would use THIS to contact them as they can get it at school and hide it from your parents a lot more easily.
As for how to phrase it, I'd be honest with them. Talk in simple language but write (at least to the 13 year old) as you would to someone your own age. Give him credit enough to be able to handle it.
I'd leave the 10 year old out of it to be honest, he can get it explained to him by his older sibling.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (18 September 2009):
softtouchmale2003 gave some good advice.I'd write a letter, and let it sit for at least 24 hours and re-read it. Read it though the eyes of a 10 year old and read it as if you where your Mom.It might be enough to tell them that you miss them, and look forward to seeing them again one day and that you love them. make sure that you don't build up any false hope that you're coming home soon if you're not.I'd put them on a regular schedule of getting mail from you. You might be able to find a service that you could mail letters to and they would mail them to your siblings. that way the post marks would be far from where you actually live.
...............................
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (18 September 2009):
 This is terribly sad. Alcoholics are very difficult and unhappy people.
Writing that letter is going to be hard too because you're siblings have no idea who to believe.
No matter what you write, your parents will read it.
I would suggest though that with all that violence, you post it from a town far away from where you live. You don't want them to know where you live and so keeping a return address off is probably a good idea too.
But getting back to your letter, it seems that you're going to have to think at their level and word it so they can understand it.
Without saying anything bad about your parents, you can tell them that you and your fiance had to move and you miss them and love them.
That's all they can understand right now. Perhaps later you can reconnect with them and tell them everything.
...............................
|
