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How do I tell my bf I want a baby at 13?

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 February 2008) 27 Answers - (Newest, 15 July 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ohkay.I am 13 years old.I have done everything with a guy.The first time though I didn't use protection hoping I would get pregnant.But I am dating this guy right and I really love him.I want to have a baby with him but how do I tell him?I am young too young for a baby I know..but I want one.Not to prove anything just for my own reasoning.Don't say I am too young because I know I am.But this is what my heart desires.But how do I tell him I want a kid?

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A female reader, leobabygirl13 United States +, writes (15 July 2008):

ok i am so the same age as u and sometimes i think i want a kid and my bf chris wants me to have a kid but i no i am not ready for a kid so just really think about that if u have a kid what are u going to do wit him or her during the day dont think parents cause they can be really suportive but no in cases they dont aprove of dont tell him canse u really dont want a kid u are just probably being pressured by ur friends i have a friends who is now 16 she has a 3 year old her parents kicked her ut and now she is living with me u c u dont want to have to go through that just like jamie lynn spears brtitney spears' lil sister is 16 and almost died going through labor u could not be as lucky just take this in jsut like every body else told u ur to young dont throw ur life away

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

ok i just turned 14 in april and i am going to have a baby in june and i told my boyfriend that i wanted a baby by just moving hands every other place.. have u tried getting him really horny amd hard and then have him cum or put semin in ur vagina?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008):

look i am in the exact same position.I am also 13 and i really want a baby too! i just dunoo how to tell my family or anything!! I do think i am young aswell but teen parents are just as good as other parents! People just need to get a grip.Look if you really want one play around with his head a bit be like what would you do if i got pregnant and stuff and see what he says and dont be afraid to tell him that you want one! If you really want one just tell him

xoxoxoxox

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

I beg you to please listen to your own words for a minute: You say you know you're too young for a baby, but it's what your "heart desires" so you must have it?

Where does the baby's best interests fit into your thinking? Anywhere?

A baby is not a toy.

If you want a baby so badly, then try babysitting someone else's baby for a day. Then try paying for everthing it needs during that one day. Then try to keep that up for one week straight.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008):

do not tell him and trust me you do not want a kid w/this guy,cause he may dumb you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008):

Girl i know how you feel im 18 and i want a baby with my boyfriend of two years..yep high school sweeties.. but your thirteen. yes it will wreck your life but think of the physical complications. with being young your body isnt ready for it and if it takes on the pressure of delivering at a young state it could hurt you alot. mybe it could cause something to go wrong and he or your parents will be left with hospital costs and a motherless child... it also puts a financial burden on you, your man and your family. Im a neonatal nurse in training so if you need any questions answered email me at [email address blocked] im always available for questions and will gladly sit down and email you what you need to know

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008):

The reason people are responding to your question with so much anger is because they just feel like they are watching someone wreck their life.

If you don't want to listen to the angry people answering your question, or the wise older advice givers with good reasonings, or the friends/family people who are close to you . . .

. . . Then just listen to other teenage mothers. SO MANY OF THEM felt like you did before having a baby. And yet they almost NEVER say they still think it was a good idea now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008):

What state do you live in? How old is the boyfriend? and do you live with your parents? Is your boyfriend 13 like you? Does your family know you are sexually active and even know you have a boyfriend? It would be extremely selfish of you not to consider how your 'reasonings' would affect all others in your world - Please do not be stupid enough to get pregnant at all whether you ask this guy or one of the many others you may be doing everything else with!

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A female reader, sexi South Africa +, writes (20 February 2008):

sexi agony auntHi

If i found out that my 13 year old sister was having sex, leave alone wanting to get pregnant i will kill her with my bare hands. Stop you irresponsible behaviour. You want a baby when YOU YOURSELF IS STILL A BABY.Learn to spell sex before you decided to do it.

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A female reader, Crisy United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2008):

Crisy agony aunthey listen, im sure you really love ur bf and wot u have is special. But i think ur hormones are just a little screwed up at the moment. I dont think ur bf will b 2 happy about it anyway, you need 2 rethink your options. good luck hunni xx

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A female reader, lushlass93 United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2008):

lushlass93 agony auntyou shouldnt be having sex at this age

you dont really want a baby believe me i am 14 and i am going throught he same thing and so are my friends everyone does

every where i go i want one and its unbelievable beilive me your boyfriend will not want a baby and you will end up breaking with him

ots just a faze you are going through and it will pass

keep safe and stop sleeping around thats all lads will use you for

good luck

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A female reader, babybegone United States +, writes (18 February 2008):

Wow.

Ok, first of all, you're only 13, you shouldn't even be having sex at 13, let alone be wanting a baby. Think about your future, not just what you want now.

Just the fact that you want to have a baby at your age means you're not mature enough to deal with one. Think about the consequences, seriously.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (18 February 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntI hope you don't live in my state, we have enough women and children on welfare.

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A female reader, xapathyxrebornx United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2008):

xapathyxrebornx agony auntThe other aunts said it alot.

1. He will run a mile.

2. you're 13, you're not even old enough to get a full time job to look after a baby. It is also illegal for you to even have sex. Your boyfriend can get done for statutory rape.

3. Babies are not a damn accesory. They are a life who needs constant care and attention.

4. If you have a baby it means no more childhood for you. All the attention goes on the baby. You wont be able to go out with friends. If you think you can dump a baby on youur parents your stupid. If you WANT baby be prepared too look after him or her.

5. You dont have the life to support a child. if you want one to care for one so much do you really want to bring a child into a life with nothing good in it and living a struggle?

think about some things x...dont be an idiot...wear a condom x

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A female reader, Capricorn71 Australia +, writes (18 February 2008):

I had my first kiss at 13, and sex at 15. Kids seem to be doing things younger and younger these days. When I split up with my first 'sexual' boyfriend at 15, after just 3 months I was devastated. My mum told me that by the time I got to her age I may only vaguely remember him and could probably cover my whole bedroom wall with photos of boyfriends. She was right. We all remember all too well how it is to be so young, you really do believe you are completely grown up, and it's not until you get older and older still that you realise more and more. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but having a baby is something that you cannot go back on. At 13 you're having sex, my advice is to explore the love that you can feel with a person and just enjoy that for a while. Having a baby is NOT the answer. You need to get the idea right out of your head and enjoy all the wonderful things there are in life there are that you can't do once you have a baby. Life will go quickly up, and you'll be grown up before you know it. Don't wish it away any faster! Teens and 20's are SO much fun and there will be a million things you haven't done yet, sexually or otherwise - I promise you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

When you tell him, he's going to run a mile. Do you know any 13 year old boys who want a baby? Why don't you wait till you are in a committed relationship where you can both support the baby it's not just fun and games. It's even hard being pregnant! And don't think your friends will all come round playing with it, that doesn't happen for long then it loses all it's 'aww how cute, we'll come round for a bit'.

I'm 17 and recently had a miscarriage. It was extremely hard because I'd only just come to terms with having a baby and being pregnant also I'd already had alot of time off college because I was so ill with morning sickness that I was just sick and feeling like crap. Whilst the Dad, who I'd been with for 3 years dumped me as soon as I told him and treated me rubbishly - threatened me because I wanted to keep, get his friends to threaten me and when I went round to tell him that it was my decision he tried to physically hurt me and tell me how I should just lie on the floor so he could stamp on me till he was sure it would be dead. Then I had all the stress from telling my parents and then realising that I can't do what I want to do. And the baby was an accident, whilst your planning something you have no idea what your going to do. And I was on the pill, your 13 and you purposly had unprotected sex to get pregnant whilst this poor boy has no idea what your planning to trick him into. Do you really think he'll say 'Yes! Let's be a family.'

You should really think about this. I had the heartache of loosing a baby that I did end up wanting, and it was the worst feeling when the Nurses told me it's heart wasn't beating anymore (I had to have 3 internal scans in 2 weeks. First 1 it was healthy. Second the heartbeat was slow, and third one no heartbeat :( ). Even though I'm older than you with my next boyfriend I won't set out to get pregnant, I want it to be special for both of us and not just to get a baby. It just shows how immature your being, they aren't dolls and what will you do if your baby doesn't stop crying because it has colic and then you have to be up at 6am because you need money to feed the poor thing.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (17 February 2008):

kenny agony auntI think you have pretty much heard it all from the other aunts, which i must say is good advice. You are way way to young to even be thinking about having sex, let alone having a child. It is such a big commitment having a baby, a commitment you are to young to be thinking about.

k

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A female reader, Fairy_Lu United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

Fairy_Lu agony aunt13 and you have done everything to a guy? Darling its time you stop living in a fantasy world and learn to respect yourself you are way to young to just give yourself away and way way way to young to have a baby.

How will you afford it? What about your education? Who would look after it? What you gonna do when you see all your friends go out and have a goot time while your left at home with a baby, your enitre life will revolve around this baby you wont have anytime for anything you will have wasted your life to raise someone else. You need a serious reality check you really think your able to handle a baby you think your mature enough or have had enough life experience to give yours away? You think this guy is gonna want the same thing? I got news for you your 13 and i know what thats like i know you think you will be with the same guy forever but gues what? The chances are you wont be he is young he wont want to settle down and have his life taken over by a baby.

Come on grow up you have your enitre life to grow up gt married and have a baby why rush into something that will ruin your life?

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A female reader, -NothingLasts4ever- United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

-NothingLasts4ever- agony auntWell, if it's what you really want, just tell him straight. Say I want a baby and see what he has to say about it. Is he the same age as you?? Because if he is he might not want a baby at 13 and he might want to wait until you're both old enough to look after a baby.

Good luck

xXx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

Ok, if you don't want me to tell you are too young I won't. But good luck raising a child while you are in no financial position to provide a child with a fair life, plus have parents that lack maturity levels that a 13 year old just does not have which would reflect on your child's upbringing. I think your desire for a child is quite selfish actually..

You're 13, you have plenty of time to start a family later in life, you don't want to be tied down at the moment with a kid. I'm 18 and while I have a tendency to feel all maternal whenever I see babies, I know that I'm not ready to have kids and will instead hopefully have them later in life when I am. You want to get an education, a job, earn money and develop a mature relationship with someone you know you would be able to raise a child lovingly with.

If you're really impatient though I can only wish you the best of luck for your child and not to mention the struggles you would be bound to face, such as financially and emotionally with all the slack and embaressment you will put up with by giving birth at your age..

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (17 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntTell him in plain simple English .Anything more than that is difficult for his simple mind to understand.

Who is going to support your baby? Who is going to pay for all those expenses and bills?

You want to have a baby just to prove your own reasonings????

If your heart desires the whole world, will you go and take it?

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A female reader, Dawnie United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

Dawnie agony auntI'm sorry but you are way too young. My son will be 13 next month and if he said his g/f wanted a baby i would go nuts. You are still a child, have fun with your friends and socialize, you are at an age where you are going through many changes hormonally, when i was your age maybe a little older i knew i wanted children but it was in the future and something to look forward to. You can look to the future there is nothing wrong in that but you also need to focus on now, get an education, have fun as when babies come along it is a different ball game. There are the nice things to having a baby like the cuddles,taking the baby out in the pram but there is also the hard things like sleep depreviation, when they are poorly,lack of money, feeling that you are missing out (because you would believe me)when your friends are out. I had my first child at 23, i was married and settled, money was not an issue and i loved being a mum, wait until you are in a position to really enjoy your child otherwise it is something you will regret always.

One example i can think of is someone at 16 (same age as me) had a child, has lived off benefits since, has no career as she has never worked, no social life (benefit money doesn't stretch that far) and has done absolutely nothing with her life. You surely would not like to be like her, would you? Think about it.

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A female reader, happytochat Australia +, writes (17 February 2008):

You said you have 'done everything with a guy', but you actually havent. You havent yet had a mature relationship have you? Thats because you are 13. I understand you want a baby but part of being an adult is not always geting what you heart desires or wants. You say you really want one, but what about this baby? How will you look after it? You are only 13, you arent old enough to be a parnet so how would that be fair on your child to give birth just because you 'wanted a baby'?

It wouldnt be fair, so think about that. You say you 'have your reasons' for wnating a baby, well, what are they? Perhaps there is some other way you can satisfy those needs without having a baby. Your reason for wanting a baby probably goes far deeper then you can yet understand, so I think you shoudl talk about this.

Have you told anyone like your mother or father or a trusted adult? I think you should tell a trusted adult because they will help you see that having a child isnt what it seems. I know sometimes it is glamourised on tv, but in reality, which is what you are in, it isnt like that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

Hi Hunny

Dont tell you your to young.. WELL YOUR TO YOUNG!!!!!!!!To be even having sex let alone a child......

I had a friend when I was abit younger and she wanted a baby someone to love her as she felt unloved in life so she thought having a baby would give her all the love she so craved, NOPE! It didnt...It gave her long nights of crying baby that wouldnt stop and her life was never the same again as she couldnt cope and the child suffered and was taken away, 1. personally I think your to young to be having sex and your not thinking properly at all and if you were my daughter Id be more than very upset hunny, I dont think you are going to get the answer you want on this site love as this is just not good at all.

Having a child is not like having a pet, its a life time of responsability and I was 20 when I had my son and it was bloody hard work at that age, So sweetheart with all the love in the world please think this through before you do something you may regret for the rest of your life. You are still a child yourself.

TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXX

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A female reader, Love_is_all_youu_need United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

Love_is_all_youu_need agony auntOmg, you seriously don't want to have a baby at 13! You've got your whole life ahead of you. I don't really know what else to say, but I think telling your boyfriend will be a big mistake he might run a mile when you announce you want his child! You're both so young, and its not even legal to have sex at your age!

I'd love a baby too, but i'm waiting until my twenties! Just think about what you'd be letting yourself in for. Okay? xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

Look, I'm gonna be blunt here, I'm sorry. You're 13. 13. The age where you think (including myself) you know everything about sex. To start with, you probably haven't done everything with a guy. Half of the stuff an adult does will be completely and utterly alien to you. Don't kid yourself honey. I think you're acting as though you're mature enough to have a baby, but instead of thinking about yourself here, think about the baby.

So what you're saying is, you're willing to bring a baby into the world, when you probably don't even have breasts to breast-feed it with? You're willing to bring up a child on your own (yes, on your own) because I know for fact that a guy your age will not want to be tied down for the rest of their life with a child that their girlfriend wanted. What would your parents say?! You're being selfish here, why won't you just think about the poor kid? It wouldn't have a stable family to grow up in - it needs parents, living in a home, together, to share the burden. You can't even earn money yet, so where do you think that you're gonna get the money to support it from? It won't have it's own room, it needs clothes, food, walks, attention, love, constant care. So you're gonna give up your education are you, to look after the child? Damage any chance you have in the future to get a job to support it? Please, don't take this the wrong way, but there's no point in telling him. A lot of kids (yes, you're still a kid) want children, but this is a child bringing up a child. If you tell him, he'll either run a million miles, or give you want you want and go. He won't be able to support you any more than you can support yourself. Look, I'm just trying to protect you here.. It simply can't work, but in a few years, if you still feel the same way, then go for it. However, now, it would just be selfish and mean. But whatever you choose to do... good luck.

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A female reader, soph* United Kingdom +, writes (17 February 2008):

You shouldn't tell him you want a kid.. it will decently scare him off if yiu love him you surely don't want that.. you're right.. you are too young, you had sex at 13, or younger.. without using protection that's bad, yonu could get a STI.. you're pretty stupid to have sex at that age, from now on lads are gonna know you're easy and they will treat you bad but it's your own fault because you let them soo.. do you really want a kid..? It will ruin your life, your friend won't stay with you along the way, they will get bord of being around babies.. you're stupid for wanting one it will ruin your life !

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