A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well basicly last night i accidently stumbled across porn that had been viewed on the computer...I had to know where it had come from so i looked and it was from my fiances acount...hoping i'd made a mistake i checked again and to my horror found hundreds of porn sites in his history...there was even a sex webcam site and one of those sites where you meet people to sleep with...I couldn't believe it - we have to children together and want to get married as soon as we can afford to - the man i thought i knew wouldn't do this...It's made me question everyhing.of course i had to confront him and basicly he's denied everything saying it must be a virus...i've said i dont believe this but he promised that he hasn't been on any sites atall like that...i *want* so much to believe him...cos as i said the man i tought i knew wouldn't do this... i want to be able to trust him - but how do i know if he's lying or not? is there really any other way the sites would be on the history if he hadn't been opn them? please help...i'm questioning everything and don't know what to do
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male
reader, rivi  +, writes (15 June 2010):
Yes he-s not the perfect being you seem to have imagined - but now you have 2 kids with him you have to try and make it work nevertheless.
You need to have a big discussion with him - not argument - about what he gets from the porn he can-t get from you; also maybe ask outright whether he wants to have a few NSA flings with other women on the side to get it out of his system before settling into monogamy with you: I know it sounds drastic but maybe he-s like a lot of the men on this site whose probs and broken down marriages in their 30s and 40s derive from not having had a number of experiences before settling down....... At some point those urges break out.
If you let him have some freedom now to explore his spreading his seed urges it might save the marriage.
I-m thinking of the kids quite honestly.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 June 2010):
 I'm sorry but with that number of sites, they're him. Even if they aren't all him, some/most have to be for that volume to show up. You generally don't get viruses that redirect you to porn unless you got the virus from watching porn. Also they wouldn't show up as that many. Though I do agree with the posters below that the live webcams may be ads unless he was on the actual homepage of the sites. I'm sorry he's lied, but most men will not stop watching porn. You don't have to accept his lying, but if you wish to stay with him you may have to accept his porn.
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A
female
reader, angelpie +, writes (9 June 2010):
since my pornaholic ex husband left i got a new computor and to be honest im astonished at what i didnt realise . what these people say is true . you dont get pop ups without going to the sites first.
i abandoned the net for 2 years thinking it was unsafe for my kids, the truth is that none of it would of been on my computor without him accessing some.
recently i got redirected to "getiton" when i mistyped facebook to facebok and my boyfriend thought i was on a dating site. but because it was only one bar in the history it soon became obvious it was (malware? sorry im not technicaly clued up and using someone elses terminoligy) what you are describing is like what i had on my old computor and my ex was obsessed with porn.
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A
male
reader, Trans Am Man +, writes (9 June 2010):
 I didn't read the whole thing but I can pretty much tell from the tittle. Porn is pretty much what creates viruses not the other way around, and a Virus can't create a dating site, however lots of people get dating site things in their email without ever even being on a dating site. It happens to me all the time. As for the Porn, I don't see the problem all men watch porn and it's not gonna stop. If he is on dating sites there's a good chance that he'll probably never act on it. I mean he'd probably never go to meet any of the girls he talks to. I've signed up on several dating and adult sites and I never do anything on them. I sign up and then I usually never go to them again. You probably have nothing to worry about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): I don't agree with him watching live sex shows, but I fail to see the problem with looking at porn in general. So many women on here complain about it, say that they feel cheated on, etc. I find that mentality irrational and naive. Is it REALLY all that big a deal that he looks at porn on the computer if he is a god dad and a good fiance?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Yep guys are right.. he did look at porn, but not necessarily live shows.. once your on a porn site, lots of other porn links pop up on the computer.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 A virus won't fill the browser history with porn sites: if that's what's there then he's been looking at porn.
However, porn sites often pop-up other windows, including to live-sex webcams. Seeing as he's been looking at porn, it's quite likely he's been shown these ads too. So don't assume he's intentionally looking at webcams.
In other words, the most likely explanation from what you've said here is that he's looking at porn sites, but not at live sex sites, and is too ashamed to admit it to you.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (9 June 2010):
 There is indeed malware that does redirect or open certain sites to generate traffic to them.
There is one gotcha with this, you get these virusses by going to disreputable sites. Like crappy porn sites.
100's? That seems unlikely for a piece of malware. After all a malware creator doesn't do it for the fun of it, he/she wants to be paid. So it only points to site that generate cash for him.
On the other hand, who needs 100's of sites?
Myrrh got a point. If he is redirected to porn by a piece of malware, then so will you.
If you are not, then he is bullshitting you.
Another way to check is how "reputable" the porn sites are. Playboy for instance would never get involved with malware. Most normal sites wouldn't. It hurts them badly after all if a piece of malware infects a kids PC then that is just extra fuel for moralists to legislate against them.
But to be fair. Men on the whole look at porn. Years ago I was a sysadmin at a large ISP and therefor had a good insight in what people viewed (at the office, tracing that of your customers would have been a big no-no. So we didn't... yeah right) and people well men, even watch it at work. A no-porn watching guy? Lets face it. A guy like that would not have kids out of wedlock would he?
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (9 June 2010):
 I am a computer engineer, and the only way he can get viruses through watching porn is if he was downloading it illegally using file-sharing sites.
If not, those sites didn't appear in the address bar without any user interaction!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): Cant understand where there connection between a virus and porn and dating sites? You may get the odd pop up. Porn is a matter of each owns opinion. Sites to meet potential partners is cheating. He's a liar and taking the piss out of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): He is not telling you the truth and is playing you for a complete fool - you are even starting to doubt your own judgement. Well don't. He has been on those sites himself. You will not trust him again - doing that behind your back AND lying about it. The only virus is him - a worm.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 He is trying to B/S you .A virus will only replicate files and cannot go to those sites by itself.
Someone has to type in those links or click on those links.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Yes, next time he will probably cover his tracks better. But that does not mean this will stop. Porn is one thing, live webcam is another in my opinion, and especially sites where you try and find someone for sex. He has gone too far with those. The extend of his behaviour is unknown however, so there is little to actually blame him for. But a virus doesn't do this I think. If so I think you should ask to see this virus in action as proof, no wonder you are suspicious after this.
You could always ask a person who works with computers if it is possible for all these sites to show up if they were from viruses.
And do a virus scan just in case. Keep your eyes on your husband, something isn't right in this picture.
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male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (9 June 2010):
 you might get 2-3 sites added. but not as many as you're talking, so to start with. he's lying. and if it is a virus... Scan the computer with an antivirus and malware and if any files are found make a note of them and then research for yourself.
on a lighter not the sex sites where you "Meat" people... its usually a 500/1 ratio. so i woulnd't worry too much on that
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (9 June 2010):
 It's a thin explanation. The more pertinent question is whether the fact that he's watched porn is important enough for you to question who he is.
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male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (9 June 2010):
 I don't know of any virus that populates site history with porn sites.
The reality of the situation is this: He's been caught looking at porn and he's made an excuse up because he thinks you're gonna be mad with him.
Next time he'll probably just use Private browsing and cover his tracks.
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A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Hello. Google anything ordinary. If porn sites pop up then the pc is infected with a virus. If the pc is running normally and nothing to do with porn appears, then there isnt a virus.
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