A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Oh my god, it hurts SO bad. When I met my bf he told me he was like me and could count his sexual partners on his fingers. That he waited for sex and was really old fashion. Never had a 1 night stand. We slept in the same bed and he didn't even try and get with me. I felt SO respected. I'm a pretty girl and thats never happened with me! Then later I found out he "wasn't counting prostitutes" and that he slept with a few but always protected. Fast forward to us living together and madly in love and the number goes to 20, and he had 3 somes and even KISSED all the prostitutes on the lips. He was the second guy I had unprotected sex with. The other was my ex husband and it was only a few times. He told me I was the first person besides his ex wife. I had unprotected sex with my bf then he "remembered" the pregnant chick he fucked, the ONE night stand he had right before meeting me, and get this HOOKERS!This was after we had been living together 8 months. Its been over a year now and I still think about it a lot. I never wanted to give myself to someone who wasn't on the same page I was. It was really on the top of my list. Now I found out the reason I fell for him wasn't just a lie but the opposite. It literally makes me sick. Prostitues? Kissing? Drunk passing out in brothels missing curfew in korea. Drug abuse. More one night stands he claims he forgot about. I've only had sex in LT relationships :( after knowing people for years. My ex was my quickest at 3 weeks. I loved him so much. I still do. It hurts so bad.Him being involved in the military was hard enough for me. Im such a peaceful person :(He said thats what he did out of a relationship is different but hes faithful in relationships. He could still have hpv that cant be tested for. I could get cancer :(Who has unprotected sex with prostitutes? Marrage and children are on the table. He loves me so much and since he quit drinking besides being jealous and controlling which we are working on hes been really good to me.I get so depressed because of this.
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depressed, drunk, escort, ex-wife, his ex, jealous, kissing, military, my ex, one night stand, prostitute, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, R1  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 My ex was similar, never mentioned any of these things till he'd sucked me in then they gradually came trickling out, the prostitutes, cheating ok ex's, young girls... I thought ok he's changed now he's with me, then a few years down the line I caught him on dating sites. These men don't change, the warning signs are there, get out with your head held high.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): He is not the man you thought you had met. Lying to you, mirroring your past and standards to secure you in a relationship was a shoddy thing to do. I get the impression you are not jealous of his past but concerned by it and concerned about his lies, deception and concealment of it. It is all very well for him to say he was single at the time, which he might or might not have been. But he is missing the point that he deceived you about it all. He simply isn't the man he made himself out to be. Add to that, he might lie and deceive you again when and if it suits his purpose, he didn't warn you about his unprotected exposure to sex workers and he is jealous and controlling.You are settling for someone who doesn't share your core values and tricked you into a relationship. Those facts will never change and it is understandable that you are unhappy with them. You have chosen to stay with him and you are trying to help him overcome his issues with jealousy and his controlling behaviour. But don't lose sight of what you need and want from a relationship. In this guy, you have not met your equal but a flawed individual who didn't measure up to his initial 'sales pitch'. You are experiencing difficulties that he has presented you with. It will be hard for you to deal with these problems AND help him with his jealousy and control issues too. With respect, I think you both need outside help to overcome everything properly. I would suggest professional therapy or counselling before you marry, much less start a family with him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 January 2013):
 Many single and unfortunately some married US soldiers have had sex with prostitutes while stationed in Korea. It's not something totally crazy to hear. Trust me I've been an Army wife for 16 years.
However, here are a couple of the points you brought up:
1. he lied about the number of people he slept with. That IS a big deal I will give you that.
2. He doesn't even "count" the prostitutes? because what? they are not real people? Just holes in a mattress? That is a big deal as well, mostly because of the lack of basic decency towards those women.
However here is the crux. EVERYTHING that happened BEFORE you met him is the PAST. Those are things he can not change. If you only sum him up to a person based of those, you will not be able to have a relationship with him.
Read up on some of the post here on Cupid written by YOS about retrograde Jealousy.
And yes, he could give you HPV - you past BF/Husband would have given that to you too, if they weren't virgins when they slept with you. Though the more partners the greater the chance of this. Doesn't matter if you use protection or not. So if THAT is your biggest fear TALK to your doctor. Get the vaccine, get regular pap smears.
What you don't seem to be seeing is that FOR YOU he is changing. He courted you in an old fashioned way, because he was SERIOUS about you. I'm guess he didn't tell you about his "wild" days in Korea, because he sensed that would be a bit much for you.
You have to figure out if this is something you can or can NOT live with. And act accordingly. It's that simple.
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