A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for going on 19 yrs.. been together for 23 yrs. I had a horrible childhood. An abusive alcoholic father. When I got with my husband I was almost 18. Never had the feelings of "TRUE LOVE" with him.. thinking back.. I feel I started a life with him to escape my earlier life. My husband is an alcoholic as well, but has always been a "happy drunk". He has never been stable. Partly because I believe he has to have adult ADD. Say's had they diagnosed it back then he's sure he would have been. I have been living on a roller coaster our whole time we have been together. Job after job after job... we have 3 children now. Our 2nd child is ALL him. Was diagnosed with ADHD. We have moved more time's then I care to say. No stability for me or my children. I am a stay at home mom. My husband cheated on me when our 1st child was 6 mos old. I chose to forgive and give another chance. Last fall, my husband tells me he has to tell me something. He tells me that he had cheated on me a 2nd time. When my 1st child was 2. So he's been holding this secret for 13 yrs. After telling me about his affair, I told him had he told me this 13 yrs ago I would have left him. And he would not have had 2 other children by me. I became filled with many emotions. Mostly anger. I had been faithful to him our entire marriage. He left to go to his state in which he was raised. His parent's both had major surgery's. While he was away. I began to talk to a friend of mine's brother. He was in the process of getting a divorce. We were already acquaintances from throughout the years. Attending family functions.. such as birthday parties, Thanksgiving's at his parent's. Even Christmas. We are very close to his family. We began to talk regularly about how both our spouses had cheated on us throughout our marriages. He had been faithful throughout his marriage as well. We agreed to go out to dinner... after a few meeting's we became intimate with one another. Every time we would "meet up" it was AMAZING. I have such strong emotions that run through me.. that I have NEVER experienced with anyone. Not even my husband..the butterflies, the heart feeling like it will burst out of my chest, have a hard time just trying to breathe when around him. The chemistry was AMAZING between us. The kisses, he can just make me melt and make my body feel like it's never been before. Feeling so many wonderful emotions that I never knew existed. I love how he has the ability to do this to me. My husband returned home. We have since stopped talking. He has shut me out completely. When I call it goes to VM. No return call. I am so sad now. I feel in my heart it was the "True love" I never had before. I am trying my best to let him go. But it's just so hard to me since I have NEVER felt for anyone what I felt for him. He had told me my husband was a "lucky man" to have me. He wished he had found someone like me. And would say how stupid my husband was to have cheated on someone like me. I have alway's been an upbeat person..with lot's of love to give. He has all the qualities that I ever wanted in a husband. Kind, compassionate, caring, stable, cares about his health, doesn't drink except for an occasional drink. I have since stopped calling him. Trying to go on with my life day to day. I think about him nonstop! I have never really been one to have dreams. But lately I have been having them about him. How can I put him past me if he is now coming to me in my dreams. I am at wits end. I have no clue what to do at this point. I honestly felt as though he could be my soul mate. With the chemistry and passion between us it was incredible. I never had many relationships before my husband to know, live, learn or find out what "TRUE LOVE" was all about. And since my friends brother is gone from my life I am left with a BIG empty hole in my heart. My girlfriend tells me she just doesn't understand why he did it this way.. I sent him emails and texts asking him if we are done.. pls just tell me.. so I can have closure but he has never told me. My gf seem's to think that he was feeling the same as me.. but knowing I am still married. That was probably his way of ending it for now.. she say's who know's maybe after time.. and I do plan on getting a divorce at some time in the future when I feel my kids will be stable enough to do so. I have just toughed it out all these years for my kids sake. She seems to think since he would never say it was "OVER" that there still could be a chance for us.. I need some help.. Any advice?
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affair, alcoholic, cheated on me, christmas, divorce, drunk, friend's brother, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): You sound like a really amazing person I'm sorry you have been through all of this. I think that this guy may not be the guy you thought he was if he has suddenly changed like this. The only way you willnow is in time if he still doesn't contact you then he was no serious but if he does with avalod reason and wants commitment with youthen fair enough.
It sounds like you have missed out Alot in life. If you are unhappy in your marriage you should get A divorce I am 21yrs old and my parents getting divorced was probably the best thing that could have happened they did not have a happy healthy loving relationship and didn't want us to grow up seeing that and thinking it was normal. Honestly I understand you want to consider your children but by not thinking of yourself it is affecting them to as I'm sure they see you are unhappy.
Get a divorce and move on while you still can your children will still see you both and love you the same. Maybe things will work out with that guy or you mAy even meet someone else or you may be happy single for a while. But I definitely think it's time to move on from your marriage And find hAppiness in a new fresh start for you with your children. Good luck.
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