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female
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anonymous
writes: I have known my partner as a friend for 4 years. We became an item on New Years Eve then at the end of January he called it off to go back to his ex. he was back in feb and we gave it another go. We were happy and got engaged in June, then went through a bad patch as I had cold feet, his ex had been texting him again declaring her love. I moved back to my house for 2 weeks, then went back. I found dark hairs in our bed (Im Blonde) I checked his phone and found more text messages, it became obvious that had been having sex. I left. I returned the following night to find them in bed together. I forgave him and went back. He blamed me for pushing him away and getting cold feet and he only wanted a shoulder to cry on. Last week he wanted 2 nights on his own so I went to my flat. When I returned home I checked through his phone bills and found that he has rang her everyday up until the 31st of July (the last date on the bill) and sent at least 15 texts a day to her. he also still has naked photos of her on his phone. He maintains that I am the love of his life but perhaps he doesn't know what one he wants - Should I stay and hang on or walk away?
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 All I can say to accent the rest of the advice already posted is this, he doesn't believe you!!! Why should he? He has slept with this woman in your bed, continuously calls and texts her and you keep forgiving him and taking him back, Why? I won't tell you to leave him but make him feel the pain as you have. Leave him and don't contact or see him, he will come back of course because he has before, expecting you to take him back like you have always done, then you just don't answer the phone and don't respond to texts. He has to really believe that you are gone. If he loves you like he claims than trust me he will fold like a towel on laundry day. Thats when you tell him whats what. He will then believe you because you have shown him that you are for real about this. If he doesn't call or doesn't text, forget him. You are better off alone if thats all the respect he has for you. You're better off buying a dog that actually barks. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 if you want to always be wondering whether or not he is still phoning texting and seeing this other woman then by all means stay with him. It sounds as though this guy wants to have his cake and eat it. There you are the love of his life who he knows would take him back if ever he did cheat again, and then he has this other woman who hes texts and phones non stop and maybe once in a while meets for a quick shag. You cant afford to let this guy walk all over you and treat you like a piece fo dirt, stand up to him for once and make him see sense. Its either you or her, plain and simple. You are worth more than this, dont let him walk all over you because he'll be doing this for this rest of your life. Walk away and see what kinda of life you can have without him, believe me its a big world out there with plenty of guys who will treat you with the respect that you deserve, why waste valuable time on this loser. Show him what hes doing wrong by walkng away and staying away, if he really wants this other woman let him have her, it'll not be long before they get bored of each other and who will he have - nobody. Then he'll realise what he though away with you!
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 Do you love him? ask yourself this question then if you like him tell him you won't allow more moves with his ex and that you'll leave him next time... anyway he doesn't deserve your love and commitment but leaving him would be like surender to his ex, maybe you should leave a nice mesage in her answering machine like helloooo I'm X girlfriend could you please change the sheets next time you sleep with my fiancee dear, I don't like your perfume its so... cheap yeah it's provoking me an allergy? something like that should give her an idea of who she has slept with if she worries of course.... maybe you can tall him that a couple of his friends wouldn't mind to have a go with you and ask him do you think 'should I try dear?'it's just an idea....
love
astrid
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A
female
reader, Astrid +, writes (16 August 2006):
Do you love him? ask yourself this question then if you like him tell him you won't allow more moves with his ex and that you'll leave him next time... anyway he doesn't deserve your love and commitment but leaving him would be like surender to his ex, maybe you should leave a nice mesage in her answering machine like helloooo I'm X girlfriend could you please change the sheets next time you sleep with my fiancee dear, I don't like your perfume its so... cheap yeah it's provoking me an allergy? something like that should give her an idea of who she has slept with if she worries of course.... maybe you can tall him that a couple of his friends wouldn't mind to have a go with you and ask him do you think 'should I try dear?'it's just an idea....
love
astrid
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A
female
reader, talking sense +, writes (16 August 2006):
Hi
What women knows what goes on in a mans head. I know from a relationship that my friend was in that this man doesnt know what he wants. However he does want to have his cake and eat it. The only way you will truely find out how he feels is to leave him and have no contact with him. If he calls you dont answer, leave him a note before you leave explaining why you have gone but dont tell him your leaving face to face. If he then comes after you and is willing to cut all contact with his ex you will know that he is just confused at the moment and its you that he wants. If he goes back to his ex then you can move on with your life. Dont settle for second best it wont make you happt in the future. Its him in the wrong not you. You have every right to know where you stand. If he can cheat now and get away with it he will do the same once your married. Also may i ask did he fall out with his ex or did she fall out with him? I ask this because it could answer why he is behaving the way he is.
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A
male
reader, unclerich +, writes (16 August 2006):
how ever much u love him his heart still belongs to his ex.if he means what he say call his bluff tell him not to contact her make him change his number etc if he cant or wont do that then show him the door u deserve better than that
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 August 2006):
 Walk away. He's not worth the crap he's putting down. You were right on about getting those cold feet! Breathe a sigh of relief that you didn't tie the knot! You deserve much better than this, go get it! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): I would walk away. It sounds like he can't make up his mind and this is really bad for everyone involved. You would be better off finding someone who wants to be with you and doesn't "need a shoulder to cry on" if you are going through a rough time (which is in every relationship). Relationships should be great the first couple of months and by the way you spoke, it sounds like it was the complete opposite. That should tell you something. If he's like this now, then what's in store for the future? Good luck and be strong.
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