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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi everyone - I really don't know if this sort of question fits on this website, but I'm not sure where else to turn that I won't get a biased answer (my mom makes me feel guilty about every decision I make - long story - so I don't want to ask her for help and my husband says its up to me). Here is my problem. My husband and I are schedued to go on our honeymoon in November during the same week as Thanksgiving. (Last Thanksgiving he proposed to me and we also get 2 days of vacation from our companys that week so it seemed the perfect time to go; we were married in February, 2 years from the day that he told me he loved me.) Originally we were going to go to Fiji which was booked a year ago, but now we are scared to fly there because of the recent events in the UK (we're from the States). So we've decided not to fly and booked a room at a place near us for that same week instead. Here is where the problem starts. My grandmother has recently gotten ill and I'm not sure she's going to make it to next Thanksgiving. However, all of our family lives within an hour of each other and we have family get togethers fairly regularly. The last couple of times, though, my grandmother has not felt well enough to even get out of bed. We have 3 family get togethers planned before Thanksgiving, too. I also try to see her at least once every weekend.Would it be selfish to go on our honeymoon and skip this year's Thanksgiving dinner with the family even though we see each other on a regular basis? I keep feeling guilty that it might be my grandmother's last but I don't even know if she'll be well enough to attened. I need to know how many days to book the room because this place gets filled up rather quickly. Right now its booked so we can make it home in time for the holiday, but I really want to extend it for obvious reasons.I really, really want to stay on our honeymoon, but I feel guilty - I feel like I'm being selfish or something. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be thought of as horrible for not seeing my grandmother on what could be her last Thanksgiving, but I want to go on my honeymoon! :( (Sorry this was so long, I'm just upset...)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006): (I'm the one who posted the question, obviously heh)
Thanks so much for responding, Lost. It really means a lot to hear from someone who was in almost the same situation as I am. I've made up my mind and will stay on our honeymoon. I feel so much better now. Thank you again for sharing your experience. :)
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 Anon, something similar happened to me 2 years ago. I had a chance to see my grandmother for a memorial day weekend in Memphis (I live in Dallas). I passed it up for a weekend here and she died a day after memorial day. It tore me up inside for months until I came to the realization that my grandmother loved me and she knows that I love her. I lived my whole life seeing, loving and sharing beautiful moments with my grandmother. I don't feel guilty for missing that weekend and I don't think of myself as being selfish. No matter what anybody says your grandmother knows you love her and you will always have the memories.
You have had family get togethers and will continue to have them. Just because its thanksgiving doesn't mean the time spent is more valuable than any other time you have spent with her. Love is love and caring is caring whether you give it on Thanksgiving or any other day. Besides, you are only going by possiblities and speculation of her passing away. No one man is promised tomorrow. I'm not a christian and I don't know if you are but in the bible it teaches to "leave and cleave". That means to leave your family and begin to establish your own and your established family is your priority. Your husband is your priority and to strengthen your relationship with him is mandatory for a healthy relationship and life.
Go on your honeymoon and enjoy yourself. Your husband and you deserve this trip and your grandmother will be fine. You will see her and get to talk about how the thanksgiving you missed was. Good Luck.
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