A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all... so my boyfriend and I are taking a big trip to California in October and while there we have planned to secretly elope. He hasn't yet proposed lol. But he has been looking at rings (ads appearing on my computer and he also left an email open on it too, silly man!) So my problem is that we haven't been having much sex lately. He is still masturbating (I often clear out the porn on my Internet history) he does it maybe every two days. I got upset yesterday and asked him if he wasn't attracted to me. He says he is just stressed out with work which I know is true and also we are living with his parents. Moving out in a week or two. He SWEARS it's definitely not me and apologised for hurting me. He is very stressed with running his own business and not really earning any money. So I presume that the fact that he is going to propose soon and his affection that he loves me. But is that normal when you aren't in the mood for sex? We have had sex maybe 3/4 times since start of the year. About 4 weeks of that i had early pregnancy complications and a misscarriage and a UTI to top it off. The stress of that gave me a huge outbreak of cold sores which im now recovering from.. so my face is probably a turn off. We were having great sex over christmas though...He just says he's not in the mood for sex and masturbating is just to take an edge off. I just feel insecure and I haven't been pressuring him but it feels like it's a bit much now.
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christmas, in the mood, insecure, money, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 April 2016):
 You are exposing a narcissist. If you were to marry this goof I think you'll be sorry within a year or two
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2016): He's living with parents.Starting a business.Not yet bringing in enough income.All that is enough to put stress on anyone.Pressure on a person can take many forms, but the result can be tense muscles and headches.That's why a good quality head and shoulders massage can do wonders - to encourage him the two of you could go together and both be pampered with the same massage. Yes it will take 30 minutes out of his week, but if he can feel more relaxed afterwards then it should be worth it.If he's also not eating healthy food, not getting enough exercise, not finding outlets to deal with the stress he is under then he's also putting pressure on his future health profile.If he does not feel fit and healthy then he's much more likely to want to avoid having sex.Once the two of you move out of his parents home, that alone will not be the answer since even moving is very stressful.A start might be to spring clean his diet.Pack him a healthy lunch to take to work. Serve him a healthy breakfast and evening meal. Include more salads, fruit and water. Cut out the junk food, the sugar and calorie laden drinks and snacks.As the weather improves suggest a walk together or hire a treadmill for a month and encourage him to use it each evening or before work. Find a local gym and go along together to check it out. If the gym has access to a pool for swimming all the better.Once he starts to feel fitter he is also likely to feel more frisky.
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A
female
reader, LJCX +, writes (8 March 2016):
 I don't think I'd have a very active sex life living with parents so probably that has a lot to do with it. I'm sorry to hear you had a miscarriage and it might have effected him and the way he's feeling. Coping with the loss of a baby, health issues, job stress, living with parents, planning a big trip, moving.....I'm surprised you aren't shattered too.I think that the majority of men masturbate, it's so much different for a woman and I don't think we feel the urge to quite so much. If they start doing it in their teens regularly I don't see how they could stop wanting to even when they have a partner. Personally I think masturbation has nothing to do with how attractive he finds you it's just something that he's always done.I don't know if you feel like me but I find having sex during stressful times a good way to relax and calm me down. I guess it's the opposite with men as a small amount of stress can cause erectile problems. I don't think men can think about too many things all in one go and prefer to just concentrate on sex when it happens, not all the stressful stuff swimming around their heads.Well I'm not a man so I can't profess to know it all when it comes to masturbation! But stressful times in my relationship makes me want sex even more but my partner becomes a bit withdrawn.It's not true that men want sex more than women, some of course do, but when they get to their 30's the libido drops. just when ours increases. So don't think it's you! I'm sure everything will go back to normal when your home and health are all sorted out.
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