| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Please help.It will be 3 years in June I have been with my boyfriend.Yesterday I noticed a few horizontal scratch marks above his stomach. They were not there on Friday when I last saw him but they were there the following Monday. I did not see him last weekend due to work.I worry he cheated on me. And if he did I wonder what kind of sexual positions could leave horizontal scratch marks on a man's body just above his belly button?My boyfriend has a skin condition and said he scratched himself there because he was itchy. But to leave scratch marks line that on himself? He'd have to be scratching pretty hard. And there was no visible irritation in that area.Just seems odd that he had no scratches anywhere and then after the weekend a noticeable scratch suddenly appeared.Another odd thing? His nails are short.Also I have noticed a significant drop in the number of texts he sends me. He used to text me a lot more. And I notice he just suddenly stopped sexting me. We used to sex a lot before. So this for me seems to be a red flag that he is now sexting someone else. Add the new scratch marks and it only adds fuel to the fire.I am not sure what to do. I have lost sleep over this. I cannot continue without peace of mind. I cannot lose my sanity over a man who is supposed to make me feel safe.I told him I cannot be with him if I am not the only one. He insisted I am the only one.But is this not evidence to the contrary?I am having trouble deciding if this is enough evidence for me to walk away for good.I could use some help in making this decision.Thank you.
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (9 March 2016):
 Trust ,trust, trust- Let me tell you a little thing about trust. I trusted my ex partner of 13 years wholly and solely. Why, because he was my partner, lover,best friend, comrade in good times and bad and father of my child. That was until I found out, by accident ,that he had had 1 affair which then uncovered another 2. Trust is so very important, I am not discounting that, however so is being smart enough to realise that things like this don't just happen to other people and basically if in doubt-check it out. It would make sense that horizontal scratches were a result of scratching himself. I mean try it for yourself and txting each other does sometimes become less frequent over time for some. So, at the end of the day you have to decide if his explanation is reasonable, give him the benefit of the doubt. At this stage I would, yet just be a bit alert to things.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 March 2016):
 And just to add, he’s not ever going to be able to make you feel safe, because he’s married to someone else. That’s not his job.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 March 2016):
Hi OP, I remember you, I’m sure you remember some of my previous posts on your questions.
I guess he didn’t move in with you, as you’d reported in a previous post? He’s still living with his wife, I think.
Sigh.
You seem to rely a great deal on the texts and sexts as a sign that he’s continued to be interested in your relationship. It could just be that his wife knows he’s involved elsewhere and has put her foot down so he can’t sneak off and text and sext like he used to do. Of course, he can’t tell you that either as you’ll take it as a challenge and he’s in a lose-lose scenario.
As I recall, he’s a dance instructor? Or a personal trainer of some type. So assuming he’s spent the weekend at home with his wife or he was working.
Hm.
Scratches above the belly. Could be an encounter with a shrub if he’s started spring clean up. Could be a dance client who is extremely clumsy.
You’ve talked in previous posts about his agreeing to have you track him via his cell phone.
Your concern that he’s cheating on you has been growing ever since you started up a relationship.
I think the fundamental truth of your relationship is that he is married and thus, a cheater from the get-go.
I know, the sex is amazing, the connection is great and when it’s good, it’s very good. But the time apart and your fear that his interest in keeping you happy is dwindling.
I don’t think you need evidence to walk away for good. I think you need to realize that what you have wasn’t sustainable, it never was going to last. It was hot and intense and all those sexy superlatives but this isn’t a life-long relationship.
Why do I say that?
Because your level of unease is now making you physically ill. You can’t sleep is just one of the symptoms you’ve been showing.
I think you don’t need evidence. I think you just need to walk away for your own sanity.
And so you can meet a man who can be with you for real, and just for stolen hours.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 March 2016):
 If it was my man who had scratch marks on him, I wouldn't question him, and why I wouldn't is because I trust him. Something that is clearly missing from your relationship. Look I don't believe these doubts have come just from some marks on his stomach. My guess is you do not trust him, am not sure what your reasons are, but if you cannot trust him, well then my honest opinion would be to leave him.
Has he honestly gave you enough reason to think he would be unfaithful or could it be that you have trust issues because you have low confidence? Or maybe because you have been cheated on in the past?
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A
female
reader, Stephanie Davis  +, writes (8 March 2016):
Hi,
I can understand your concerns with this but I don't think that you have enough evidence to be sure that he is cheating on you. Has he been busy at work lately? If he has then that might explain why he is sexting less. Usually when couples have been together a long time then its normal to text less.
I haven't got much information to work with here so my answer is purely based on what you have shared. It is possible to have marks on your body from stratching.
I would think that you need more evidence to know if he is definetly cheating. Does he hide his phone? You asked him about it which was good and he said your the only one for him so I would trust that unless there is more unusual patterns occuring. You have to be able to talk to eachother.. Good luck
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