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My ex keeps asking me about other guys that I meet! It’s confusing!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 March 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Really need help please!! my ex boyfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. he first said the reason why was because he didn't love me anymore, but then he gave other reasons saying he wasn't ready, he was also telling his family different reason for it. Anyway he said that he still wanted to be friends so we have been talking ever since. He is so very confusing tho whenever I mention anything about other guys he will ask so many questions like if I like them, if they like me and ask to see photos of them. Whenever he sees posts of me with other guys he will always keep asking who I like and if they like me and then will call them idiots even though he doesn't know them. it's really strange so I finally told him that he was the one I liked and he said 'oh I'm flattered' I really don't know what to do any help!?! as the last time he said how he felt was 2 weeks after the break up he said that he didn't want another chance. what should I do??

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia + , writes (9 March 2016):

Ivyblue agony auntObviously you cant be friends with this dude when it causes you so much confusion. So why not try and un complicate things for yourself. That would mean not entertaining his questions as to whom,where , why and what you are doing. The more you indulge him just allows for him to fill your head with shit. Sounds like the classic "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you either". You have the power to shut this down if that's what you really want.

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (8 March 2016):

Garbo agony auntStop talking to your Ex. Everything that he had to say he already did on the day he broke off with you. There is a reason why he is your Ex, and it's because the relationship broke down so there is no use for you to string yourself along him.

Second, it is none of his business who the guys are you are with. He is nothing to you therefore you owe him no explanation.

All of the above can be solved by simply you going no contact with him. No texts, no email, no calls... No nothing. If something is over then be sure you keep it that way and don't allow yourself to be stung along by a person who does not want you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI think you need to STOP talking to your ex about other guys. While you two may "pretend" to be friends.... you really aren't. You still have feelings for each other even if you both know you aren't getting back together. Or you SIMPLY need to take a break from this "friendship" and cut him off for a while. Till you are BOTH 100% over each other.

I think HE wants to know details because he doesn't want to dating anyone else. He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want ANY other guy to have you either. Which is petty of him.

Let's say you DO meet a nice guy whom you would like to date. How do you think this new guy will feel with you keeping the ex around as a "friend"?

There is a reason you two broke up.You might might also keep you around as a "friend" because while he doesn't want to date you, he doesn't want to be alone. YOU feed his ego. CONSTANTLY. YOU do NOT need his approval for whom you want to date.

So since you know that your EX don't WANT to date you, isn't it time for you to let go? And move on?

This "friendship" is not helping with that. It's holding YOU back, and he knows it.

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A female reader, LJCX United Kingdom +, writes (8 March 2016):

LJCX agony auntYou need to stop talking to him or you will never move on. He breaks up with you but still has an effect on you trying to find somebody else. He can't pry into your personal life at arms length when he knows you would like to see him. It probably makes him feel better when you say nice things to flatter him.

Even when you are the one to end things with a partner it doesn't mean that you don't get pangs of jealousy when they find somebody else. It doesn't make sense if you no longer want to be with them but it does make you feel a little curious or jealous.

I don't think being a friend with an ex is a good idea, you had a relationship with him that wasn't platonic, he's not just a friend or acquaintance he was much more. It's ok to be friends after you have fully moved on, when you don't get the urge to spill your feelings that you want him back. It'll just end with you feeling bad about yourself constantly giving him things to make him feel better and getting nothing back.

Be polite but don't engage in long conversation. It's up to you who you want to talk to, it's none of his business.

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