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He has kept in touch, but I thought he only wanted sex.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes, Friends, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 October 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 14 October 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi there!

So i went on a date a few months ago with a lovely giy who i knew from primary school who just happens to now have his own tv series. We went out for a drink, had a lovely time. Then the next week he drove 3 hours to see his father (who coincidently lives next to me) who he hadnt seen in 6 months and we had another lovely date. At the end of the date he was reafy to drop me off at home, but i wanted to kiss him so we sat in the car for several hours kissing. I was going away for a few months, as was he the following week, so we promised we woukd 'finish' aka slewp together when we were both back in england. Now this guy has a LOT of female attention. I think he could quite possibly have any female he wanted. I have been overseas for 4 months, so as he. But he has messages every couple of weeks, sent photos. He messaged today saying 'when are you back?' . I am so surprised that he has stayed in touch for all this time. I guess what i want to know is, do you thibk there is a chance he likes me for more than just sex? I mean he could have almost any girl he wanted to sleep with. Why would he still maintain contact, just for a chance to sleep with another girl? Thankyou :)

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (14 October 2017):

N91 agony auntYou make it sound like it's a lot of effort to send s few messages to someone to keep yourself in their thoughts.

Who knows? Maybe he does genuinely like you? But on the other hand it's just as easy he wants an easy lay and to a womaniser it's such a minuscule effort to keep up contact to get into bed with someone.

What you want to keep your eye on is his actions when you're together. That's a much bigger tell than what he says.

More importantly, what do YOU want out of this? If it's something serious then do you think you can deal with the perception you have of him or the time away from each other? If it's something casual then go for it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 October 2017):

Honeypie agony auntIt's not like sending a text every couple of weeks is an indicator of anything.

He might be one of those people who are GOOD at keeping in touch with people he likes to keep around. Someone to chat to here and there, a familiar face.

It might also be that he likes you and enjoy spending time with you. WHO knows? Only time will tell.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (13 October 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntIt sounds to me like he just wants something casual, if he was more serious surely he would make more off an effort than texting every couple off weeks? Also if after two dates use are making promises to have sex then it sounds to me like a hook up, if you wanted something more serious then you should not talk sex after two dates.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (13 October 2017):

CindyCares agony auntYes, he would stay in touch just for the chance to sleep with another girl. It's not that shooting a short text every couple of weeks requires much time, effort and concentration.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 October 2017):

Sounds like he's just staying in-touch. You live near his dad; and you did spend some time together.

Being an actor and away a lot, he wants to maintain some connection to his family and hometown. You're the girl back-home; which keeps him a little grounded. It doesn't necessarily mean he has deep feelings for you. A call has more meaning than a message. So keep that in-mind, before you start attaching your feelings.

As for sleeping together; I'd hold-off on that if I were you. You're already confused about how he feels about you; and it is evident you're getting attached. Sex will make it very complicated; and I don't think you'll get the outcome you're hoping for.

Keep it casual. Don't get too attached. He's an actor, and he is exposed to fans and groupies. He will be set-up with women to promote his popularity, and for the publicity. Let him adjust to his popularity and all that attention. If he wants to date you proper and treat you like he actually respects you. Then slowly allow the romantic-connection to take place. Don't get star-struck.

I don't want to burst your bubble, but I find this situation riskier than most. He's an actor. They live in such a superficial and artificial culture. You're a down-home girl. I don't know if you're ready for that. If you're impressed with his looks and career; don't get caught-up in infatuation.

Don't idolize him and confuse it with romantic-feelings. In his line of work, that's very easy for women to do.

Maybe he only wants to redeem that sex-coupon that you promised. Just be careful with your feelings.

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A male reader, VitaminZ United States +, writes (13 October 2017):

It takes seconds to send a text message. A text message every couple weeks does not sound like he's crazy about you. Are you exclusive? Do you know if he's dating and texting other girls? My gut tells me he's just doing the bare minimum to keep you interested so he can sleep with you.

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