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It was going great and now she has stopped responding ... I guess its over!

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Friends, Social Media, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 October 2017) 9 Answers - (Newest, 1 November 2017)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hello everyone! A few months ago I started exchanging Facebook messages with a girl I knew in high school about ten years ago. I'm 30 and she's 29.

Things went really well and she agreed to meet up as soon as we could (she was moving back to her hometown where I was).

We met for dinner, had good conversation, and then we made plans for next week. She then sent a message that same night saying we should've taken a picture together so I said "next time!"

She was a little distant that week, and cancelled plans to see a movie. During this time I saw a tweet from her from a week ago that said "when you eat more than your boyfriend." She never mentioned said boyfriend when we went out, so I figured if she still was seeing someone she'd bring him up at some point if we went out again.

I let the week go by and then asked her out for sushi and she agreed. We went out for drinks afterwards and even held hands for a good part of the night. Again, not one mention of any boyfriend. I suggested we take the picture and she gladly agreed and she took a selfie. She wrote back to me that night saying she had a great time with me, and I said I did as well.

The following day I sent her a picture of an old school project we had talked about during our date and she laughed and sent over the pictures that we took that night. I wrote "We look great!:)" And she... didn't reply.

A day later I asked if she'd like to go to six flags horror nights (she's very into horror movies) and she has so far ignored my message. She's been online in whatsapp several times, but hasn't clicked on my message (no double blue checkmark). I called her a day after that and no answer either.

So I'm at a loss now. I guess it's over? Should I re initiate contact a week from now? Just wait for her to say something? It's just really affecting me, for the first time in a long time I felt I had a real connection with someone, we have similar backgrounds and enjoy plenty of the same things, but have different creative outlets and passions which yields really great conversations. We had been texting almost every day since she got here and had been writing to one another over facebook for about 2 months.

Part of me wants to think "oh maybe she didn't get that message, maybe it was buried in all her contacts" but I mean a missed phone call is something your phone makes sure you see.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you so much for your time.

View related questions: facebook, text

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 November 2017):

Honeypie agony auntEh, OP it's ONE girl.

You will meet more and probably have great luck sooner or later. Don't let one "rotten" apple spoil the barrel.

Chin up!

And thanks for the update!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

You were all in the right. She did see the message, and she did have a boyfriend, and she was just being incredibly deceitful.

She messages me today sine it's Halloween and casually says "Oh I've been busy helping my bf study" and I ask her

"You have a boyfriend? I had no idea"

she replies "yup 1 yr. hmmm thought you did for some reason"

I say "nope. I wouldn't have asked you out otherwise" And then out of nowhere I finally see her whatsapp profile pic (which had been blank) suddenly change to her and her boyfriend. So I then add "I just saw your profile pic appear"

To all of this she replies "yup that was not clear for me"

Not clear for you!? I bought you dinner and drinks TWICE, I held your hand, and you NEVER mentioned your boyfriend during any of this. How was I not being clear? what I want to write. But I don't know. I don't want to come off as petty. But I am incredibly frustrated and angry and did want to write that somewhere haha.

In any case, thanks for your advice. I hope you're all doing much better than I am in your lovelife.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (13 October 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntWhat I don't understand is if you saw a post that suggested she had a boyfriend, why not ask her if she was single? Am guessing you wanted to pretend she was single. Honestly it could be she just wanted to catch up with an old friend, and now she realizes that you might be interested in more she is just ignoring you. It sounds like she is not interested the best thing for you to do is stop contacting her and move on. I do think she went around everything the wrong way and should have been honest with you, but I also feel you should have asked her was she single after seeing that post.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (13 October 2017):

chigirl agony auntI agree with Honeypie. She got the message, and so did her boyfriend. Yes, there probably is a boyfriend. Don't make the mistake of thinking all women are innocent and only live to dote on their boyfriends. There are a good bunch of female players too, who just love the attention and the excitement and who, like the sailor, wants to have a lover in every port. She just moved. Maybe had a spat with the boyfriend. Wanted to make him jealous by taking a picture of the two of you. Got some attention. And kept you on stand by in case her current boyfriend decided to ditch her. That's my guess.

If a girl is interested, she will let you know she is interested. This one is ambiguous and is currently ignoring you. I say drop her. Whatever connection you felt was fake, she was just pretending to be someone she's not. Good riddance!

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (13 October 2017):

N91 agony auntShe's seen the messages, why would she all of s sudden stop receiving them?

There's more to her than meets the eye, sounds like bad news and she's probably got her finger in a few pies.

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A female reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 United States + , writes (12 October 2017):

Do not initiate again. I would leave it as this kind of behavior is not worth your time. If she was interested, you would know.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (12 October 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntYou have tried to contact her but she has ignored your attempts. It's always difficult when someone does that as it leaves everything up in the air, with the other party not knowing what is happening or why. If she was a nicer person, she would have contacted you to let you know why she didn't want to take things further. She has chosen to blank you. That's rude and hurtful.

Sometimes we just have to say "so be it" and move on.


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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2017):

If I were you I would send her a message asking if she is ok,worried something bad has happened to her. Maybe she has had an accident etc etc.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 October 2017):

Honeypie agony auntOh, she got the messages.

And maybe that BF of hers saw it too. So the whole:"Oh he is just an old school friend" doesn't work as well as an excuse when said "friend" posts... "We look great!:)"

Honestly, if I were you I'd stop trying with this one. She has been ambiguous at best and deceitful at the worst (if she DOES have a BF).

If someone ignores messages AND a phone call it's their way of cowardly saying, I am NOT interested. Which means you NEED to stop trying to get her to talk to you.

Would it be easier if she had JUST texted or told you, I have a BF so I'm not looking for anything but a friend or I'm not interested in you? Yes, but that is not the actions she chose.

If you are looking for a girl to date, look elsewhere.

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