A
female
age
,
*hinkingirl
writes:My boyfriend's ex wife has said she still loves him and doesn't want a divorce.We have been together for 18 months and are very much in love but now he said he 'doesn't know what to do.' He was married for 30 years and still feels guilty about his children who are all adults. We met when he had parted from his wife so I feel very very upset.What should I do?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 June 2012):
 "Sorry to hear that. Well, as you don't know what to do, I will give you time to decide. I am not comfortable with living in limbo, so I am going to go on a break from you, while you sort out what you want to do. If you do decide to divorce and proceed with that, you know where to reach me. If you go back to your wife, I wish you well, and good luck on fixing the marriage.
"In the meantime, I am putting myself back on the market and I will be dating other men, who are single and available."
Then do it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 June 2012):
 That is what can happen what dating a married man. When push comes to shove, they (the married ones) usually pick their family and the memories, history and shared love over a "lover".
All of a sudden they realize what they are about to lose.. THEIR family.
Sorry, honey he is NOT going to leave to try and divorce her.
Stop wasting your time on a married guy. He may have "left" her but he never really "left" her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2012): What would YOU like to do about your boyfriends response? If you were not involved in their marriage breaking down, you met him afterwards and were of the opinion that their marriage was completely over. Than I do feel for you because it sounds as if you might be in a rebound relationship. You dont mention how long they have lived apart or why the marriage broke down but if he feels guilty then there will be a good reason for that!
If I were you, I would leave him and let him decide what he wants to do, either go home or end his marriage properly. Until he does one or the other, he is not in a fit state to be dating anyone x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2012): "My boyfriend's ex wife has said she still loves him and doesn't want a divorce."
If boyfriend's not divorced, then he doesn't have an ex-wife, he has a wife. If he's telling you she still loves him, then he's telling you he doesn't love you enough to choose you over her while giving himself an ironclad excuse for why he hasn't divorced her.
"He was married for 30 years . . . "
If boyfriend hasn't divorced his wife, then he's still married to her.
"What should I do?"
Smarten up and realize he's been stringing you along for eighteen months and he's never going to divorce his wife, and respond accordingly by dumping him.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (25 June 2012):
 Well, technically she's not an ex wife until they are legally divorced. As long as they are still married, she is very much his wife, with all the legal benefits that go along with that.....even if they are no longer loving in the same household. It is surprising to me that they have been separated for a year and a half, and have not filed for divorce yet.
She says she still loves him, but does he still love her? There was a reason they separated in the first place. I also don't understand why he would feel guilty about his children, if they are all grown, and no longer dependent upon him and his wife. It seems to me that he still has some very strong feelings for her and isn't ready to cut ties.
There really isn't anything you can do, this is something he has to resolve for himself. You need to distance yourself from him and the situation and give him time and space to decide what it is he really wants. What you definitely SHOULD NOT do, is allow him to run back and forth between you and his wife, while he is trying to make a decision, and if he does go back to her, do not step into the role of mistress. At that point you need to make a clean break and move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2012): I think the first thing you need to do is to stop calling her his Ex wife: she is definately his wife. And she has been for the past 30 years.
Do not pressurise him.
Do not speak bad of her.
Do not compete with her. I'm sure you are killing him with the good sex making certain he cannot do without you. But there is more to life than just sex. Yes after 30 years things get boring, in fact very boring but its a lifetime bond. Issues do crop up and sometimes we make mistakes thinking that a seperation/divorce is the answer. Enter a 3rd party to further complicate things.
All is not lost however. You are still in the early honeymoon stages of this relationship. Its new. Its fresh. Its exciting. But you rather find out now instead of another months 18 months . You need to realise that a marriage is not over until there is a signature on that dotted line. Then only will it be final. Its sad that this man was stringing you along for 18 months. Don't just blame his wife for any mess. He is at fault as well. The reason he has guilt is because he knows he is doing wrong. Do you really want to be with a man who bails after so many years.
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