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He doesn't even try anymore. How to put the sparkle back into our relationship?

Tagged as: Faded love, Family, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 May 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 11 May 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have 2 kids with the guy i've been with for 3 years .

He slept for half of mothers day, we got some icecream when i demanded it but he also got to wash his car while i ate the icecream in the car.

I complimented him the whole day without hearing one compliment back.

For our anniversary he gave me flowers.

For my birthday he got me tacos.

He doesnt even try anymore and i love him: what do i do? This really tears me up.

View related questions: anniversary, flowers, spark

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 May 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI'm with Eyeswideopen!

You can't FIX a broken relationship ALL by yourself. I get that if he is as young as you (18-21) having 2 kids is a HUGE responsibility, BUT is it not JUST as big (if not bigger) for YOU as the mother? And could he NOT have used condoms 100% of the time if he didn't feel mature or responsible enough for kids?

Yes, he might be resentful that he is now "stuck" as a father of two, but blaming you is NOT fair either. You didn't FORCE him to impregnate you. The whole blame-game is moot in this case.

YOU need to talk to him, maybe after the kiddos are off to bed. TALK and LISTEN.

If you two can't find a way to make it work, then it might be time to LET him go. I can't see why EITHER of you should stay and be miserable "for the kids sake" because KIDS do NOT benefit from two miserable parents.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (11 May 2015):

eyeswideopen agony auntFor Father's Day get yourself something really nice.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (11 May 2015):

BrownWolf agony aunt

If you keep doing all the nice things and reward him with sex, there is your problem. If he wants sex, then he has to work for it. Show you respect, affection, love, attention, and everything you cannot buy in a store.

You do not reward bad behaviour.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2015):

"what do i do?"

No much you can do. At the least the two of you are incompatible regarding gifts, compliments and affection, and at the worst he's angry and resentful about being tied down at such a young age.

In any event it would appear you had kids too soon with the wrong guy, and while you're stuck with him as a baby daddy that doesn't mean you can't move on from him as a boyfriend.

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A male reader, Over 50 advice United States +, writes (11 May 2015):

Over 50 advice agony auntYou already know what kind of guy you want and this doesn't sound like it, didn't mention what you loved about him, he doesn't give you the time of day and I would say his time is up. Your young move to someone that makes you feel special

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2015):

If he's between 18-21 like you are, that's a lot of kids for people your age.

He feels trapped and he's not happy. So what do you expect when he's a father before he's even 25! How much money can he be earning? Does he have a degree, a good job? He's under obligation to support his kids. Not necessarily to be happy with being with you.

Guys who appreciate being where they are show it.

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