A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:He's twelve years older than me, I'm 18. When we started dating we were both concerned about other peoples reactions due to the age and so because he was moving away at the end of last month we decided to try stay secret given nothing long term could really happen. It was a case of a friendship developing into more (I always was attracted to him). He ended it a month before he moved away to give us time to adjust the relationship back to just friends, which has been harder than I thought. He became my support person and I miss every aspect of him being around. It's hard enough to no longer be able to be intimate with him but not even being able to see him in person sucks. We have a really strong friendship and hes and amazing person so I dont want to lose him but I find myself wanting to be angry at him for no reason just so I dont have to deal with wanting to still be with him, I know thats immature but I dont know how else to get over him. He said things like maybe in a few years when your older we can try it properly etc but having that in the back of my mind makes it even more difficult and I wish he'd never made comments about that because I know its not likely to happen. And then of course he contacts me almost everyday which makes just forgetting harder stillHow do I get over him? Im really struggling to do anything other than think about him
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 January 2014):
 A secret relationship is never a healthy relationship.
And while a 12 year age gap is workable not if the younger partner is under 25 IMO.... It's much harder to make it work with someone who is still maturing and growing mentally. And at 18 you are.. No matter how mature you feel, you are no where near done becoming the adult you will finally be.
I agree that you need to go NO CONTACT totally to heal and get over him. He will fight you tooth and nail on this so you have your options
1. if he wants to be with you, it's all or nothing
2. NO secrets... totally out in the open...
since neither of this work for him, do not let him bully you into giving him any access.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 January 2014):
 Any relationship that is kept secret from family and friends is suspect. He is suspect, he is keeping you dangling with his maybe when you are older BS. Just what is that all about? It is not as if you are underage or anything, at 18 you are old enough to vote, to drink, to purchase cigarettes, to marry, so where is he coming from with that carrot he is dangling.
Getting angry in this situation would NOT be a sign of immaturity, I think you should be as mad as heck!
Block him, block his phone number, block him on all social networking sites, block him from ever contacting you again, I don't know what his game is but it is certainly weighted heavily towards his benefit and not yours.
The best way to deal with it is to just refuse point blank to have anything to do with him, and please note! he does not deserve an explanation or anything from you from this moment onwards.
Cold turkey for you, get on with your life, with no looking back, he doesn't deserve it!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 January 2014):
 You need to get over him by cutting contact. Breaking up is breaking up. How can you move on when he's still in your life daily? How can you find another guy only to tell him that you're in daily contact with your ex?
There's also another issue here - why keep the relationship a secret? A secret from who? His wife? His girlfriend? You're on the fast track to becoming a mistress, do you know that? I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't already have someone else.
He's 30 and you're 18. Time to focus on your future, because you only have this time in your life once. Blow it on being obsessed and depressed, and you could screw your life up big time. If you're in college, put your energy into your studies. If you're starting a career, then be the best you can be at it. But disconnect from this guy emotionally once and for all, and stop being his ego boost. He chose to move away when he didn't have to. I think he's married or involved if he wanted to keep things a secret, because many guys who are older love to flaunt a younger girlfriend.
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