A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went out on an unexpected night out with a work friend on Friday. We thought we'd just get a bite to eat and a few drinks after work but we ended up having one too many and never got home until 2:30am. We had dinner and went to a few bars. In the last bar we went to we got chatting to a group of guys. They were a lot older than myself and my workfriend so there was absolutely no interest there on my part. One of the guys though was very good looking for his age. I can get a bit flirty when I'm drunk so the more alcohol that was consumed the more me and my friend decided to tell this guy how good he looked for his age. Like I said I can be flirty when I get drunk but my intentions were nothing (and never are) other than having a good time and a laugh. I have a boyfriend and made this no secret, I talked about him, how lucky I was, what he did and that we live together. This seemed to be forgotten as the night went on and when I started talking about my boyfriend again the guy looked at me disgusted and told me 'I shouldn't be chatting him when I'm married'. I wasn't trying to chat him up in the slightest.For some reason, I'm not sure why, but earlier in the night he decided to tell me that I wasn't as attractive as my work friend. I'm not going to lie I was a bit offended and did them start to get defensive. I'm not sure if he thought I liked him, personally didn't care that it was him that said it, i would have been offended no matter who said it. And it's not that I think that I am more attractive, I'm not, I'm just always the ugly friend and it brought back a few bad memories. Anyway I then tried to make my offence to this into a joke- telling my friend to go away every time she spoke to me. She took it as a joke at first but there's only so many time you can do it before it starts to get old. I have a habit of keeping things going and I feel so embarrassed about the way I acted: especially since it was my first to properly going out with this friend. I apologised on the night and told her i wasn't being serious and I hope she didn't think I was upset. She said not to worry about it and that she had a fun night. But I really don't want to go into work tomorrow now incase she's told people how stupid I was acting. Not only that but I now feel terrible because after him telling me I should t be 'chatting people up' I feel I've completely disrespected my boyfriend when I would never dream of doing that intentionally, ever. My intentions genuinely were just to have a bit of a laugh. I've been feeling awful about it all weekend and don't know how to make myself feel better? I just want to curl up in a hole and not se le anyone.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2016):
 So how did things go with your friend then at work? Did you speak about it and do you feel better now?
You need to remember drink is a depressant and if you felt you where out off line, after drinking everything seems a lot worse. You didn't do a huge lot wrong. If you apologized to your friend then that is all that matters. We all get drunk. Just remember your limit and stick to it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2016): Yes, you have disrespected your boyfriend. I would be more concerned about that than about getting insults or compliments from the guy you were flirting with. This experience should just teach you to value the ones who appreciate and respect you (your boyfriend) and do the same in return.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2016): Not sure how I reply to individual questions so here's a big one; thank you all for your replies.
I personally didn't think I was chatting him up but I'm so embarrassed about my behaviour towards my friend that I started to doubt myself a lot!
In terms of growing up I do agree. I have told myself a couple of times that I need to learn when to stop. I have been far worse than what I was and been fine so I'm still learning where my limit is.
I'm generally a nice person (so I like to think) so I hate when I've acted in a way that's not me, I like to joke and me and my friend have that kind of relationship where we aRe always joking with each other but I think I definitely took it too far joke or not and I do genuinely feel awful for it. Everything was fine up until that point so that is what definitely triggered me, why I'm not sure. My drink was in my hand the whole time so there wouldn't have been much chance of it getting spiked but I see what you're saying.
I'm almost hoping she'll bring it up tomorrow so I can soberly apologise for my behaviour- I'll definitely try the coffee thing.. I just don't want me acting like an idiot to stop any future plans being made because we do get on so well. I don't want her to think this is what I'm always like with a drink in me.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 December 2016):
 Look, you weren't chatting him up, he was just old and was flattered and then didn't realize himself the difference between friendly and flirting. He misread the situation and when you started to talk about your boyfriend he felt rejected. And when stupid and immature men feel rejected (doesn't matter his age he can still be immature) they sulk and respond with lashing out and trying to hurt the woman who rejected him. Even though you never made a move on him to begin with, he probably got his hopes up or read things the wrong way. Some men just hear what they want to hear and see what they want to see. Rather than shut up and realize he was in the wrong and not say anything about it, he decided to show what an idiot he is and blame you for making him feel dumb and then telling you you are not as pretty as your friend etc. All things said to make himself look better and feel better about not being able to take you home with him.
Really, that's ALL there is to it. Don't let what this stupid old guy said get to you, it was just venom he threw out at you because he wanted to make you feel like crap. Don't let him succeed. You didn't disrespect your boyfriend, you didn't chat him up, you aren't ugly and your friend is not better looking. But you are not full of confidence, which is why you question yourself and your actions now.
Now look, take pride in yourself. You are amazing just the way you are, you did nothing wrong, and everyone can misread things and signals when drunk. So this guy happened to be an idiot, but you weren't. If your friend got upset by you shooing her away all the time, invite her out on a sober coffee to make up for it.
Admitting to your friend that you made a mistake makes you look responsible and sincere, not stupid. I think this all looks worse in your imagination than it does in real life.
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female
reader, Nittynora +, writes (18 December 2016):
 Honestly I think you are being far too hard on yourself. I think this chap changed his tine and told you that yu should not be chatting people up because he knew he wasn't going to get you into bed. At least you told him about your boyfriend you would have been disrespectful to your boyfriend if you had told this chap you were single. I used to have a friend like that who was the more attractive and I never stood a chance with blokes if she was around.It was just the booze talking and we have all done it got drunk and think we have embarrassed ourselves. You did not sleep with this chap so don't worry. You did not kiss him, just be careful in future not to drink too much. We have all done it. Just forget in and put it behind you x
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (18 December 2016):
 I really don't want you to take this badly, but you need to "grow up". You disrespected your *friend* more than your boyfriend. Telling her to go away was rude and she could have considered leaving you there!
Don't get drunk if you can't handle yourself with dignity. You need to be able to have fun without drinking too much, as it also makes you vulnerable.
Chalk this up as a lesson learned to drink less and apologise to your friend again at work. It's unlikely she'll tell anyone.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (18 December 2016):
 Lesson for the future: limit your alcohol intake. You were lucky that nothing worse than this happened. You could have had your drinks spiked by the group of men you were talking to and ended up being taken advantage of in more ways than one.
Sounds like you were way out of line with everyone, but it is your friend to whom you owe an apology. I would start this with a promise not to drink so much in future and an acknowledgement that you acted like a total arse.
Hopefully your friend won't have mentioned your horrendous behaviour to anyone at work but, if she has, it might to best to hold your hands up to what you did and say it has made you realize you really need to cut down on your drinking.
We all do shit we regret when we have consumed too much alcohol. Learn your lesson and behave better in future.
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