A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am i being selfish going on holiday without my boyfriend?I'm going to London for three days next week with my mum. My boyfriend doesn't even know yet!When my boyfriend gets paid, he goes to see his friends for about three days. Sometimes less, sometimes a bit more (it hasn't been more than four days). I dont think it is selfish, as he does his own thing for a few days sometimes, and I don't get to see my mum very often. I'm going to see an exhibiiton, and i dont think my boyfriend would enjoy that, but my mum would. My boyfriend and I could have done other things there though. Should I tell my boyfriend the truth about where I am going, or should I lie and say something else? I don't think he will be happy if he knows the truth. If I was going somewhere more local, he might not mind, but London isn't anywhere near where I live. When he sees his friends, it's more local. He has never been on holiday without me. We have never been on holiday together though. I'm scared of telling him the truth. He will be at home on his own a lot next week, and I think he will be depressed. He does get depressed sometimes.
View related questions:
depressed, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): Speaking from experience, if you are concerned about his reactiib to your telling him you are planning to spend time with your mum, this is a real warning sign for the relationship. Do you feel anxious when you think of it? Do you feel you need to justify yourself? Do you worry he will 'not let you go' or guilt trip you into staying with him instead? If so, all the more reason to go. Please share your feelings about the relationship with your mum when you see her. If you haven't seen her for a while, I'm betting it's because you're spending all your time with him.But you don't do anything with him. You're just stagnating with him. He doesn't do anything interesting, just stays in watching telly and then going for a blowout with his mates from time to time.I could have this totally wrong so forgive me if so, but I sense this guy is no good for you, and he's started to isolate you and pl a y with your head.Otherwise you would see no reason to ask strangers if it's ok to go on attrip with your mum. You can see from everyone's reactions thst it is totally normal to go, and there's no reason to lie about it. Why are you questioning yourself? Because he's messing with your head and isolating you.Go see your mum and have a great time. Don't let him stop you or make you feel guilty.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): I have offered for him to go to the places i like going but he hasnt been interested. He also blows his money on the things he likes doing.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): I'm thinking of breaking up with him actually because we hardly ever go anywhere together. Most of the time we just sit in his house watching tv.I cant hang around with his friends and he goes out on his own sometimes.
...............................
A
male
reader, peanut_gallery  +, writes (26 April 2013):
So the real question is: "Should I have asked my boyfriend to come with me before asking my mom?"You're feeling a bit guilty because you excluded him by default. You probably should have talked about it. You should have told him that you wanted to see this exhibition and that you felt it was a good opportunity to ask your mother to join you as she would enjoy it more than he would. It would also give you an opportunity to spend time with her so you could catch up etc etc.Under normal circumstances he would've probably agreed and that would be the end of it. If he made a big huge stink about it, that would have offered some clues about his character as well as the relationship.What's done is done. You wanted to go and you invited your mom. All you can do now is to..... Have Fun!!
...............................
A
female
reader, mayhem321 +, writes (25 April 2013):
 No need to lie, be honest with him! you're only going on holiday with your mum. Honestly that's really nothing to lie about!
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 April 2013):
 I am so very confused about this... seriously I do not understand... you are going away with your mom for 3 days.
why would you lie?
you are going to do things you want to do and he does not... sounds like a win-win for everyone involved.
Of course you tell him the truth YOU ALWAYS must tell the truth in a relationship... even on small lie could totally permanently undermine the trust you two have.
It's 3 days with mom
I once took a ten day road trip with my best girlfriend we were in our late 40s early 50s at the time. I had a blast and my then husband survived nicely.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Hi
I hardly think 3 days in London with your mum is anything to hide. Its not like your going to Ibiza on a hen-do with your mates is it. Even if you were,so what?
3 days is a long weekend - go and have a great time with mum. And tell your boyfriend today, hiding it from him just makes it look like your planning something wild with a stranger....
If you and he want to go away, plan and save for something together.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (25 April 2013):
Sure, you can go, but why lie about it??
...............................
A
female
reader, malvern + ♥, writes (25 April 2013):
 I really don't know why you're so bothered about this. You cannot live in each others pockets all the time, you both have your own lives. Tell him exactly where you are going and who you are going with. Your boyfriend probably managed to live the first half of his life without you so I'm sure he can manage three days!
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Why should you lie about going on a mini holiday with your mom ? it's not as if you are taking off with another guy !
If your qualms are because your will be a fancier ,more expensive trip than his several local trips, it's also true this is your first trip and he goes away all the time instead. If he 'd skip a few mini trips, he'd have the money for 3 days in London too.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 April 2013):
 Why couldn't you tell him? I'm popping down to London with my mom for a long week-end.
What's wrong in that? And you will ONLY be gone 3 days, I'm pretty sure he can survive that. You aren't going to the moon or someplace without phones, right?
Enjoy your mini-vacation with your mom!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): you are going on holiday with your mum to an exhibiiton in London... I could understand if you were going on a girls holiday to Ibiza or something but you aren't.
Why do you need to lie?
Is he controlling? It sounds like it to me, you aren't even going abroad and like you said you don't get to see your mum very often so why wouldn't he like it?
...............................
|
