A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with a man I'm very much in love with for the past 2-1/2 years. We are both going through a separation however he's a very kind hearted person one of the reasons I love him so much but he also enables his wife quite a bit such as doing many chores at their house, buying groceries, cooking a lot, eating meals with her, taking her out for her b-day, not expecting her to work too hard because he says she can't work too hard even though her health is good and she's educated (another long story) etc... but they do sleep in separate quarters and he promises me he wants to move on. It's starting to get to me because I'm so ready to move on but I feel he will always feel he has to take care of her even though he says I'm the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Am I being a complete fool? Your feedback is greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 December 2012):
 they are married living apart. some couples make it work that way. This way he can have a lady on the side and not bother her for sex....
If you are ready to move on then do so. Without him sadly.
What you tell him is just this:
"You may not live with your wife but she's still your wife.
WHEN she is no longer emotionally or legally your wife, contact me. Until then I'm going to live my life and look for a partner than can and will commit to me alone"
and then you have to do it. It will hurt to the bone. You will miss him. You will lay in bed and cry and sob and wonder if there is anyway you can live with him still having her..... YOU CAN NOT! You must be strong.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 December 2012):
 The two reponders prior to me have given you a pretty straight "scoop" about what is happening.....
YOU are "in a relationship" with a man who is NOT "in a relationship" (with you).... but he IS in one with his wife!!!...
The decision is clear and it's YOUR's, only. You can remain his "bit on the side".... OR, you can decide to terminate things with him....
Incidentally, the detail that you and he are both in "separation" mode reminds me of an analogy that a buddy of mine told me, many years ago. Regarding ending one relationship and starting another....he sed: You don't jump from ship to ship..... you have to jump in the water, first... THEN you can swim to another ship....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2012): I like how you described him taking care of his wife, as enabling her. You just described how my husband treats me. He does house hold chores, doesn't make me to work hard, was taking care of me and kids our whole lives. What does it mean anyway, enabling her. What is she an addict? What is he enabling her to do, live a good life? This is what people do for each other when they love each other.You put yourself in a position that you are the other woman. Now you just sit there waiting for him to leave his wife. Judging on how he treats her it's not going to happen.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 December 2012):
 It seems old habbits die hard. I'd sit him down and talk to him about this, and be firm with how you feel. Let him know that until he stops catering to her, you two won't be able to move forward together.
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