A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can i find the 'right one'? Every time i speak to a guy, we meet up and text and speak over the phone and facebook, and then they just stop talking to me? this has happened a few times now and i'm tired of getting hurt. I just want to settle down with a nice funny decent guy who will love and respect me, but i can never find that one person who is like that!? How can i let love find me? I don't want to feel so needy also..
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 April 2012):
Honestly, STOP looking for "the one" or Mr. Right". Go out there enjoy life, be HAPPY with who you are. Have fun with friends, meet new people and sooner or later you might run into a decent guy. Just TRY not to have these HUMONGOUS expectations of him being "the one" - learn to enjoy people for WHO they are.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 April 2012):
 stop looking for him.... seriously.
go on with life...
settle right now for "mr you will do for now" and make friends with him...
not saying to not be open to new folks but to stop TRYING to find THE ONE.... usually that's when they fall in your lap...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 April 2012):
 You can bet you won't find someone great if you are desperate for him to be there. Trust me, it's possible to smell desperation a mile away and it will send guys running. If you have other things going on in your life, you won't be giving off the "I REALLY REALLY need a man" vibe that is probably coming through in your facebook messages. Go hang out with your friends more, go pick up some hobbies or classes, have other things going on in your life. You don't even have a boyfriend yet and you're already putting pressure on him to change your life around. You need to think of a partner as a supplement to your life, not a necessity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): "How can i find the 'right one'?"
Stop looking for the "right one" and just have some fun OP. You want to know who the least successful women at dating are? The ones that think they have to find the "right one" or "mr. right" because no guy will ever fit into any woman's idealized vision of "mr. right". I don't know why women's magazines, tv programmes etc. keep promoting that bullshit.
'Mr. right' women are deluded, needy weirdos that find it very hard to find guys because guess what, we're not looking for love and we don't want to fulfil your desperate need. We're looking for a nice girl to talk to, to get to know, and maybe find attractive so we can date, have fun and maybe fool around with. When do you ever hear guys say "I need to find Mrs. Right"? You don't because guys who think like that are the creepy weirdo type that girls generally stay away from.
OP if you're getting hurt so soon in the initial part of getting to know someone then you're putting far too much importance on the act of dating. You're putting far too much pressure on us guys to be yours and frankly girls like that are too overbearing, needy and desperate for us guys, and you just can't hide that OP.
"but i can never find that one person who is like that!? How can i let love find me?"
Do you not see how contradictory those two statements are? If you're so busy looking for it then how is it going to find you? Stop actively trying to find mr. right, stop trying to find "the one" and just look instead for a nice guy you can get to know. Crawl before you walk.
Make finding a guy who is willing to get to know you,you're goal, nothing else. No love, babies and marriage. If you a find a guy willing to get to know you, then just take your time and get to know him, date and have some fun, nothing else. Let things progress on their own and if they don't, so what? Can't be compatible with everyone and then just find another you think is attractive to get to know. If you can see things in these terms then you won't be crushed every time a guy turns out not to be interested. Do you really want to live a life and have a love life consisted of being crushed every time a guy turns out not to be interested?
You'll just turn even more needy, desperate and you'll probably end up with a complete dick who treats you like crap and you'll let him because you'll be convinced he's all you can get.
Dating is about fun, stop taking it seriously. I don't know anyone who would ever be comfortable dating someone who is looking for love, that kind of pressure kills the fun and mystery of getting to know someone.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 April 2012):
 I don't believe you can find 'the one' until you find yourself first. So focus on yourself, have fun, and also learn and grow. Being in a great relationship takes two people: the more you learn about yourself and life the better you'll be able to deliver from your side.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 April 2012):
 Be patient, relax, try to have some fun. You are way to young to be sweating this, enjoy your single years.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 April 2012):
 Well what are you saying to them over facebook? It sounds to me like whatever you are saying they might think that oh my god you are going to control them so they back off, maybe you need to concentrate on yourself and what you want, it is obious it is not him so go and find a distraction
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