A
female
age
30-35,
*upid78
writes:I am really disappointed with what I found out yesterday im not really the jealous type but this lie has me broken!i Found out that my boyfriend has been talking to his ex for about 4 weeks now and no I did not snoop into his phone to find that out.I was in his car and his Bluetooth was connected to the car and she called/ texted to which the Bluetooth in the car said her name out loud and that's how I found out..We got into an argument and he said she called him first to check on him and after that called about 4 to 5 times and he told her not to call him and he has moved on and is getting enagaged, she would always say she wouldn't call but continued to call and he continued to answer!After the whole showdown he sends her a text saying no to call him and I asked him to call her and clear things up when he wasn't opening up I took the phone from him and politely requested her to not call my boyfriend anymore. She said something along the lines"I'm not going to insult another woman and started saying rubbish about my boyfriend" end result she said is not interested in talking to him(and she confirmed that she has been calling him but he has been receiving and talking to her behind my back for weeks)I am so disappointed in him,he is on a work tour for a month and I broke up with him to which he asked me to think about us and our relationship!I'm so hurt and disappointed as to why he lied and continued to talk to this woman!Not once did he tell the woman I have met someone I love don't say any rubbish he just told her I have moved on!What do I do?i really love this guy and saw marriage with him but this behaviour has left me shattered
View related questions:
broke up, his ex, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2015): You did the right thing. As soon as an ex comes into the picture, you do not have Exclusivity. Period. Exes are reserve sex partners. Their only purpose is for cheating of some kind. When a mate communicates with an ex like 5 times, that's Cheating. Have no doubt. So many people tolerate exes in the background, and then get burned. All one wants is to get back together with the other, and if they are talking, they are negotiating.
I mean, at the same time, you cannot control mates and who they want to talk to. Demand they not speak to them, and no matter what they say, they'll find another way to do it. So you did the right thing. You dumped him, and keep it that way. Stick with your policy, and never back down. Good For You, Miss!
A
female
reader, Cupid78 +, writes (18 November 2015):
Cupid78 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe told her he has moved on and is getting engaged and yet she continued to call and he continued to answer and he told me the phone call lasted just for a few minutes every day!he continued talking to her behind my back for weeks,I am so hurt!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2015): I had the same experience as you. My boyfriend went to the extent of lying to me, saying she stopped calling. What he actually did was block her when he was with me, and unblocked her when he was not with me. I found out because she left voicemails for him when he blocked her, and those voicemails went to a 'blocked' voicemail folder on his iphone. That incident turned into the biggest argument we ever had and we were one step away from breaking up. The only reason we didn't break up was because we love each other, he admitted he was wrong, and we worked to fix it.He blocked her permanently and showed me over half a year of phone bill call records to prove they had no contact. He doesn't have other social media accounts. If you love him, I'd advise to make it work. Tell him you want no contact with the ex... He either needs to get a new number or block her permanently.Good Luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 November 2015):
 He *definitely* broke your trust, and you should stay broken up with him. It's a relief you caught this before marriage and children and living together.
Listen, I'm talking to you, OP, but I'm also talking to everyone who reads this site:
No one can stop an ex from contacting you, but to keep it honorable, all we need is full disclosure. I had an ex message me through Facebook when he found my profile a few years back, and he was feeling nostalgic. I sent a friendly, yet distanced email wishing him the best and telling him I was happily married and hopes he finds the same happiness. Then I immediately (read: within the same day!) told my husband that I was contacted and showed him the message and my reply. I didn't have to show him the messages, but I value our trust. Had my ex continued to try to contact me, I would have eventually blocked him from messaging me and told my husband of all contact.
THAT's how you handle exes and contact. You don't carry on behind your current spouse/partner's back! His very breach of trust shows that he is not good partner material. It's a good bet that he's met up with her to "catch up". Why *is* it that people think that exes have some special "catch up" privileges? I'll never know.
I don't know if he cheated on you, but he was clearly, blatantly, and repeatedly disloyal to you, and that to me is a dealbreaker.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (17 November 2015):
 Hon, sorry you find yourself in this position.
Your bf has been having an emotional affair with his ex.
You need to decide whether this is a dealbreaker for you or if you can over time, get to trust him again.
Sorry to say that he does not sound remorseful at all, just sorry that he has been caught out.
Trust is extremely important in a relationship, and if you cannot trust him, then it is perhaps better that you do not continue with this relationship, and certainly don't take the step to marriage.
...............................
|
