A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi i've know this guy for some years now. About last year we have been together almost everyday. Throughtout this whole year i have seen this guy open up and want to be around me, and then act like he just wants to be my friend. Everytime it seems like he's digging me, I either find a way to take something personal and things turn into arguement or vice versa, he'll start with me by critizing me on something he knows he'll get a reaction from. The background on this guy is that when we first met. We had an immediate attraction. He always asked me for my number then i would use the excuse "his brother used to like me and i dont talk to brothers" In all actuality his brother knew me,liked me, but I didn't like him. Four years after flirting at parties off and on, and losing my number here and there, we met up my last year of college. We started talking more and had sex. I was busy with school and didnt talk much , and his reason for not calling too much was that he didnt want to distract me, but still seemed interested. We would see each other almost every wkend, hooking up.Anyways. months pass and right before I graduated he told me he didn't want to be bothered basically and that was that. My birthday was about three weeks after graduation and he texted me happy birthday and were even going to meet up. But we didnt because i had a date with someone he suspected me talking to and saw me with him. after that his actions hasnt been the same. I even caught him "coincidently popping up" in the same areas as me and the other guy. We talked off and on again sparingly through months that past. I wound up stop talking to the "other guy" and doing better, finding a job , get a car, an apartment. Then i bumped into him again. We start talking again, and i helped him out a few times with some things, then instantly he uses me "helping him" as an excuse to be around me more and nicer to me. He starting opening up more. When he found out that we have the same taste in design and how good my talent is to him, he starts opening up to me more, calling me special, then tells me he doesnt like me "like that". He just wants to help me because i helped him. Once i told him i do like him and I didn't mind letting it go where ever…. The problems begin.O yes not to mention he insisted on getting me something for Christmas. He then tells me all the things he doesn’t like about me, then apologizes 4 being "so rude". I tell him ok, if you just want friends nothing more nothing less, then dont try having sex. He did good for about two weeks. We went on a trip together to make it as a business adventure (since we both like design and what not). the end of Jan. comes and we go on trip but plans changed from business trip to just casual since we already bought tickets. We just hung out, and no sex. We get back from our extd weekend getaway then he starts expressing how different i am and he just doesn't no about me. He starts opening up more everything he noticed about me he likes, andsays i was acting "different on our trip. ( O yea he's been paying close details about me from day one, even told me what outfit i had on once before. ) Anyways, two days before valentines day (still no sex) we get in a big fight, he leaves stuff in my car on purpose for me to come back, answer no calls then i get a valetines gift show up at my job. We start talking again and I give in from time to time but i express its best we dont. Then if i show any way that i like him he outlashs "you not my girl" "i dont like you like that" "i just want to be friends nothing more nothing less" but still finds ways to be around me. At one point it seemed like i was his personal secretary, so i told him that and stopped coming around. Then he gets mad that im not around. I ask why and he cant answer. To get to the end of this story months have passed but its been alot of confusion and mixed emotions. I dont want to express my feelings b/c i dont want rejection. But he constantly acts like he likes me, even helps me when i need it, but his words say different. I can admitt to not expressing my feelings but the time i did he shut them down. Im really tired of the games and we both talked and agreed that we are tired of arguing for what? But then the next day he asks me if he could go running with me, when we always worked out separate. I really like being his friend and he has admitted that too. But I just have a gut feeling he does like me more, but then i get confused and tend to think maybe he just cares for me and doesnt want any relationship. But then its like he's in denile or subsiding his feelings so much it has to pop up? Or am i over thinking and in denial I dont know what i want from him anymore, but i Do want to remain friends. Im just so confused. Maybe i should fall back for a while so he can miss me? Ps- o yea a month ago after a big fight he left his wallet in my car. So i saw this inspirational quote and left it in his wallet in the mailbox. Weeks later were cool again andi looked in his wallet and its still there. This is why im so confused ?? ;(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2013): Sounds like a lot of history but no "real" foundation for some reason. Sounds like both of you have problems expressing your feelings. More so the male. Probably has pride issues, when you said his reaction was different when he saw you with another man. Did you ever talk to him about those incidents when he did see you? Did he ask you? Guys are good at hiding they're feelings, but if he keeps coming around and you like him being around, just let it be. Don't try to force something that you don't sound to sure of in the first place. If you unsure b/c of his reaction then maybe you should just wait to say anything and let your actions speak for you.
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