A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've just found out I'm pregnant. I am in a happy relationship. We are both at university and have no money. I have 3 kids, he has 2 from our first marriages. This baby was not planned. I am 5 weeks. Due to circumstances including a chronic pain condition I have, we have decided not to go ahead with the pregnancy. I always thought I was against this route, but in my head I know it is the safest and best option. Yet, my heart is screaming at me not to do it. I know I realistically can't have this baby, but I feel like my world is coming to an end over terminating my pregnancy. I know that this decision comes with emotion and doubt, but is it meant to feel like this? I feel like my world has come crashing down and I love my baby. I don't think I'll ever get over a termination. Is this a normal reaction?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 July 2016):
 This is a very individual thing, how one feels about a termination, and much depending upon circumtances , personality and individual values, so it's hard to say how it " should " feel.
I'd say that truth- and sanity - is in the middle. Between the no-big-deal, ice-in - the-veins approach quoted by Brown Wolf and the devastating impact this decision is having on you.
No, this is not the end of your world. Not for you, and, most of all, not for the 3 kids you already have at home, who need their mom to be healthy, strong, and well balanced.
In other words,- it's a moot point how " normal " is it to go totally in smithereens over a termination. You can't afford it anyway . You are a mother .
Does not your NHS offer any kind of counseling and psychological support for people in your situattion ? ... Somehow it's hard to believe since that this is a service even offered by the rickety NHS in my country ! :)
Have you talked to the hospital where the procedure will be performed , or to the doctor which will perform it, to find out what resources are available to you ?
And in any case you can always consult a GP to get a referral for a therapist / mental health service which can help you through this and give you the tools to handle this loss in a more positive way.
Good luck- take care.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (8 July 2016):
I wish every woman felt the way you did. Some women do this without so much as a thought. I know a lady who was texting her friends about how mad she is, because she would not be able to attend a party of a cute guy, due to her terminating her baby a week before the party. So...Thank you for having a heart of gold.
Do yourself one favour...as hard as this is...you have done your job as a mother with three other kids, and 2 other additions :))) You have been blessed alright. Because there are lots of women out there who cannot have even one child of their own. How ache to give birth.
So do not spend all your time worrying about the one you couldn't have. Spend your time enjoying the ones you do have.
Due to your condition...you did not lose one...you gain five. :)
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 July 2016):
 Sent to early....
Also, this reaction is completely normal; the mothering instinct doesn't vanish because it's for the best.
Also, you really need to use two forms of contraception to avoid this in the future.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 July 2016):
Therapy. Now.
I have a chronic pain issue and pregnancies are still possible to go through - *however*, if your doctor has advised against it, I'd follow their advice, if it sounds accurate. Get a second opinion, if it will ease your heart a little.
Lots of therapy will be needed to go through this, though.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 July 2016):
 I think it is a pretty normal reaction and I strongly URGE you to seek some counseling AFTER the termination. If you health wise can't handle another pregnancy/child then having a termination IS the decision for you, but if you have doubts... talk it over with your Doctor AND partner.
Having a termination, or even a miscarriage will follow you for the rest of your life, even IF it was for the best. You might find strength in focusing on the 3 kids you ALREADY have who will NEED you regardless of your decision.
You won't be the first woman to make this choice, nor the last. While that might not make you feel better, know that sometimes... it is a part of life.
If you go through with the termination, I'd strongly urge you to find a Birth-control that works for you, to avoid having to go through that ever again.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 July 2016):
 Yes I am pretty sure that this is a normal reaction, after having three children and knowing that there is a fourth growing inside you obviously you are going to be heartbroken and distressed, even though you know you will be unable or unfit to give birth to a child, it doesn't stop the mothering side making an appearance and making you feel emotional. My only advice to you would be to talk to a therapist about this before going through with the termination to make sure you are certain this is the route forward, because I will be honest with you, I have saw women who's life was never the same again. Equally I have saw women the opposite. Just get the professional help that you require, good luck.
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