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Don't want this to get out of hand. Should I let this messaging everyday friendship develop?

Tagged as: Friends, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 January 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Hello everyone.

I'm a 19 year old female, looking for some wisdom, perhaps telling me what I instinctively know myself but I just need somebody else's perspective.

I've recently gone to university and made a great male friend, and currently don't know what I'd do without him. I have other friends, but he is definitely the closest to me. We talk almost every day, but we don't flirt and have both previously told each other that we're just friends. Recently though, I have developed some feelings towards him, and I have a feeling that he has too, without either of us meaning it.

I would be up for something if it weren't for these issues: He does drugs quite often, I don't know if it is a phase and he doesn't appear addicted, but it is why I friend zoned him at the early stages because although I can accept it as a friend I wouldn't like it as a girlfriend.

He's also previously got around quite a lot, and I haven't because I'm more conservative in myself.

He does however have a great heart, I can count on him to be there for me, makes me laugh and I have the most fun with him (maybe because his daredevil attitude is a lot of fun).

The question is, should I let this messaging everyday friendship develop? I value our friendship a lot, and I don't want it to get out of hand (even though I kind of do.) confusing, I know.

Thanks.

View related questions: drugs, flirt, university

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada + , writes (11 January 2017):

BrownWolf agony aunt

If you go to the zoo and see a Panda bear, it is be behind a fenced in area, and away from the public right? You look at it and you think "He is soooo cute. I wish I could just hug him."

Do you know why he is kept away from the public? Because as cute as he is, it is still bear, wild, and will hurt you.

Same thing goes for guys like this. You see the drugs, the running around with a lot with women? Let that be your fence, to keep you away from the big hearted Panda you think is sooo cute, and want to hug so bad...before you get hurt.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (10 January 2017):

N91 agony auntI don't think he will change for you, he's a very young guy and probably doing the exact same as what al of his friends do.

I think slowing the contact down a little may be a good idea if you feel like you're going to fall for him more.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (10 January 2017):

Stick to your guns about your criteria and standards for what you consider boyfriend-material. You're very wise for your age; and you have to lookout for yourself. No matter what others may choose to do with their minds and bodies.

It's pretty common for college-students to experiment with drugs, alcohol, and sex. Others are more focused on their studies, finding enlightenment, and making a variety of friends; while enjoying all the social events available for your entertainment. Some don't think it's a party unless you're incoherent, puking your guts out, and reeking like a dirty bong. They pay tuition to party; while others work to achieve and pursue their future careers.

He sounds like a lot of fun, and you can live vicariously through his high-spirited antics; but stay clear of his recreational drug-abuse. It can get you expelled; and all your tuition money would be wasted. Whatever mischief he gets into, you're guilty by association; so be careful how much time and where you spend your time with this kid.

I wouldn't encourage anything romantic. He's got to get all his partying out of his system. You'll be constantly nagging him, and his college experience and activities are strictly up to him. You're not there to monitor his behavior; or tell him what, or what not to do.

Stay friends. Just friends. Keep your messages in the friend-zone.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntStick to being friends.

Wanting him to change to suit you as a datable guy, isn't right and probably wouldn't happen either. Let him be who HE is. If HE does bring up wanting more, I'd be honest and tell him you can't date someone into the drug and casual sex scene, but that you ENJOY him as a friend very much.

A person can be AWSOME, but NOT a good match (for you).

I had several male friends through college who were weekend potheads, all very awesome people, attractive, supportive and fun to be around. I had already watched my older brother sink to his lowest due to letting pot take the front seat in his life so the LAST thing I wanted was to date a guy who used. Thus I kept my friendships with these guys absolutely platonic. And I'm glad I did.

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A female reader, singinbluebird United States + , writes (9 January 2017):

singinbluebird agony auntNO. Do not get involve with someone who does drugs and sleeps around. Stay friend and keep it platonic.

If I was 19 and going to school, that is the advice I didnt want to hear but NEEDED to hear. Good luck, stay in school, hang out with the right crowd and youll be fine.

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