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Does he still want to see me? He said that we would not be compatible long term, but he does like me

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Flirting, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 March 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid I need some advice, I've been seeing this guy for about a month (I'm 19 and he's 25) and we were getting on really well, he takes me out and treats me really nice, we just clicked. We're very similar and we've both noticed this.

We've had sex a lot and I've had to get the morning after pill twice as we were irresponsible the first time and the second time the condom split so just to be safe he drove me to get it and paid for it both times. He was very supportive.

We both work a lot and making time for each other can be quite difficult, and it's caused a bit of a rift and arguments keep happening due to time and communication.

On top of that I thought I was pregnant. Due to all of this stress and arguments so early on, he said we wouldn't be compatible long term but he does like me. I agreed but obviously I like him still.

We still talk and text a fair bit and he calls everyday to check I'm okay, yesterday he came over and we did a pregnancy test.

I wasn't pregnant and we were both relieved. We then cuddled a lot and went for a drive.

When he dropped me back home he kissed me a few times and now I'm confused, does he still want me? Can we still work it out?

View related questions: condom, pregnancy test, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (28 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntThe morning after pill is not good for you at all, especially not twice in a row. Go to your doctor and get on contraception, also have condoms on you at all times so that you don't get caught up in the moment, honestly I know you are young but if you are old enough to have sex, then you are old enough to have responsibility. So please talk to your GP.

As for this relationship, I honestly think he is not looking to be with you long term. Taking you for the morning after pill and paying for it is not romantic. What else does he do for you? Does he take you out on dates? Buy you chocolate and flowers? Or is this relationship mainly based on sex? If it is then you need to end things before you get hurt.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 March 2017):

Honeypie agony auntFirst of OP, GET yourself to your doctor and start some birth control, secondly BUY condoms! USE both EVERY time you have sex in the future. This "oops pill" should not be used like candy. While I DO think it's better to take one than having an unwanted child I'm amazed that people don't understand what these pills ACTUALLY do to your body.

IF a guy says you two aren't compatible long term because you are as irresponsible as he is, then STOP wasting your time WITH HIM.

I knew a lot a of people I LIKED back in the day but if I didn't think they were a good match I would skip them (and not have sex first). Right now you are a good time girl for him.

He is CARELESS about YOUR health - SO WHAT that he paid for the pills? It's not HIS body that goes through it, is it? And IF you had gotten pregnant it STILL wouldn't be his body. He is also 25 which means he probably had more sexual partners than you, which again can mean HE could have an STD. You'd never know (till you had a break out).

YOU really need to STOP being stupid about birth control. NEVER leave that part up to the guy. See your doctor, GET on appropriate birth control, BUY condoms so there is NO excuse for unprotected sex. Unprotected sex is for when a COUPLE WANTS to have a child, not when people are just horny and irresponsible.

The cuddle and kisses were because he was SO relieved he isn't going to be a dad anytime soon. NOT because he has changed his mind.

LEARN from this. STOP being so careless with YOUR health, heart, and body. Don't TIE yourself down with a guy through a pregnancy/child you DO NOT know all that well. This is YOUR life.

And maybe WAIT with the SEX till you know you WANT to ACTUALLY date him and HE wants to date you.

Also, consider WHAT would you have done if you were pregnant? Can you at your age afford to be a single mom? Are you ready to deal with an abortion (in case the pill didn't take)?

Time to grow up, OP

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (17 March 2017):

You're both acting somewhat irresponsibly.

Check the expiration dates on the condoms and make sure they are appropriately-sized. They don't break every-time!!!

You're not using one each and every-time, but every other time. That puts you at risk for HIV infection and other STD's. The sex is obviously casual, as far as he's concerned.

If you don't want to get pregnant, you might want to use a stronger and more durable condom. No glove, no love!

He has given you warning that this relationship does have a pending expiration-date, and it's not serious. He has no intention of putting up with your teenage-drama.

He doesn't want a long-term relationship, that's guy-speak for "it's purely physical!" As long as the fun lasts, and it's just for kicks!

He doesn't have a lot a time to spend with you; and don't just blame it on conflicting work-schedules.

He's taking advantage of your youth and inexperience. He's purposely not investing a lot of his time; because he wants wiggle-room to break-free when you start to get too clingy!

You say you fight a lot? It's not his work-schedule so much as he's got one foot out the door. He's not going to be tied-down by you, or a kid!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2017):

Oh dear with words like that he would not be on my Christmas card list.

You do deserve to be cherished, respected and cared about.

And some discussion of contraception before you even start to contemplate sexual intercourse.

I hear that you currently have a huge crush on this guy.

But this guy does not value you in the way he should.

He gave you no assurances other than to kiss you and cuddle you. I do not think he is a long term prospect

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