A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have an ex who reached out to me six months after ghosting me, and tries to pretend nothing came between us. I don’t respond, and he later replies in a passive aggressive manner as if to say “don’t worry I don’t care anyway”. A bit of history, this guy lead me on... even admitted to it, apologised and lead me on again. He’d ghost me each time, and then act as though nothing happened when he’d re-establish contact. Typical emotional unavailability I guess. I wisened up to his leading me on, however he continued contacting me... asking to meet up, I decline and he’d ghost me. Never admits to doing wrong by me. Ever. This happened about several times in a twelve month period. I eventually try to be friends with him, and things were going well in a way that we’d reconnected as we used to in the beginning until he learned I was in a relationship. This was met with a hostile text, and him claiming to be “glad he never got in a relationship with me”. I got upset and he just ghosted me. Now the present day, I’m still hurt of course... and I reply to his text by calling him a name which is accurate, but insulting. He is baffled by this, and replies by asking what he’s done to deserve that, it’s a harsh description... etc and trying to get an explanation why. I ignore his texts and decide to reply with “what’s there to even explain?” This is met with a barrage of text basically saying that “you’re really not worth it” and “not to worry, because he’s got plenty of friends who think good of him” and “thanks anyway, take care and I’ll see you around”. I replied with minimal response that we never were friends really. He again replies with a barrage of “I honestly don’t know what I did to you” and “I don’t care if you’re going to be this way” and “as I said, good bye and take care”.I am not sure how to take this. Does he genuinely not care, or is this just a type of defense mechanism? I always thought indifference was the opposite of love, not hate so if he didn’t care at all why bother replying? What is your take... are my minimal replies and acting indifferent hurtful to him? Because he’s the one sending a barrage of text and replying immediately, but I’m usually only replying with a short sentence and taking my time. I need an objective opinion. I am still hurt because I care as well. Thanks.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 April 2019):
 If someone punched you in the face, then a month later tried acting like nothing went wrong and for whatever reason you let it slide, then you continued chatting and next time you met up they punched you in the face again would you continue to keep meeting? Or drop them from your life?
The guy keeps exhibiting the same behaviours repeatedly and you keep letting him in so you’re enabling it. Why let someone treat you that way? If he gave a shit, you’d know about it. Stop wasting your time. You are a game to him when he’s bored.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (3 April 2019):
 I believe the universe sends us people to teach us life lessons. If we refuse to learn the set lesson, we either get the same person back time and time again, or similar people, until we eventually learn the lesson (hence why people tend to be drawn towards the same "type" until they realize they are not good for them).
Your ex has treated you badly over and over again, yet you still CHOOSE to go back for more. You REFUSE to learn the lesson you have been sent. One of the definitions of insanity is going the same thing over and over yet expecting different results. He is not going to change. He plays with you but only because you CHOOSE to allow it. You need to learn to make wiser choices in life.
In your shoes I would block him so he can't send you any more messages, take a deep breath, hold your head up high and walk away with dignity instead of allowing him to mess with your head over and over. You are worth better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2019): Read your post and YOU tell US if he cares?
My dear, don't be a glutton for punishment! Block the messages and stop letting this guy make a fool out of you.
He's messing with your head; while he may even have some mental-health issues going on. Nothing he is doing makes any sense. It makes even less sense that you keep responding to someone who leads you on, and then ghosts you.
Do you crave his attention, validation, and approval so badly, that you'll let him toy with your feelings and emotions? He's making fun of you!
He is literally insulting your intelligence, and you're going right along with it!!! Let go and move on, sweetheart! Better yet...get a grip, girlfriend! What in the world is going on here?!!
Now, seriously?!! Why would you want to be "friends" with someone who treats you like he does? He will not change his mind; and all of sudden fall for you, neither will he ever be nice to you. Your attempt at snarky responses mean absolutely nothing to him; and they are a wee bit childish on top of that. It amounts to sticking your tongue out at him; while he plays cruel games with you.
Block him, delete any past messages you've saved, sever all ties, go no-contact; and never have anything to do with that crazy kook ever again!
You're too old to be chasing a guy who mistreats you! Back when you were a pre-teen, you didn't know any better. That's how kids do it. You're an adult now, and you don't put-up with such nonsense anymore. You demand respect, and you don't allow men to make you stoop beneath your dignity by desperately chasing after them while they treat you like dirt.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 April 2019):
 No, I don't think he REALLY cares. Not about you. Himself and his ego? YES, he cares DEEPLY about that.
Don't TRY and be his friend, don't leave yourself open to him reaching out when he is bored. JUST block, delete and forget about this guy.
Not only is he immature, he is insensitive and honestly borderline abusive. Why on EARTH would you want to keep a guy like that around in your life?
CUT ALL contact. HE is a WASTE of your time.
He is not going to start treating you nicely or become a decent guy.
And while I get that you are flattered that he still gets in touch (otherwise why are you even talking to him?) there is NOTHING here that is of benefit for you. He keeps contacting you because it FEEDS his EGO that a girl he "ghosted" and thus treated like shit... is still WILLING to talk to him. And when you DON'T rub his little ego with your replies he says mean and cruel things hoping it makes you feel bad about yourself. THAT is the kind of guy he is.
CUT HIM lose. He isn't a friend or even a decent person to have around.
Stop thinking that he LIKES you because he keeps texting and maybe he will change... because NO, it's not about liking you, it's about HIM... ALL about him.
YOU are in charge of how others treat you. If you ALLOW him to treat you like this, he will. If you decide enough is enough, just cut all contact where he no longer can get in tough. No need to explain it to him.... JUST block and move on.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 April 2019):
 It doesn't sound like he cares for you, is that what you are hoping for by hanging on?
If you are unhappy with the frequency and tone of his texts the best way to deal with it is to block him.
By responding you are keeping the door open. So close it.
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