A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Some background. About 10 months ago I started a relationship with my Sister In Law. Yes I know its messy. We just had that instant connection. Over the 10 months we realized so many things about ourselves and life in general. I have always been that guy that had the walls up and never really talked with feeling or emotion with a woman. Mostly to protect myself and not be too vulnerable. She tore those walls down. I shared everything with her, things I didnt think I would ever tell anyone in my life. It was mutual; she shared many things that no on had ever known about. We got closer and closer and realized basically we were more in love with each other than we had been with anyone in our lives before. So then the day came. Which I guess is inevitable in any affair. It all came out. It was a nightmare as you can expect since our spouses are brother and sister. I ended up leaving my wife as I knew that I couldnt have what I had experienced with her, my wife just wasnt the one for me. I wanted to be with the other... However she had too much guilt and in the end decided to try one more time with her husband as he wanted to prove to her he could fix things. After all the fighting and battles subsided.. 2 months went by. My birthday. She sends a message to me saying happy birthday. This spawns a whole bunch of immediate feelings. We both admit that we are each others soulmates (a term i did not believe in until her), that her friends say she is miserable now that im not in her life, and that she wants to be with me and loves me more than anything in the world. However wants to do it the right way and continue working with the husband until it disolves on its own (which she says will be soon), then be with me. She says she cant just pick up and leave him for me there would be too much guilt and it would tarnish our relationship. She asks me to wait for her. "It wont be a year but it also wont be tomorrow". We continue to "anonymously blog" to each other and she is constantly telling me all the things she loves about me and how perfect our lives will be together. She refuses to talk or meet with me though as its too risky. She tells me that she doesnt have that spark with him (husband) anymore and cant get me off her mind. Ok so the question? Should I be trying to move on with my life? Is this even possible? As outsiders what do you think?
View related questions:
affair, move on, sister in law, soulmate, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Good Girl  +, writes (6 November 2009):
 Hi thanks for your post .I am not sure that I have great, impartial advice to give as I am going through nearly the same thing and it is torture. I have waited alone for nearly a year..we never had sex but it is what i consider to be an emotional affair. Worse than that he has a child with his wife which is the reason this decision is so hard for him to make. His wife agrees to a divorce, but only upon the condition that he allows her to move thousands of miles away with their son. It truly is a mess and I feel for you. Like you said about your girl, I believe that we are soulmates so I have decided to stick it out for as long as my young body can handle it. It isnt easy and sometimes I doubt if it could ever come to a happy ending, but it is worth the sacrifice even if my only reward is to be able to say that I have given all that I have for love. Encourae her to be strong. I understand what she is saying about her leaving for you as a fly in the ointment of a pure feeling. There may always be a doubt in your heart that she may leave you for the next good thing that comes along. She must leave for her own reasons and then come to you because she loves you. This is the point at which you need to have the most patience which will truly be hard after all of the waiting and anxiety that you have endured...but it will be worth it when you both finally have a relationship built on love and trust and true friendship.None of this will come easy. Every moment is a struggle for me to keep trusting him and not to blame him or make decisions for him in my mind. I never imagined I would have such an uphill battle to fight within myself when I realized who my true love was. Its worth it though and I'm sure both you and she feel the same way. I hope everything turns out ok and that we both have the patience to find our ways. Good luck to you, keep us posted.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (6 November 2009):
 I think she's talking out of both sides of her mouth. She wants to make her marriage work, but she still keeps you in her life (even if it is through blogging). She wants her marriage to work, but at the same time wants it to die a natural death within the next 12 months (during which time you must wait for her). She feels guilty about possibly leaving a man she is no longer in love with while you were willing to sacrifice your life and your marriage and cause all kinds of damage to be with her. I don't know if she's confused or what, but she can't save her marriage while keeping you on a string. I suspect she will always have an excuse as to why she can't leave her husband.Give her an ultimatum: leave him or lose you, and be prepared to follow through with this. I think you already know what she'll say, so you should probably get the idea of "moving on" in your mindset.
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (6 November 2009):
 Yep, that's very messy, and in my opinion, you are asking for trouble.
...............................
|
