A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Some background. About 10 months ago I started a relationship with my Sister In Law. Yes I know its messy. We just had that instant connection. Over the 10 months we realized so many things about ourselves and life in general. I have always been that guy that had the walls up and never really talked with feeling or emotion with a woman. Mostly to protect myself and not be too vulnerable. She tore those walls down. I shared everything with her, things I didnt think I would ever tell anyone in my life. It was mutual she shared many things that no on had ever known about. We got closer and closer and realized basically we were more in love with each other than we had been with anyone in our lives before. So then the day came. Which I guess is inevitable in any affair. It all came out. It was a nightmare as you can expect since our spouses are brother and sister. I ended up leaving my wife as I knew that I couldnt have what I had experienced with her, my wife just wasnt the one for me. I wanted to be with the other... However she had too much guilt and in the end decided to try one more time with her husband as he wanted to prove to her he could fix things. After all the fighting and battles subsided.. 2 months went by. My birthday. She sends a message to me saying happy birthday. This spawns a whole bunch of immediate feelings. We both admit that we are each others soulmates (a term i did not believe in until her), that her friends say she is miserable now that im not in her life, and that she wants to be with me and loves me more than anything in the world. However wants to do it the right way and continue working with the husband until it disolves on its own (which she says will be soon), then be with me. She says she cant just pick up and leave him for me there would be too much guilt and it would tarnish our relationship. She asks me to wait for her. "It wont be a year but it also wont be tomorrow". We continue to "anonymously blog" to each other and she is constantly telling me all the things she loves about me and how perfect our lives will be together. She refuses to talk or meet with me though as its too risky. She tells me that she doesnt have that spark with him (husband) anymore and cant get me off her mind. Ok so the question? Should I be trying to move on with my life? Is this even possible? As outsiders what do you think?
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affair, move on, sister in law, soulmate, spark Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): PLEASE, don't worry about any harsh comments, they have no clue what you are going through so they will only ake you feel judged and not understood.
I know how you feel, I am also in love with my BIL and I have been for 3,5 years.
This is really hard. I don't know what the answer is but if you think sharing your feelings with me may help, even if it's just to vent feel free to contact me directly and we can chat. Sometimes just knowing somebody is going through the same and sharing feelings may help a little.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): Hey man CONGRATULATIONS on f*cking up two marriages , children and your spouses and family unit . Why doesn’ t her husband kick her out of his life for good. She is just an emotional whore, keeping you soft on the side. You two love birds deserve each other, so much in lust , poor poor soul mates, who is actually keeping you two lovebirds from each other??? He husband???? Bullshit!!!!!! This woman is a conniving little pest,she is using her husband and is all for pretense, she is pretending that she os a good woman, why do you even want this piece od trash in your life. If she is sooooooooo shady wih her hb when do you think your trun will come. Thank God you are out of your wifes life. I am so glad you were kind enough to leave your wife since you did not feel anything for her. She doesn’t need a piece of shit like you in her life. After all you can live the fairy tale in the sky you have concocted in your mind. I hope you wife took out the bottle of champagne to celebrate her life with out the scum of you. Your wife deserves better and heres hoping that she finds a real man. Heres hoping that she meets a decent man to take care of her needs. Your wifes sister in law is just cheap shit. The way she is so sneakish is just beyond me. I hope her husbands gets wind of her communication of you and kicks her out of his home. In fact i hope he parades her one last time before hs entire family ot show them what a *hore he has and then he finally decides to phone you and tell you to pick her up from the street. You two are one of the most selfish people i have come across. Please read the sire results of people like here on DC , you will see the results are always the same. You sow pain and betrayal and you reap it ten fold. Your sister in law, or is it your lover will also get what is coming to her. Why in the world will her husband take back a skank? Can he not smell someones else’s semen in her? This reaks of some slut in the movies who couldn’t keep her legs closed for a close family member. However wants to do it the right way and continue working with the husband until it disolves on its own (which she says will be soon), then be with me. - Wow a strategy from the now decent wife. She has it all worked out hasn’t she. Pretend and lie to the husband, cause your wife more pain and humiliation, all the while plotting with you to end her marriage. She says she cant just pick up and leave him for me there would be too much guilt and it would tarnish our relationship. - What relationship? You had only an affair. What guilt? For her or for her husband. She is all pretense. She is a conniving manipulative bitch who is using her family and her in laws. She asks me to wait for her. "It wont be a year but it also wont be tomorrow". - So decisive. In the meanwhile how does she pacify her hb and in laws. I al sure she is working magic on her hb, trying to ease his mind and using him while she plots with you.We continue to "anonymously blog" to each other and she is constantly telling me all the things she loves about me and how perfect our lives will be together. - More deceit and more betrayal and you lap it up like a sick puppy. What does she love about poor you, that you left your wife for her. Shame!!!!!! Perfect lives, i think she is delusional. This is NOT PERFECT. You two are actually sick!She refuses to talk or meet with me though as its too risky. - Wow, she is very sneaky again. She knows what she really is, but will blog anonymously . doesn’t want anyone to catch her adulterous ass doing more wrongdoing. She tells me that she doesnt have that spark with him (husband) anymore and cant get me off her mind. you really have a prised woman on your hand. She is just so decisive, she cares nothing about her hb but she stays with him because of a guilty mind. This woman only cares for herself and she will only do what suits her. Evil, scheming woman. Watch out, brother. The way she is treating her hb you could be next. In fact, you deserve to be next. She may not feel the spark with her hb but boy let me tell you what is happening. Her hb is taking his revenge on her in the bed, every time he thinks of you and his wife together, he F*CKS HER MORE. Yep, she will not tell you this but to rekindle the romance and sex he makes certain she licks him more,( even swallows), he takes her from the back, he takes her any which way and dear poster, he fuckes her harder. I am not crude in my choice of words but know this – men are visual creatures. They visualise their woman part taking in sexual activities with the other man and they perform more. You lover may not admit this to you but she is opening her legs more and more to the hb to pacify him. She is not a shy wife by all means. She is doing the dirty with her hb and playing at being the good darling wife. Spark or no spark your lover is giving the sexual performance of her life right now with her hb, make no mistake of this.You have not shown an ounce of remorse for what you have done. No concern for the pain you have caused to your wife and the family unit. What kind of man are you? Only thinking of that little thing dangling between your legs. Hey if it was up to me i would say you are welcome to your brother in laws wife. You two have destroyed the family unit already. You two can continue to f*ck each other , who cares really., you two are cut from the same clothe in any event . Hey but don’t just take my word for it, karma is a bitch . you two will get exactly what you deserve. My heart goes out to your wife and her brother. They do not deserve two evil selfish people. You and the BIL’s wife suit each other just fine. I think the sooner she leaves her hb the better. Then that family can heal slowly and put back the pieces of their lives. As for you two well who cares what happens to you, they just need to say, good riddance. It is not what you want to hear but you NEED to hear it. you f*cked up man. My prayers go out to your wife.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (7 November 2009):
 Yes, you should move on. You were willing to devastate your wife, her brother and other family members affected by your actions just to be with her. She, however, is not willing to do the same for you. She says she wants to work on her marriage at the same time she's wait for it to die a natural death. Huh? She's talking out of both sides of her mouth, dude. She will never leave her husband, otherwise she already would have. So many people get caught up in affairs and think that they will run off into the sunset with their lover. That's the danger of affairs: the other woman (or man)gets all the good stuff--the attention, the affection, the intimacy. What they forget in the midst of the bliss and sneakin' and lovin' is that they've never dealt with real-life together. Car repairs. Mortgages. Sick parents or children. The truth is, she has never had to wash your dirty underwear, or deal with you farting in bed. You've never had to deal with her when she is bitchy because of PMS or smell her morning breath. Unfortunately, you got caught up in the hype and now you're on the outside looking in while she still has her family, her marriage, and her life. She played you, kid.
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A
male
reader, jnj express +, writes (7 November 2009):
actually you may not have to wait any more than the time it takes to get a D., in that your AP is still cheating on her H., and when she gets caught the 2nd time he well may throw her out. As other posters have said you two deserve each other, you have murdered 2 mges., ruined the lives of untold people, and continue to cheat. Don't give me this soulmate crap, for that's all it is. and all you have going is a large infatuation----love comes from maturity , living together, and getting thru life's experiences, and doing those things with the partner you took vows with, that is love----You at this point are an immature irresponsible home wrecker, that is still trying to ruin the lives of others. You have your D. go find yourself a single woman whose life you can ruin.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): There was no mention of children?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): First off...you did this all to yourself. Pat yourself on the back, and enjoy your BIG D. Secondly, look, man...look on this site, you'll see countless marriages that over time faded a bit then suddenly..they found their spark they never seen in their life, etc. They don't realize ALL RELATIONSHIPS start out with the spark, DUH GENIUS! And honestly, chasing rainbows brings them nothing but misery."Over the 10 months we realized so many things about ourselves and life in general. I have always been that guy that had the walls up and never really talked with feeling or emotion with a woman. Mostly to protect myself and not be too vulnerable."This bit, right here - wasn't your wife's fault. All you, you decided to keep those walls up buddy, also put into focus, you were young when you met your wife, now married, now years later, you're an older man, in time people feel more comfortable about talking about things they thought they'd never confess to someone. It's called maturity.AND KEEP IN MIND..The more intimate, the more personal, the more details you share with someone, the CLOSER you will feel with them.You started the wheel to your own divorce when you started opening up to someone that personally, who was not your wife.What supposedly makes marriage the most special relationship? It's supposed to be the most intimate relationship you have. You were emotionally cheating way before physically.You two are the most selfish people, I've read on this forum in quite some time (and I've been posting here for months). How do you think your children is going to react with their cousins, etc? You both ruined the sibling relationship between that man and woman (which since they're blood, is one of the most important relationships they WILL ever have - wives and husbands go, you proved that, but blood is a different story). I don't think they'll ever see eye to eye on holidays, funerals, whenever family meets. Their parents (if alive) are horribly shocked. Even if the brother/sister patch things up, every time the family gets together (if your wife decides to play/act nice) will see the woman who betrayed her brother to sleep with her cheating, low life ex-husband.And we're all glad that you realized, "I ended up leaving my wife as I knew that I couldnt have what I had experienced with her, my wife just wasnt the one for me."Correction, your wife doesn't deserve you. Truth is, that woman, your brother in law's wife, the aunt to your kids, etc - ain't ever going to be with you. That woman will keep you dangling on a string for as long as she can. You're her outlet/fantasy, she has her kids, her husband, her home, her security, she ain't ever going to give that up.And unless you physically seen him beg her back, I'll tell you something, that man was going to throw her rear out of the house, the only thing that stopped her is she WOKE UP and realized what she's loosing and it ain't worth it. She BEGGED HIM to stay.ACTIONS are louder than anything she can ever speak or type to you. "she wants to be with me and loves me more than anything in the world." IT SURE doesn't seem like it doesn't? from what you said, she's still living at home with her kids, in her house, and sleeps in her husband's bed every night and since they're trying to fix their marriage, that bed is getting a lot more action these days.Quite frank, I wish she would leave her husband. That family doesn't need her around, there will always be issues while she's still in that family. And you two deserve each other. However, unfortunately, she'll just keep stringing you along.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (6 November 2009):
 Get on with healing yourself. This emotional affair has destroyed a few lives; thankfully the victims are related and can lean on each other for support.
There is so much baggage between you and your former lover that it is difficult to see what would be worthwhile to salvage. There will be nothing to compare to that torrid beginning when you could live in the fantasy about what could be.
This woman is not a path to peace - not yet at least. She is pretty much as damaged as you are. To enter a relationship before the two of you are healed will just doom you to repeat history.
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