A
female
age
36-40,
*inalae
writes:I, Guess I Kind of broke up with my boyfriend ( 37y/o) I could not stand his erratic behavior anymore. last friday he came for his graduation, and he messaged me on past Thursday saying that on Friday he was coming early here to town where I live, because he was closing the student apartment that he has here where I live.( what I understood was that he wanted sex, before closing the apt, so I assumed that’s why he wanted to see me early as well.) So, I text back on Thursday asking him, ”what are we going to do then? and he replied ”I will see your early on Friday around 10:00 am”. So I replied ”OK you text me”. I even found it weird that he did not begin the message saying ”Hi—– I’m coming tomorrow etc etc, so rude.So it was Friday morning, his grad was scheduled to start 4:00 pm in the afternoon, and I assumed we were going to see each other after the grad (I guess not), since he told me that he just wanted to get it over with the grad, that he just wanted his diploma and that’s it. So on Friday, at 11:26 AM, he text me saying ”I’m here”, then he called me and says: I’m here in the town, I just arrived, are you ready? Or you need more time and I said ”no am not ready I need time” and he said ”OK in half an hour then (in his terms its like an hour, he is always late) I said OK and hung up.The point is that 15 minutes after he called me and we had spoken, I text him saying ”we should see each other better in the evening” (I, wanted to see what he was going to answer and if it was cool with him) and after that I never got a single response back from him. Time was passing, and it was 1:30 already, I got angry so I took my clothes off and put my pajama back on. Then I text him ”you know what forget it, don’t come, stop wasting my time, you are late”. And got nothing back from him, I know it was his grad and he was not going to ruin it for him. But he should of acted differently. He just disappeared no message, no call. nothing just rude.I forgot to mention that after his grad, maybe in a month later he is leaving back to the states. And we had not talked about our future in a clear manner. So I don’t know what made him act this way this past friday, if he was planning it or what, or maybe he did not know what to do with the relationship?
View related questions:
broke up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 March 2017):
 whatever the reasons for the miscommunication it is clear that this relationship was not working, if you feel he is using you for sex then their must be a valid reason for that, and if he is moving away in a months time then its probably best that things have ended, either way it sounds to me like you are happier now being single.
A
female
reader, ginalae +, writes (3 March 2017):
ginalae is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ 02DuszJ,You are right, He actually graduated from med school that day!, But as many of you said there was a big miscommuication, I kinda of changed plans, but I was still willing to go out with him at the time he proposed, the reason I send him the message saying''we should see eachother better in the evening'' I did it to see his opinion, what he would replied back, and after that message he dissapeared.
I guess he got angry because I agreed that he come and pick me up in half an hour and then I texted him that message.
Or maybe it was something else. I guess I will never know. I just took a weight off my shoulder.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 March 2017):
 I think your post is difficult to follow. Maybe the communication style is just unfamiliar to me, but if you want to meet someone at 10am, why are you texting them at 11.30am? And if he wanted to meet you before his graduation, why were you making such a big drama out of it? If you didn't want to meet him just to have sex, then ... I dunno, don't have sex? It's not like you lose the ability to say no just because you agree to meet him.
I think you sound a bit immature, to be honest. You are playing games, testing him, creating drama. Next time, ask directly for what you want. Be honest. Don't test or play games or walk around the subject with hints. Dare to ask for what you want. If you wanted him to be precise in picking you up, you ask for that. Then if he fails to be precise, you know how important (or not) you are to him.
When he does not text you back, you also know how important (or not) you are to him. It sounds to me like you already know you are not high on his list of priorities, and you were testing him to try and get a final reaction out of him before he left.
I think you should decide for yourself what you want with him and the relationship. Do you want a long distance relationship? Do you want more? Do you want to end things (sounds like you want to end it)? Then do just that, or dare to ask for what you want. Don't sit around and wait for him to take action. Ask for what you want. Then when you get your reply, or if you get ignored, you will have your answer.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2017): There's no communication here at all.
I must just say something in his defence though. He was expecting to come and see you, any minute and you texted him and put him off until the evening. I understand that you did it because you didn't trust him and wanted to see what he would do, but if he had done that to you, I bet you'd be livid!
...............................
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (2 March 2017):
 I agree with honeypie that he is just to gutless to admit he doesn't see the relationship as long term- and thinks its ok to string you along for sex- again on his terms.
He doesn't have the consideration he should have for his gf... The fact that he was in town and couldn't even agree/ make some effort to see you- just ignore you, not even bother. Why couldn't he ser you AFTER his head?
In relationships if you shut up and put up, it builds resentment.. I used to make that mistake of not telling him when I wasn't happy with his behaviour and id end up lashing out. A good relationship CANNOT flourish without honest communication. You should both have enough consideration, trust and love to owe that to each other.
Remember that for your next relationship
This guy is not deserving of your time and effort. He's making you unhappy and doesn't care like he should. He unfortunately is still in student phase and needs to sew his wild oats not a girlfriend.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 March 2017):
 I'm not really sure what your question is.
All I can say from reading your post is that you felt he wanted you for sex (mainly) and always on his terms. And that you had enough and ended it.
And it sounds like the two of you had really bad communication skills. And made a lot of assumptions.
Seems like you made the right choice. He was moving away and there were no real plans for the future either.
I think he knew exactly what he wanted from your relationship, but he CHOSE not to talk about it (and neither did you, apparently) and now that he has graduated he is off to do whatever - without you.
So let him go. Find someone YOUR own age, and someone who wants to BE with you, not just have sex here and there.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2017): i am a similar situation.i came to the conclusion, men are just what they use to be.they realize women are plentiful.but just are always one that different from the others.i want you to be that special one.be in control of you.men will see just how far they can go and don't mean a thing.they know we are emotional and motherly and don't feel bad.we know how to respect and give love back.don't if he for you he get it together.i would did what you done.good luck.
...............................
|
