A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on the Internet who lives in Sydney and am feeling unsure about his latest antics and am wondering whether things may be changing for the better or whether he is still out to exploit me for his own gain. I'm aware that I need to protect my emotional health and be aware of any men that may be going under the radar with me as I have been abused both physically, sexually and emotionally in the past and do not want to encounter any more men that could jeopardise my self-esteem that I am tring to rebuild after many years of abuse, despite the ongoing difficulty I have in doing so despite years of therapy.As of the last two weeks I have not been texting him at all and told him that I will not be coming over to Sydney in June as he told me that if I was to come over that I should get a hotel room and that I could not stay with him as I was a stranger. I told him that I did not feel comfortable about that, as as much as I was a stranger to him that he was a stranger to me. We have kept in contact for the last eighteen months and have never met, despite seeing one-another on Skype and me doing sexual acts which I must admit I was vulnerable to start off doing in the beginning but I feel an easy target to get groomed in order to comply etc.He is interested in anal sex in particular, fisting and me using my toy anally and watching as well as me using other objects which I am too ashamed to talk about. I have not at present fisted myself on cam.My dilemma at present is that since I have told him that I am not coming to Sydney as I do not wish to have sex with him the first night I get there and take him back to my hotel for safety reasons that this has seemed to renew his interest in me.He is texting me everyday like he did in the beginning and I don't understand why he is doing this.I have also noticed that he has closed his account on the internet site where I met him as of recent date which adds more to my confusion.He says that if I want to get in his good books that I should do exactly what he wants me to do on Skype which involves anal fisting myself and he wants me to purchase cucumbers the size of my fist and a full can of coke and perform tomorrow evening??Can anyone enlighten me as to why he isn't able to walk away when he initially told me that he could walk away at any time and it is him that is now doing all the texting and not me at all. Is it simply about a conquest for him and that he wants to do the deed with me to be able to walk away. Or realsing that I am not coming over end of June is he simply trying to get me to anal fist myself on Skype to get some closure or I am doubting him to much??I text him tonight whether he needed to have sex with me in order to walk away and he didn't answer. One of his rules is that he doesn't want me to ask him any questions unless they are related to anal sex.I am having problems letting this man go and believe I need help which counselling hasn't been able to achieve. Can anyone enlighten me as to this man's intentions or can they explain his sudden renewed interest and cancelling his account on the online dating site at the same time?I don't want to get hurt again.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (24 June 2010):
 I read your post, then re-read it to make sure I was reading correctly...you are dwelling on the romantic intentions of a man who refuses to talk to you about anything but anal pleasure and demands that you stick half the contents of your local supermarket up your behind. You say you have been a victim in the past but we are all supposed to learn from our mistakes. Counselling is supposed to help you to understand where you went wrong so you don't do it again. It hasn't worked for you and you are allowing men to abuse you. It is time to stop being the passive victim here. It is time to take control of your life as a grown woman and not step over your comfort zone with men. It is not ok to identify yourself as vulnerable as an excuse to carry on doing stuff you are not happy with sexually or otherwise. For this man you are a thrill he doesn't have to pay for. He probably has lots of women on the internet doing all sorts and he gets some sad, perverted thrill from it. I have no idea what you think meeting him would result in. He could be a very, very dangerous man and his manipulative behaviour would suggest just that. He may not wish you to be in his house as he may have a wife, a boyfriend, 10 kids who knows? You really shouldn't want to go to his house...you could end up in his freezer. The internet dating world is full of people who would struggle to find a partner any other way. I am sure there are some nice people, but a lot of crazy folk too. It seems you have fallen prey to a nutcase so it is time to hang up your webcam, your cucumber and your craving for a man who treats you badly. Delete your online dating profile as that world isn't for someone who lacks the self esteem to say no to crazy demands from crazy people. Being single has got to be better than what you have now - who is to say he is not recording your performances and selling them online? Or preparing a file for your family, friends or your boss? You have to be very careful what you do with people on the internet.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 June 2010):
 ARE you AWARE that a LOT of what goes on through webcam/Skype ends up on the WEB for ALL to see? Are you AWARE that he can RECORD whatever you do and broadcast it ?
What I just don't get is WHY you still talk to this sick F... What he wants is for you to DEGRADE yourself, online ON the web, while he watches..
With a background like yours, I think you need to be WAY more careful in WHOM you are on contact with on and off the Internet.
The things he is asking you to do seems to be WAY outside your comfort zone. And he really IS A STRANGER. WHY are you allowing this? YOU can say NO & step away from the computer.
This is not about love, caring or even sharing - it's about controlling and dominating. So unless you are a submissive, you need to cut all contact and get your head on right.
He isn't walking away simply because HE IS STILL the one in control.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 June 2010):
ARE you AWARE that a LOT of what goes on through webcam/Skype ends up on the WEB for ALL to see? Are you AWARE that he can RECORD whatever you do and broadcast it ?
What I just don't get is WHY you still talk to this sick F... What he wants is for you to DEGRADE yourself, online ON the web, while he watches..
With a background like yours, I think you need to be WAY more careful in WHOM you are on contact with on and off the Internet.
The things he is asking you to do seems to be WAY outside your comfort zone. And he really IS A STRANGER. WHY are you allowing this? YOU can say NO & step away from the computer.
This is not about love, caring or even sharing - it's about controlling and dominating. So unless you are a submissive, you need to cut all contact and get your head on right.
He isn't walking away simply because HE IS STILL the one in control.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 June 2010):
ARE you AWARE that a LOT of what goes on through webcam/Skype ends up on the WEB for ALL to see? Are you AWARE that he can RECORD whatever you do and broadcast it ?
What I just don't get is WHY you still talk to this sick F... What he wants is for you to DEGRADE yourself, online ON the web, while he watches..
With a background like yours, I think you need to be WAY more careful in WHOM you are on contact with on and off the Internet.
The things he is asking you to do seems to be WAY outside your comfort zone. And he really IS A STRANGER. WHY are you allowing this? YOU can say NO & step away from the computer.
This is not about love, caring or even sharing - it's about controlling and dominating. So unless you are a submissive, you need to cut all contact and get your head on right.
He isn't walking away simply because HE IS STILL the one in control.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): You need to get away from this abusive connection. You are nothing but a sexual object to him and i dont know how you cannot recognise that. he doesnt want to talk to you about anything but anal sex that should have been a clue. He knows your easy bcos you just openly do whatever he wants and for free. If he had to go on a sex site he would have to pay but now he has you he can get his thrills for free.This is not a healthy situation that your in and only you can escape from it but you seem hooked on it. You state that you are aware that you need to protect your emotional health and be aware of sexually abusive men and situations. You're in one right now. This man is sexually and emotionally abusing you and you are enabling him to do so and jeopardising your self-esteem. The years of therapy doesn't seem to have helped as you are allowing this sexually sick man to abuse you so you must still be sick yourself bcos you attracted him. I dont feel sorry for you so you need to stop the victim approach as it doesn't wash here. You're this mans sex slave and you will never have a loving relationship with him as your connection is built purely on perverted sexual contact. You as you state you dont want to lose him.What's there to lose? you dont have anything but perverted sex where you put all sorts into yourself to Stop analysing his reasons for cancelling his online account so what.....what does that mean...he's in love with you? It doesn't he's using you and he loves the thrill of this new chase. He likes to dominate and you like to be dominated so why seek help when you know you dont really want it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): Can you do one thing for me please, it would make me very happy? Can you run as fast as you can from this man and never stop running until he can't get to you again? You say you've been badly abused in the past - well I 'm here to tell you its happening all over again. He's playing with your mind, trying to make you feel guilty, threatening you with withdrawal of his company just to see how you'll react, and sorry but those things he is asking you to do on a webcam - let him go pay someone for those things - don't abuse yourself and add to the list of abusers. YOU ARE WORTH FAR MORE THAN THAT. You must look after your emotional health and well being. This is NOT going to help. You're putting yourself in danger and at high risk. Those things he is asking you to do are repulsive and though you are both consenting adults, it would seem your emotional vulnerability and need for approval is making you very child like. DON'T DO IT. You'll only hurt yourself and then end up beating yourself up after. There is a great book called Co-Dependent No More, by a lady called Melanie Beattie. It will answer most of your questions. I hope it helps. Really I send you love and blessings.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (24 June 2010):
 Is this a D/s (Dominance and submission) relationship?
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