A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, here's my problem.Been with bf for 5 and a 1/2 yrs, engaged have a little boy together, and boyfriend took on my 3 kids:) He started a new job in jan this year, and seems to like it now he's settled there a bit. His direct supervisor is female and somewhat of a character! Here's the problem, she added him on Facebook a few months ago, and that didn't bother me. In response to a post my bf wrote, she said "oh I don't want u to leave me lol", ( post was about us thinking of emigrating).He was exasperated by this and I was too. Then whilst she was on holiday in Sourh Africa in August, she suddenly started I messaging him one evening, saying she had had a brilliant one night stand which was the best **x of her life???? Hello why u messaging my fella bout that sort of stuff!! Instead of ignoring it he replied good on ya, which in turn resulted in messages for the next 2 hours on and off, giving him details a out it and even sending him a pic of the guy!!!! Naturally I was angry now as she was encroaching on our evening time together. I asked him a few days after if he would please delete her off Facebook coz she was crossing the line and I wasn't happy. He did delete her but posts from her in the past I could still see, fair enough.Well 2 days ago, I noticed her posts had gone from his profile and when I searched for her on my Facebook nothing couldn't find her. This got my head thinking, so I went on my sons Facebook account and looked at my fellas profile and lo n behold she was there!! I googled it and realised the bitch had blocked me!!When my fella got home from work, I asked him why would she block me, and it came out that she had asked him why he'd deleted her and he told her about my concerns re her texts and posts and he felt guilty by her reaction, so re-added her and then she blocks me so I can't see that they are friends or any posts from her!!!! WTF??? I didn't scream at him I didn't shout, I said so you put her feelings over mine.... Well thanks! And that's been - not spoke for 2 days, I'm so angry and frustrated. He thinks she'd create problems at work for him with his bosses, and I understand him being worried about his job, but to our her feelings before mine I'm finding hard to understand and don't know what to do now.Any help would be appreciated:) Thanks
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at work, engaged, facebook, on holiday, one night stand, sex life, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2012): I could definitely see why he would re-add her if she was holding his job against him, but she actually isn't, or he would have told you this I would have thought. What he's actually done is used the fear for his job as an excuse to keep her contact on a personal level, because let's face it, where is the evidence she's threatened to have his job taken away from him if he doesn't do something she wants? Nowhere.
You've basically gotten to the bottom of the situation (and quite simply really), he sees her as more than just his professional supervisor, meaning he cares for her on a personal level at least a little bit, otherwise he wouldn't have felt guilty about not re-adding her back.
I think she has a thing for him, and it maybe possible he has for her too, its more than just a case of her being an annoying pest, or a bitchy supervisor.
But that's just my opinion.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 September 2012):
 he can't control her only himself.... and he deleted her and she whined and cried so he added her back and didn't tell you and she blocked you and he's complicit in this sham.
if she's his direct supervisor her sex texts are a form of harassment and he can report her to HER supervisors.
while I am friends with folks at work, I do not friend or socialize outside of work with supervisors... just too much that can be questioned.
He needs to man up and if he says she can make his job horrible or she can get him fired... if he still has those sexual texts he has dirt on her and he can tell her to go ahead and report him (for what?) but she's the one coming on to him...
do you not trust your man?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 September 2012):
 You need to sit down with your husband and lay down HOW his actions are affecting you.
First off, either he deletes FB or he just block/remove her. She is a co-worker and he REALLY doesn't need her on his FB.
He also needs to stop responding to inappropriate texts. I HIGHLY doubt she is going to run to the bosses and cry about him not wanting to talk about her sex life.
He needs to stop making up excuses. He is not in control of what SHE does, but he OUGHT to be in control of his own actions. He CHOOSES to play her game, because he either likes to play the game or he gets something out of this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2012): Hate to say this but you are not exactly in a marketable position relationwise. Sure being a woman you would have no problem hooking up for casual encounters. I can tell that is not what you want. Your bf knows this all too well and is using this against you. You probably feel lucky you have a guy, any guy that is there by you , well even sort of. 4 kids is not exactly baggage most men would deal with. Heck I do not like it if a woman even has one child . I hope you are at least ok financially and you can work on emotionally so maybe you can move on. The best you can do is to reinvigorate your life by being the best mother you can be and gaining confidence any way you can, Good luck with this.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (6 September 2012):
 HI
I am so sorry for how your husband is treating you, but I have seen this many times and it's not good i'm afraid. It sounds like to me your husband is enjoying this cheap talk, I am not saying they are up tp anything else, but it would be very concerning to me if he can add her back and her hide and block, I would tell him to end this charade right now or YOU will confront her! do NOT let your husband make a fool of you with excuses about his job is on the line, it's the oldest trick in the book.
Mandy x
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