A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Right, this might be a bit long but i have two really big problems.I'm currently in university in Cardiff (my first year)and my boyfriend is in Swansea in his second year. Now i love him to pieces and couldnt imagine living my life without him but I have a really big problem...he is being really annoying. He is always calling and texting to check what im doing, always asking where I have been, always asks me to text him when i get back to my dorm after a night out and to top it all off...HE TOLD ME NOT TO GET DRUNK! I mean im a new university student and he has done his freshers weeks and stuff and now its my turn. Im trying to settle in and stuff but he keeps pushing for me to let him come up. I want him here but i need to do this on my own and im worried that by telling him that i need to be on my own for a while will make him think im losing interest even though i love him with all my heart.The second problem is that there is a guy who is living in the same building as me but not in my flat who comes over to our flat (mine and my 5 other female flat mates) apparently my mates have said that he really likes me and doesnt care that i have a boyfriend. He is nice and the other night i was totally drunk and was dancing all sexy and flirty with him. Nothing happened, not even a kiss but im worried that i might have led him on a bit. He knows about my boyfriend and i dont know if he actually likes me but im worried that if my boyfriend meets him if he visits, then he might get angry...and if i dont invite him up, he'll assume im cheating or something which i most CERTAINLY am NOT!!! University is supposed to be the best 3 years of my life! I have been here 4 days and im already going crazy! PLEASE HELP ME!
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male
reader, eddie  + ♥, writes (21 September 2009):
 You're supposed to have a good time at school but do you think dancing sexy and flirty is a great idea? That does give the impressioin that you are open to other things. If you know the other guy likes you and you continue to behave like that around him, you are inviting him to continue trying. You did say that he doesn't care if you have a boyfriend. That means he doesn't respect your relationship. So if he makes it clear he doesn't respect your relationship and you value your relationship, you need to set the boundaries of what is considered to be OK in the relationship you have with your boyfriend. If you were to tell your boyfriend about that night, that the other guy likes you and he knows you already have a boyfriend, and how you were dancing, what would the outcome be?
So I guess you need to decide what you value, freedom or a relationship. It doesn't make you good or bad whatever you decide. If I was your boyfriend I'd be a little worried about what happened. Even if you had no bad intentions, it looks bad.
A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (20 September 2009):
 Typos...stand a firm stand...LMBO
Take a firm stand.
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo + ♥, writes (20 September 2009):
I can relate to what you're going through. You have a couple of options as I see it:
1. Stand a firm stand and tell your boyfriend what you've just told us (leaving out that bit about the other guy). University is supposed to be the best years of your life and you'll not be robbed of them by smothering rules. A relationship is supposed to enhance our lives, not stifle us and if he doesn't smarten up, you'll have to re-evaluate this one. Do not offer justifications or examples to validate your point. They stand on their own merits.
2. Innundate him with details of your comings and goings. Don't wait to be asked and don't do it spitefullly. Be affectionate and smothering. It's annoying having to do this and it will take some effort, but it's a technique used by some therapists and has been known to work.
Personally, I used the first option. If he cares enough about the relationship, he'll move mountains to keep it intact.
Good luck.
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