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age
30-35,
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writes: Hey guys, I'm 18, a second year student... and getting married in a week! But lately I've been stressing over something... I'm still a virgin, and I mean text book definition "virgin", and I have no clue what to do when it comes time to head to Tahiti for our honeymoon... I mean, I know the basics and everything, but the way "the basics" sound is bland and boring. I also know sex is supposed to be pleasurable, but I'm not sure how to make it that way! Any advice? (And please, no one suggest a blow job... I will only go so far before I draw the line at porn star.)
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blow-job, porn, still a virgin, text, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (4 July 2010):
Marriage is forever, right? Then you have plenty of time to learn how to make it pleasurable for each other! Making love is something you do WITH your partner - not something you do TO him, or that he does to you.
For the record, most women report that their first sexual intercourse was somewhere between "very uncomfortable" and "hurt like hell". Something like half of all women say they bled enough to notice.
At the very least, spend some time - any where from several days, to a few months - learning about each others' bodies and how to pleasure each other without penetrative sex, with necking, petting, oral sex, etc. Make sure he understands and agrees to this.
Like bowling, long division, or public speaking, good sex is something you learn through practice. It's an even more complicated activity than these examples. Like sports, sex is physical; like math, sex is mental; and like oration, sex is psychological. For most of us, both guys and gals, the first time isn't great sex. My first time was lousy sex. My wife's first time was lousy sex. (In fact, her first time and my first time were the same time.) But even though it was lousy sex, it was very significant and meaningful to us.
The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum - the question probably gets asked a couple times every month. There used to be an article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) that was excellent! I'd call it a must-read for you and your B/F except that it has vanished from [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html ]
For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us! And despite that lousy first-time, we're still married - to each other - over 35 years later.
Other threads I contributed to include "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ] and, "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
Something we weren't prepared for was our emotional state immediately afterwards. I've read about this and talked to others, and the details vary WIDELY among people. (My wife & I were both sobbing, and pain wasn't the major cause.) The best I can say is that you need to be sensitive to each other, as well as yourselves, because you can do some emotional damage without even realizing it.
A
female
reader, c.lili  +, writes (3 July 2010):
 It comes naturally. Is he a virgin?
My first time was with an experienced guy, we had wine, talked for several hours till I was comfortable, things went slow and it was all about me.
Your case if he isn't a virgin it will all be about you, he will go slowly and do his best to make you comfortable.
If he isn't a virgin, don't get your expectations high, he will probably be more nervous then you, and I doubt it will last very long.
the only thing important is that you are both comfortable with each other. Virginity is put up high in a pedestal and in reality is probably for most not the best time of your life (it's like riding a bicycle for the 1st time, you will fall down!) and sex does get better with practice.
On your wedding night I hope you have a good time, enjoy and do it more than once ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not married yet haha, next Friday (:
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male
reader, Mr Doctor +, writes (2 July 2010):
You are married and still virgin??? It is unbelievable..
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female
reader, sexyskye  +, writes (2 July 2010):
hi hunny my advice would be to simply were some super sexy underwear to make you feel special it is your wedding night climb ontop of him and just have a kiss and cuddle play with hes hair and just go with it. after a while of you sat ontop of him with not much on he should be pretty turned on and so should you persaonally i would stay ontop because then you can work out how hard or soft/ fast or slow you like it .touch yourself and him i wouldnt give him a blowjob on the first night but try and take it slow. you will very quickly learn exactly what to do just enjoy it x
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 Sadly Gracie you are going to have to get over that attitude otherwise it IS going to be bland and boring.
You've been a good girl so far. In the context of your marriage there is nothing wrong with getting a little wild. No one is going to judge you. If you are in love with someone (and if they've had a shower) there's no bits of them that don't taste good.
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